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Millard Kaufman's final novel has arrived!
Pick up Misadventure now—or, see what
you've missed out on thus far by picking up
both Bowl of Cherries and Misadventure
for 27% off the retail price.

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M c S W E E N E Y ' S
B R A I N   E X P L O D E R


EDITED BY CARLTON DOBY


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" R E V E N G E   O F   T H E   H U N T
A N D   P E C K E R S . "

BY SARAH GARB AND MEGAN PETERSON

August 20

With Asian civil-rights activists, New York flash mobs, and teenaged Kansans trading up-to-the-minute crush reconnaissance in fifth-period Algebra, the text message has established itself as a revolutionary, if not labor efficient, means of communication. For those (like this editor) not versed in the art, letters can be generated by multiple clicks of a certain digit on a modern cell phone's face. On the 1 key, for example, "a" is one click, but "c" is three. For each category below (one-click letters, two-click letters, three, and four), use the clues to come up with a sentence that uses only letters of that click value. For example,

One click:
Clue: A daughter suggests a geographic illustration to enhance her father's directions to the office picnic.

Answer: Add a map, dad.

For those without a cell phone handy, here are the letters that can be made with each digit:

1. NONE
2. abc
3. def
4. ghi
5. jkl
6. mno
7. pqrs
8. tuv
9. wxyz

From all the correct entries received by noon Friday at carltondoby@hotmail.com, one person will be selected at random to win a McSweeney's book.

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One Click
A dripping canine is urged to placate the beloved head of the household with his only trick.

Two Clicks
Exclamation upon encountering a particularly regal member of the Hymenoptera family.

Three Clicks
A nearly tearful child, frustrated with his parakeet's refusal to leave his perch, offers an ultimatum. Hint: The parakeet is named after an actor in westerns or a fast food chain.

Four Clicks
Soundly slumbering.

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AT AMATEUR MIXED MARTIAL ARTS FIGHTS


CONVERSATIONS AT A WARTIME CAFÉ

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TO, OR CONCERNING, SEAN HANNITY


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FLAG-FOOTBALL TEAM


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THREE-DEMENSIONAL CROSSWORD PUZZLE
IN THE SAN FRANCISCO PANORAMA


ABOUT A VERY BAD WIZARD

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