Timothy McSweeney's Header Image

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Just in time for Valentine's Day,
the Guardian in London has
reviewed and raved about
The Secret Language of Sleep.
And, for the rest of the week,
you can buy it for $5!

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M c S W E E N E Y ' S
B R A I N   E X P L O D E R


EDITED BY CARLTON DOBY


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SPOOKY HALLOWEEN "PHIL" IN THE BLANK

October 28

With the BE's favorite holiday fast approaching, we turn to an old Brain Exploder favorite. Each of the clues will contain a missing phrase which you will have to complete with a title, author, or character name from horror films or literature. The clue will include blanks showing the number of words needed to complete the pun, as well as (in parentheses) the number of words in the spooky name or title. For instance, the clue might be:

If "hark" is a command to listen, does that ____ _ ______ is a person who hears? (2).

That sentence can be completed with the words "mean a harker," which is a reference to Mina Harker, the wife of Jonathan Harker, who is pursued so relentlessly by Dracula.

Send your answers to carltondoby@hotmail.com by noon Friday. The winner of a McSweeney's book will be chosen at random from all correct entries.

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1. To decorate the gym with turn-of-the-century nostalgia, the prom committee needed an eye for ninety-seven, an ear for ninety-nine, and a ____ ___ _____-___. (1)

2. Classical music is like a drug to me. In fact you could say I'm a ______ _____. (2)

3. The rodeo clown must have had peanut butter on her cheek because she fell down on the job ___ _ ____ ______ ___. (2)

4. The couple packed a cloak and an Irish sweater for their November trip to Helsinki, asserting that a Percy can don flannel ___ _ ____ ___ ____ ____; _______ __ the autumn can be chilly. (5)

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MORE BRAIN EXPLODERS

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BITCHSLAP: A COLUMN ABOUT WOMEN AND FIGHTING

DISPATCHES FROM A GUY TRYING UNSUCCESSFULLY
TO SELL A SONG IN NASHVILLE


GLOBAL WAR ON BEDBUGS: LETTERS FROM BEDBUG CITY

THE CONFLICTED EXISTENCE OF A FEMALE PORN WRITER

OH MY GAWD: A COLUMN ABOUT A TEENAGER NAVIGATING RELIGION

DISPATCHES FROM MANILA

DISPATCHES FROM AN INDIAN CASINO

THE CONVERGENCES CONTEST

CHRIS WHITE ANSWERS PROFOUND
QUESTIONS ABOUT THE PRESIDENTS


REPORTS FROM THE PINBALL SCENE

LETTERS FROM THE HELLBOX

NOTES FROM AN AMATEUR SPECTATOR
AT AMATEUR MIXED MARTIAL ARTS FIGHTS


B.R. COHEN'S DAYS AT THE MUSEUM

CONVERSATIONS AT A WARTIME CAFÉ

GRANT MUNROE'S CORPORATE FOLKTALES

SARAH WALKER SHOWS YOU HOW

DISPATCHES FROM AN ENVIRONMENTAL LAWYER
WHO IS TRYING TO GROW A MUSTACHE


DISPATCHES FROM A HANGDOG BANKRUPT

DISPATCHES FROM THE CAPITAL

DISPATCHES FROM INDIA

THE WINNER'S CIRCLE WITH ERIC FEEZELL

SEAN MICHAELS LISTENS TO MUSIC IN MONTREAL

SHORT IMAGINED MONOLOGUES

STAINED TEETH: A COLUMN ABOUT WINE

YOUR MONEY, YOUR JOB ... YOUR LIFE, WITH ALISON ROSEN

KEVIN DOLGIN TELLS YOU ABOUT PLACES YOU SHOULD GO IN EUROPE

LETTERS FROM AN EARTH BALL
TO, OR CONCERNING, SEAN HANNITY


E-MAILS SENT TO THE UNIVERSITY OF ALABAMA ENGLISH DEPARTMENT
FLAG-FOOTBALL TEAM


TRAVELING EUROPE IN STYLE WITH AUCKLAND DINGIROO,
DARK-AGE TOURIST AND CRITIC OF FOOD AND DRINK


JOHN MOE'S POP-SONG CORRESPONDENCES

INTERVIEWS WITH PEOPLE WHO HAVE INTERESTING OR UNUSUAL JOBS

FLIP: A COLUMN ABOUT SKATEBOARDING

OPEN LETTERS TO PEOPLE OR ENTITIES WHO ARE UNLIKELY TO RESPOND

BEN GREENMAN'S FAKE CELBRITY MUSICALS

DISPATCHES FROM A PUBLIC LIBRARIAN

EXCERPTS FROM THE PANORAMA

SOLUTIONS TO BENJAMIN TAUSIG'S
THREE-DEMENSIONAL CROSSWORD PUZZLE
IN THE SAN FRANCISCO PANORAMA


ABOUT A VERY BAD WIZARD

ABOUT THE WILD THINGS

ABOUT THE CONVALESCENT

ABOUT FEVER CHART

ABOUT GOD SAYS NO

ABOUT ZEITOUN

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