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- - - - [Read an explanation of the Darrell Issa California Election Omnipotence Bill.] [Read installments one and two of Gabe's diary.] - - - - August 25 On Saturday, August 9th, supporters of the Darrell Issa California Election Omnipotence Bill (DICEOB), showed up at San Francisco's City Hall in full force for the Darrell Issa Lordship Rally, and did not leave until their message had been heard (which, coincidentally, was the same time that their permit dictated they must leave). There was Andrea Velazquez of St. Joe, Missouri, Richard Parks of Los Angeles, California, and Cohen Vincent of Paris, France, along with scores of others. These three spirited rally-goers, however, were an indication of the far-reaching and uniting aspects of the DICEOB movement. But one man stood head and shoulders above the rest, despite his short stature. That man was Ricky "Rick" Bandrew, a war veteran and member of the Veterans for Peace organization. Rick, for a reason I have yet been unable to fathom, did not know about the Darrell Issa Lordship Rally, nor the greater DICEOB movement, upon his arrival at the steps of City Hall. But DICEOB piqued his interest, and Rick lowered himself onto the stone steps. He sang along with cheers, he frantically moved his weathered limbs along with the Darrell Issa Lordship Rally dances, and he left a believer. As an indication of DICEOB's modern, forward-thinking edge which so many people have commented on, the rally was replete with festive coalescent dances and a live musical performance by the local band Lupus Lupus. The City Hall authorities seemed to have such unwavering support for the DICEOB movement, that they took no action to prevent Lupus Lupus from using a megaphone, drum kit, or large gong, the use of which are all prohibited without a loudspeaker permit — a permit which we did not have. New ground was also broken in front of City Hall at the Darrell Issa Lordship Rally, as one earnest young activist asked if "Uncle Issa" would have any authority over the outcome of wars. To be honest, I was dumbfounded. Such a provision had never even occurred to me, and yet it made so much sense — why shouldn't Darrell Issa be granted such a power? And thus the first amendment to DICEOB was passed. Although some kinks still need to be worked out, the new DICEOB provision goes something like this: In the event of an outbreak of hostile behavior between two or more nations, or two or more states within a nation, Rep. Issa will declare a victor before any action is taken or negotiations held. For example, if Brazil were to declare war on Kuwait, before anything else happened, Rep. Issa would review Brazil's reasons for taking such a course of action, as well as the military capabilities of each nation. After reviewing such factors, Rep. Issa would reach a conclusion regarding which nation would emerge victorious, were they to actually engage in war. If Rep. Issa were to declare Brazil the stronger nation (for example), he would decide what Kuwait must relinquish unto the Brazilian government (land, assets, national anthem, etc.). If, within two years, Rep. Issa feels that he is unable to accurately determine the stronger nation, the authority to decide will be passed on to William Issa, Rep. Issa's brother. William Issa will have another two years to reach a decision. If he is unable to do so by the end of that period, all nations involved will be disbanded, their assets given to William. This provision (known heretofore as the Instantaneous Cessation of Hostilities Provision, or ICHP), will save countless lives, as well as millions, if not billions or even trillions of dollars, in military expenses. But what does all of this have to do with California, you may be asking yourself. Well, not a lot. So for the time being, this provision will only apply to situations in which the state of California is the prospective invader or invadee. But when DICEOB turns into DIWEOB (the Darrell Issa World Election Omnipotence Bill), ICHP will have global ramifications. As the rally wound down, I looked at the steps of San Francisco's effervescent City Hall building, and saw not a means of getting from one point to another, slightly higher point, but rather a site that future generations would remember as the place where DICEOB ceased to be a pipe dream, and finally took a firm grip on the future of California's legislative code. - - - -
- - - - If you would like to sign up, or help DICEOB in any way, please write to Attn: DICEOB Please include your name and address.
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