Please welcome Amy Jean Porter's horse T-shirt. For the next few days, the shirt is 20 percent off. - - - -

M c S W E E N E Y ' S B R A I N   E X P L O D E R A N S W E R S . EDITED BY CARLTON DOBY - - - - "YOU'RE THE TOPPS" December 3, 2003 Last week, we asked readers to unscramble words found on the backs of baseball cards from the seventies and eighties. Number three turned out to be the most difficult, although some entrants struggled with number four. The correct answers were: 1. Rick Waits, Pitcher, Milwaukee Brewers "Rick lists WRITING AND SINGING among his hobbies." 2. Bill Campbell, Pitcher, Philadelphia Phillies "Saw combat duty in Viet Nam AS A RADIO OPERATOR." 3. Steve Lake, Catcher, Chicago Cubs "His hobbies include REFURBISHING AUTOS." 4. Craig Swan, Pitcher, New York Mets "Is an avid gardener who GROWS ASSORTED VEGETABLES in Mets bullpen." 5. Bob Davis, Catcher, Toronto Blue Jays "Lists SNAKE HUNTING among his favorite pastimes." This week's winner of a McSweeney's book, chosen at random, is Scott Slezak. I KNOW SOME PARENTS WHO'D PAY GOOD MONEY TO TOUCH UP THAT ULTRASOUND [Steve Lake's] hobbies include BEATING HIS SOUR FUR. No, I mean, his hobbies include FOETUS AIRBRUSHING. No, no, sorry, his hobbies include ABORIGINE SURF HUTS. Or rather his hobbies include NO SHY MOJO, JAN. Dammit, I mean, his hobbies include REFURBISHING AUTOS! —Matthew Blakstad I DON'T THINK ANYONE AT THAT STORE ACTUALLY FISHES ANYMORE "[Steve Lake's] hobbies include [Eddie] BAUER FISHING TOURS." In truth, he has many hobbies, only some of which involve boar urine or unfit geisha burros (bad donkeys, indeed!). —Michael Northrop KOSHER DELI MADMAN I would prefer it if the answers were: Straining wingding A soapier toad roar Fishing, sure, or tuba Gloves at gross sweetbread A Nugent knish (Ted Nugent makes a marvelous Knish.) —William Sawalich STEVE LAKE HAS ISSUES Number three seemed to have various justifiable options: 3. Steve Lake, Catcher, Chicago Cubs "His hobbies include eating sour fish rub." (Maybe he grew up in New England.) "His hobbies include bruising us for hate." (Maybe he had some anger issues.) "His hobbies include touring as 'Bush Fire.'" (Maybe he segued into a professional wrestling career.) —Amy Goldberg YOU REALLY CAN'T BE ANY CLOSER, DAN "grew so' assort'd vegetables" —Daniel Dowhan MMMMM, FROSTING "Although, I can't really believe I was right about the one player whose hobbies included "frosting his bureau." What's that all about?" —Rachel Nishan. AMY JO JOHNSON, A KEYNES FAN? P.S.: As far as baseball goes, Amy Jo Johnson is apparently a SNEAKY FANE. http://www.teenmusic.com/transcripts.asp?event_id=1313 —Devin Thomas - - - -     MORE BRAIN EXPLODERS

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