Timothy McSweeney's Header Image

Perfect for Mother's Day: the Baby Be of Use series or The Secret Language of Sleep.

- - - -

Features by
Dan Kennedy.

- - - -

Dan Kennedy Solves
Your Problems With Paper
.

- - - -

Youth Culture Findings
(5/2/08)

More Truly Groundbreaking Copywriting
(1/14/08)

LinkedIn Invitation E-mail Copy Revised
(11/28/07)

Punching Up the Script: Car Wash (1976)
(10/29/07)

I Can Tell Millions of Dollars Wouldn't Make You Happy Anyway: A Brief Follow-up With Regard to My Losing Your Money
(7/27/07)

Again, I'm Sorry I Failed to Make Millions of Dollars on Your Behalf: A Follow-up Letter
(4/6/07)

Failing at Flirting With the Hot Girl at the Office Where My Friend Works
(3/8/07)

The "I'm Sorry I Failed to Make You Rich" Letter
(1/17/07)

Revised Corporate E-mail Signature
(10/13/06)

A Note to the Groom
(9/22/06)

Silly Things My 3-Year-Old Said That I'm Certain the Rest of the World Would Find Sweet and Cute
(8/18/06)

Warnings I've Tried to Sneak Into the Fine Print at the Bottom of Your TV Screen
(7/12/06)

Truly Groundbreaking Ideas in Direct Mail
(5/2/06)

Six Inspirational Sayings I've Yet to Find on the Side of a Box of Tea
(4/18/06)

Public Service Announcement Revised
(3/23/06)

My Observational Comedy Bits That Continually Bomb in Comedy Clubs
(3/1/06)

1997: The Year Tooth Whitening Broke
(2/3/06)

Truly Groundbreaking Advertising Ideas
(12/22/05)

When Cops Bomb
(12/8/05)

Pretty Much the Way Some Tool on the Plane Was Telling Jokes While I Was Wondering If We Were All Going to Die in a Thunderstorm Over the Atlantic Ocean
(9/23/05)

Trying to Translate What My Girlfriend Is Saying in Swedish While She's on the Phone to Her Mother
(8/25/05)

Please Sign My 37th-Year Book
(5/31/05)

Making Reruns of Television Sitcoms More Exciting by Adding a Weapon
(1/19/05)

Condensed Letters to Penthouse Forum
(11/29/04)

I Lost My Greeting-Card Gig Because of My Drinking
(10/28/04)

Near-Genius at Work: Dan Kennedy Writes His Next Book
(9/30/04)

Five Rejected Opening Lines for the CBS Evening News
(6/8/04)

Smokesignals: The New Official Newsletter of Coyote Sam's Cowboy Grill®
(9/23/03)

The Cap'n Picks Up His Quill Again
(6/25/03)

Mom's Set List
(6/17/03)

Pun About Death Goes Here for Title: An Interview with Jim Keller, Groundskeeper at the Marysville Cemetery
(5/12/03)

Opening Lines I've Tried to Shock My Middle Class Father with on the Phone
(10/1/02)

Have No Insurance, Will Freelance
(9/5/02)

Evidently, It Was Live Then
(9/3/02)

No Excuses
(8/15/02)

At the Musée Picasso
(7/25/02)

A Memo from the Cap'n
(5/28/02)

Bob Ross Paints a Familiar Picture
(5/9/02)

Cap'n Cook's Code of Conduct
(5/1/02)

New Jelly Belly Recipes
(4/9/02)

Four Note Cards I Never Sent
(4/2/02)

What They're Saying in the Ambient Background of Pink Floyd Songs
(3/11/02)

Spicing Things Up
(2/25/02)

Four Under Twenty Whom You Need Not Watch
(12/12/01)

What Women Want
(10/31/01)

Sound Check at the Central Park Open Mic Poetry Reading
(7/24/01)

Excerpts From the Script of the Completely Made-Up Walking Tour of Greenwich Village I Have Recently Been Giving, for a Small Fee, to Unsuspecting Tourists
(12/6/00)

Revising Strunk and White
(11/10/00)

Kids Say the Darnedest Things
(10/11/00)

New Riddles for Five-Ounce Dixie Cups
(8/11/00)

- - - -

MAIN PAGE   |   ARCHIVES

 

Memories of Amanda Davis

 


Red dot denotes content that is new today.

