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Now available for preorder:
The San Francisco Panorama.
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A NAME-TAG SNAFU AT THE ANNUAL Last week, we presented a short excerpt of police fiction and asked readers to complete blanks in the story with anagrams for the names of conflated Spice Girls, Smurfs, and dwarves (trust me, it makes sense; read the story). Nine entrants filled in all five blanks correctly. They are: Mark Davies, Jed Scott, Matthew Blakstad, Andrew Kraft, Mark Mathis, Ian Baker, George Long, Nick Woodhead, and David Provost. The winner of a McSweeney's book, chosen at random, is Nick Woodhead. The answers are as follows: 1. Before you know it, they've started another one of these WAR-CRY FADS (SCARY DWARF) and it takes half the force to keep them in line." 2. "All I do is sit here and PUSH FORMS (POSH SMURF) around all day." 3. They'd brought Panini in before for Neon Tetra abuse and Red Swordtail theft. But those were strictly GUPPY CRIMES (GRUMPY SPICE) compared to something like this. 4. "I suggest you just sit there nice and quiet while the CHIEF TYPES (HEFTY SPICE) up the charges," 5. "I'll be walking outta here soon and when I do, there better be A PEPSI CAP (PAPA SPICE) on my head." - - - - THE JED SCOTT CASE
"I felt bad for Handy, Sleepy, and Sporty being left out of the game. Here's a possible continuation of the story…" Panini continued, "I was enjoying myself on that pier. It was a ______________ before you showed up." Esposito didn't react well to the criminal's tone. He shouted with ____________ into solitary and lose the key!" Sponsky and Jameson took Panini away, and returned, slapping each other on the back. "What a great catch," Jameson opined. Esposito just shook his head. "I'd be a little more ______________ if I knew what he was doing with that whale." (See the bottom of this page for the answers.) - - - - NOT SMURFY
- - - - A GOOD EFFORT, MR. FAWLTY
1. POWDRY FARTS (sporty dwarf) or
3. RACY PISCES (scary spice) - - - - YOU CAN'T GO TO THAT GRUMPY SPICE WELL TOO OFTEN
"As for those war-mongering youths, I firmly believe they've started another one of these ELF SUM PYRES (Sleepy Smurf). If practicing addition on and then setting fire to gnome corpses wouldn't start a riot, I don't know what would; after all, it's quite an incendiary action. "I hate to think of what will become of poor Sponksy, with his constant lament, "All I do is sit here and PUSH FORMS (posh smurf) around all day." (However, as a kind of bonus, he may very well be constantly reaching under his desk for the bottle to PEG SPICY RUM (Grumpy Spice) instead.) "And yes, Panini's Neon Tetra abuse and Red Swordtail theft were strictly GUPPY CRIMES (Grumpy Spice) compared to his latest caper, Esposito (who didn't drink much water) realized while working on the warrant. That's why Jameson advised the gangster to "Just sit there nice and quiet while the OFT DRY WRAPS (Sporty Dwarf) up the charges." But, through it all, Panini's focus remained on DE SHINY CAP (Handy Spice) that had been confiscated from his head." - - - - ANSWERS TO "THE JED SCOTT CASE": DANDY WHARF = HANDY DWARF FURY, "TOSS MR. P = SPORTY SMURF SUPER MYSELF = SLEEPY SMURF
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