Through this Friday, all available back issues of Wholphin are half off—10 bucks apiece for countless warm evenings of rare films, featuring Miranda July, Paul Rudd, Donald Trump, and a monkey-faced eel. - - - -

M c S W E E N E Y ' S B R A I N   E X P L O D E R EDITED BY CARLTON DOBY - - - - C E L E B R I T Y   S E X BY SEAN CARMAN August 6 Match the celebrity with the reason you'd most like to sleep with them: 1. Shakira 2. Ted Koppel 3. Mighty Mouse 4. Kristy McNichol 5. The Flying Wallendas Answers: A. "Because there are eight of them, and they all have amazing balance and are very bendy." B. "To see if the carpet matches those red drapes." C. "Actually, if you could arrange a three-way with her and Beyonce, that would be outstanding. Do you know the right people? Could we set this up? I mean, if you can get the Flying Wallendas, this should be no problem, right?" D. "Because she was the most dangerous of the Apple's Way siblings, though she never really crossed any boundaries, now that I think about it. I think she may have smoked a cigarette without father Apple's permission once. That seemed pretty dangerous at the time. But then this was in 1974, and I was only 12. You know, maybe it was her bangs. The bangs, I guess. I guess it was the bangs." E. "That's disgusting." - - - - Now, the answer to the clue, "What a robot hammerhead thinks with" might be "SHARK A.I.," which is an anagram for Shakira. Rearrange letters in the names of the other four individuals featured in this week's Brain Exploder to find answers to the following clues. Each name will be used only once and the order in which the names appear in the above puzzle is not necessarily the order in which they will be used below. We will choose one person at random from respondents with the most correct answers to receive a McSweeney's book. Answers are due by noon, Friday, August 8th and, as always, should be sent to carltondoby@hotmail.com. 1. How you might suck up to a Japanese CEO dressed as William Wallace for Halloween. 2. Where you can find a good deal on bulk seaweed. 3. Prediction your Irish buddy won't like French Impressionist. 4. Terse command for your tailor. - - - - Click here for the answers to this Brain Exploder.     MORE BRAIN EXPLODERS

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