Black dot denotes newish content.

McSWEENEY'S STORE

SUBSCRIBE TO:
McSWEENEY'S
THE BELIEVER
WHOLPHIN

FUTURE McSWEENEY'S BOOKS

THE AMANDA DAVIS HIGHWIRE FICTION AWARD

INVITE A McSWEENEY'S AUTHOR TO SPEAK IN YOUR TOWN OR COLLEGE

McSWEENEY'S MONTHLY MAILING LIST

McSWEENEY'S-RELATED EVENTS AND VARIOUS TOUR DATES

ORDER INQUIRIES AND ADDRESS CHANGES

SUBMISSION GUIDELINES:
FOR BOOKS
FOR THE QUARTERLY
FOR THE WEBSITE
FOR WHOLPHIN

McSWEENEY'S INTERNSHIPS

CONTACT US

- - - -

LETTERS TO McSWEENEY'S

LISTS

McSWEENEY'S PREDICTS

McSWEENEY'S RECOMMENDS

NEW WHOLPHIN FILM

DAN LIEBERT, VERBAL CARTOONIST

JOKES BY BRIAN BEATTY

REVIEWS OF NEW FOOD

DISPATCHES FROM MOSCOW

SO YOU WANT TO BE PRESIDENT?

DISPATCHES FROM THE ANACOSTIA

THE WINNER'S CIRCLE WITH ERIC FEEZELL

BEN GREENMAN'S FAKE CELEBRITY MUSICALS

DISPATCHES FROM A HUMANITARIAN JOURNALIST

DISPATCHES FROM IRAQ

SHORT IMAGINED MONOLOGUES

PHILIP GRAHAM SPENDS A YEAR IN LISBON

STAINED TEETH: A COLUMN ABOUT WINE

DISPATCHES FROM THE NAPOLEONIC WARS AT THE MET

KEVIN DOLGIN TELLS YOU ABOUT PLACES YOU SHOULD GO IN EUROPE

LAWRENCE WESCHLER'S EVERYTHING THAT RISES: A BOOK OF CONVERGENCES

THE CONVERGENCES CONTEST

ABOUT WHAT IS THE WHAT

ABOUT BOWL OF CHERRIES

ABOUT COMEDY BY THE NUMBERS

ABOUT JOHN BRANDON'S ARKANSAS

LETTERS FROM AN EARTH BALL TO, OR CONCERNING, SEAN HANNITY

DISPATCHES FROM ADJUNCT FACULTY AT A LARGE STATE UNIVERSITY

ADVICE FROM A PERSON WITH A BACHELOR'S DEGREE IN PSYCHOLOGY

DISPATCHES FROM THE NBA ENTERTAINMENT LEAGUE

JOHN MOE'S POP-SONG CORRESPONDENCES

B.R. COHEN'S ANNALS OF SCIENCE

INTERVIEWS WITH PEOPLE WHO HAVE INTERESTING OR UNUSUAL JOBS

OPEN LETTERS TO PEOPLE OR ENTITIES WHO ARE UNLIKELY TO RESPOND

DISPATCHES FROM A PUBLIC LIBRARIAN

MICHAEL IAN BLACK IS A VERY FAMOUS CELEBRITY

DISPATCHES FROM ROY KESEY, AN AMERICAN GUY MARRIED TO
A PERUVIAN DIPLOMAT LIVING IN CHINA


STEPHEN ELLIOTT'S POKER REPORT

- - - -

ADDITIONAL MATERIAL