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Darin Strauss' Half a Life,
a nakedly honest, ultimately hopeful
examination of guilt, responsibility, and
living with the past, has arrived. To mark
the occasion, get your copy today
at a reduced price.

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Get To Know An
Internet Commenter.

BY KEVIN COLLIER

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Kevin Collier searches the Internet for people who comment a lot, then copies and pastes a fair representation of their output. These are all real comments, and to the best of his knowledge they are typed in earnest.

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profitendieu.

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Username: profitendieu
Site: msnbc.com
Apparent Location: Chicago area

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On QUEEN ELIZABETH SET TO VISIT NYC, GROUND ZERO:
"Nobody but you gives a rat's ass."

On LOHAN DUE IN COURT FOR PROBATION HEARING:
"Who gives a rat's ass? this does not merit a big red BREAKING NEWS stripe across your homepage BOYCOTT MSNBC!!!"

On TONYA HARDING MARRIES 'BLUE-COLLAR-TYPE GUY':
"Who gives a rat's ass?"

On FRANCE'S WORLD CUP DEFEAT OFFERS LESSONS ON TEAMWORK:
"Who gives a rat's ass about these French soccer narcissists? stop reporting this crap!"

On PRINCE HARRY, WITH METS CAP ON, VISITS NEW YORK:
"Who gives a rat's ass? didn't we fight (and win) a war to get away from this monarchy? stop reporting this crap!!!"

On U.S FINALLY RUNS OUT OF TIME AT WORLD CUP:
"Here's my opinion: I don't give a rat's ass about the sport!! who gives a rat's ass about this? stop reporting it!!!"

On UK CELEBRATES QUEEN'S BIRTHDAY WITH MILITARY POMP:
"In the rest of the world, the Queen's birthday is known as Who Gives a Rat's Ass? Day."

On U.K. CELEBRATES QUEEN'S BIRTHDAY WITH POMP [Note: This is the same AP story, double-posted with a slightly different headline]:
"The Queen's birthday is known as Who Give's a Rat's Ass? Day in the United States."

On U.S STRIKES BACK, EARNS DRAW WITH ENGLAND:
"Who gives a rat's ass?"

On BIEBER 'SOMETIMES' NERVOUS AROUND THE LADIES:
"What a talentless douche. he makes me want to vomit."

On 'BIEBER FEVER' STRIKES ROCKEFELLER PLAZA:
"That brat makes me want to vomit. vomit. vomit. vomit."

On AL AND TIPPER GORE TO SEPARATE:
"Who gives a rat's ass? They're a couple of hicks."

On ADIDAS SHOCKED AT CRITICISM OF WORLD CUP BALL:
"Yeah, who cares what those narcissists think? About anything? Ever? I hope msnbc doesn't think there's any clamor for World Cup stories here in the US, because there isn't."

On BIEBER GETS BEST NEW ARTIST NOD FOR BET AWARDS:
"This brat makes me want to vomit. Vomit! Vomit! Vomit!"

On AUSTRALIAN FINISHES ROUND-THE-WORLD SAIL AT AGE 16:
"Who cares? in the 21st century this is hardly groundbreaking exploration or achievement, it's just a little brat seeking attention. Again, who cares?"

On SPELLING MANSION TOPS EXPENSIVE HOME LIST:
"The Spellings, living and dead, are just another family of American hicks."

On BIEBER TRIES TO CALM FANS AFTER DEATH THREATS:
"Justin Bieber makes me want to vomit. A singing fetus desperately seeking attention at every turn. Bleckkk!"

On LIFE ISN'T ALL GLITZ, GLAMOUR FOR OBAMA CRASHERS:
"What a couple of true hicks!"

On HOW I PACK FOR EUROPE by Rick Steves:
"Rick Steve's is a big hick."

On IT'S BARACK OBAMA'S WHITE HOUSE NOW [Which features two quotes from Robert Gibbs]:
"Gibbs seems like a hick. I'll bet he doesn't last 6 months in a White House position — he's out of his league."

On CLINTON NEARS GOAL WEIGHT FOR WEDDING:
"Who gives a flying fuuck?"

 

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