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Millard Kaufman's final novel has arrived!
Pick up Misadventure now—or, see what
you've missed out on thus far by picking up
both Bowl of Cherries and Misadventure
for 27% off the retail price.

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Features by
Dan Kennedy.

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Dan Kennedy Solves
Your Problems With Paper
.

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Jokes for People With Body-Image Problems Tied to Low Self-Esteem
(5/4/09)

Truly Groundbreaking Marketing Research: Understanding Twitter
(3/31/09)

I Wonder What They're Saying in Bon Jovi's Preconcert Prayer Circle
(12/11/08)

My Therapist Thinks I Did My Vision Board Wrong, but I'm Pretty Sure I Nailed It
(8/19/08)

Your Millions Never Came: The Good News Is That I'm Making a Comeback
(6/19/08)

Youth Culture Findings
(5/2/08)

More Truly Groundbreaking Copywriting
(1/14/08)

LinkedIn Invitation E-mail Copy Revised
(11/28/07)

Punching Up the Script: Car Wash (1976)
(10/29/07)

I Can Tell Millions of Dollars Wouldn't Make You Happy Anyway: A Brief Follow-up With Regard to My Losing Your Money
(7/27/07)

Again, I'm Sorry I Failed to Make Millions of Dollars on Your Behalf: A Follow-up Letter
(4/6/07)

Failing at Flirting With the Hot Girl at the Office Where My Friend Works
(3/8/07)

The "I'm Sorry I Failed to Make You Rich" Letter
(1/17/07)

Revised Corporate E-mail Signature
(10/13/06)

A Note to the Groom
(9/22/06)

Silly Things My 3-Year-Old Said That I'm Certain the Rest of the World Would Find Sweet and Cute
(8/18/06)

Warnings I've Tried to Sneak Into the Fine Print at the Bottom of Your TV Screen
(7/12/06)

Truly Groundbreaking Ideas in Direct Mail
(5/2/06)

Six Inspirational Sayings I've Yet to Find on the Side of a Box of Tea
(4/18/06)

Public Service Announcement Revised
(3/23/06)

My Observational Comedy Bits That Continually Bomb in Comedy Clubs
(3/1/06)

1997: The Year Tooth Whitening Broke
(2/3/06)

Truly Groundbreaking Advertising Ideas
(12/22/05)

When Cops Bomb
(12/8/05)

Pretty Much the Way Some Tool on the Plane Was Telling Jokes While I Was Wondering If We Were All Going to Die in a Thunderstorm Over the Atlantic Ocean
(9/23/05)

Trying to Translate What My Girlfriend Is Saying in Swedish While She's on the Phone to Her Mother
(8/25/05)

Please Sign My 37th-Year Book
(5/31/05)

Making Reruns of Television Sitcoms More Exciting by Adding a Weapon
(1/19/05)

Condensed Letters to Penthouse Forum
(11/29/04)

I Lost My Greeting-Card Gig Because of My Drinking
(10/28/04)

Near-Genius at Work: Dan Kennedy Writes His Next Book
(9/30/04)

Five Rejected Opening Lines for the CBS Evening News
(6/8/04)

Smokesignals: The New Official Newsletter of Coyote Sam's Cowboy Grill®
(9/23/03)

The Cap'n Picks Up His Quill Again
(6/25/03)

Mom's Set List
(6/17/03)

Pun About Death Goes Here for Title: An Interview with Jim Keller, Groundskeeper at the Marysville Cemetery
(5/12/03)

Opening Lines I've Tried to Shock My Middle Class Father with on the Phone
(10/1/02)

Have No Insurance, Will Freelance
(9/5/02)

Evidently, It Was Live Then
(9/3/02)

No Excuses
(8/15/02)

At the Musée Picasso
(7/25/02)

A Memo from the Cap'n
(5/28/02)

Bob Ross Paints a Familiar Picture
(5/9/02)

Cap'n Cook's Code of Conduct
(5/1/02)

New Jelly Belly Recipes
(4/9/02)

Four Note Cards I Never Sent
(4/2/02)

What They're Saying in the Ambient Background of Pink Floyd Songs
(3/11/02)

Spicing Things Up
(2/25/02)

Four Under Twenty Whom You Need Not Watch
(12/12/01)

What Women Want
(10/31/01)

Sound Check at the Central Park Open Mic Poetry Reading
(7/24/01)

Excerpts From the Script of the Completely Made-Up Walking Tour of Greenwich Village I Have Recently Been Giving, for a Small Fee, to Unsuspecting Tourists
(12/6/00)

Revising Strunk and White
(11/10/00)

Kids Say the Darnedest Things
(10/11/00)

New Riddles for Five-Ounce Dixie Cups
(8/11/00)

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