- - - -

Just in time for Valentine's Day,
the Guardian in London has
reviewed and raved about
The Secret Language of Sleep.
And, for the rest of the week,
you can buy it for $5!

- - - -

D I S P A T C H E S   F R O M A   P U B L I C   L I B R A R I A N BY SCOTT DOUGLAS - - - - Dispatch 11 (10/13/04) An Interview With Josh, Who Is a Library Page, and Whose Name Has Been Changed What size shoe do you wear? 11½. What's the best kind of shelving shoe? Vans. What technique do you use to secretly read a book while you're supposed to be shelving? There's a section in Juvenile Fiction—JF-L to JF-Z that cannot be seen by the senior clerk unless she is wandering around the library. I get in a squatting-type position in this area and position the book truck in front of me in such a way that it sort of looks like I'm sorting books on the bottom of the truck and not reading. Do you remember those two Russian girls that came in that one summer and all the guys were trying to figure out ways to hit on them when they didn't know English? Yes. If there were a biopic made detailing your life as a page, who would you want to play the role of you? I think Adam Sandler would do me justice, but only if it were a drama—his comedic ability is at times lacking. What's your favorite area to shelve? Why? Depends on my mood. I like videos and paperbacks, because they can be shelved quickly, and bringing back trucks quickly makes the clerks think I'm productive. If I'm reading what I shelve, then I like the 900 section; I know more about history from shelving in this section than from all the classes I've taken in college. What's your least favorite area to shelve? Why? 398s. They're never in order, and it's hard to read the call numbers, because the spine is usually narrow. What are the most common questions you're asked while shelving? Mostly where the bathroom is and what time does the library close. What's the best way to put books in order? Dewey or LOC? Why? Dewey. I don't know why. On average, how many book trucks do you shelve in one hour? If I'm not careful about making sure the books are in order—about 3. If I'm taking my time, then 1.5. Are you jealous or competitive with other pages? Only when we're working on the same shift. I try to shelve more than everyone else. If you could be any book, what one would you be? Why? Probably one of those paperback romances. Lonely, desperate women are always checking them out—it would make me feel hot and wanted. What do you think about the library's checkout policy? It's OK. - - - - MORE DISPATCHES

- - - - MAIN PAGE | ARCHIVES Memories of Amanda Davis Red dot denotes content that is new today. Black dot denotes newish content. McSWEENEY'S STORE SUBSCRIBE TO: McSWEENEY'S THE BELIEVER WHOLPHIN FUTURE McSWEENEY'S BOOKS THE AMANDA DAVIS HIGHWIRE FICTION AWARD INVITE A McSWEENEY'S AUTHOR TO SPEAK IN YOUR TOWN OR COLLEGE THE BEST AMERICAN NONREQUIRED READING McSWEENEY'S MONTHLY MAILING LIST BOOKSTORES WITH A McSWEENEY'S DISPLAY McSWEENEY'S-RELATED EVENTS AND VARIOUS TOUR DATES ORDER INQUIRIES AND ADDRESS CHANGES SUBMISSION GUIDELINES: FOR BOOKS FOR THE QUARTERLY FOR THE WEBSITE FOR WHOLPHIN McSWEENEY'S INTERNSHIPS CONTACT US - - - - LETTERS TO McSWEENEY'S LISTS McSWEENEY'S RECOMMENDS REVIEWS OF NEW FOOD NEW WHOLPHIN FILM TEDDY WAYNE'S UNPOPULAR PROVERBS NON-ESSENTIAL MNEMONICS BITCHSLAP: A COLUMN ABOUT WOMEN AND FIGHTING DISPATCHES FROM A GUY TRYING UNSUCCESSFULLY TO SELL A SONG IN NASHVILLE GLOBAL WAR ON BEDBUGS: LETTERS FROM BEDBUG CITY THE CONFLICTED EXISTENCE OF A FEMALE PORN WRITER OH MY GAWD: A COLUMN ABOUT A TEENAGER NAVIGATING RELIGION DISPATCHES FROM MANILA DISPATCHES FROM AN INDIAN CASINO THE CONVERGENCES CONTEST CHRIS WHITE ANSWERS PROFOUND QUESTIONS ABOUT THE PRESIDENTS REPORTS FROM THE PINBALL SCENE LETTERS FROM THE HELLBOX NOTES FROM AN AMATEUR SPECTATOR AT AMATEUR MIXED MARTIAL ARTS FIGHTS B.R. COHEN'S DAYS AT THE MUSEUM CONVERSATIONS AT A WARTIME CAFÉ GRANT MUNROE'S CORPORATE FOLKTALES SARAH WALKER SHOWS YOU HOW DISPATCHES FROM AN ENVIRONMENTAL LAWYER WHO IS TRYING TO GROW A MUSTACHE DISPATCHES FROM A HANGDOG BANKRUPT DISPATCHES FROM THE CAPITAL DISPATCHES FROM INDIA THE WINNER'S CIRCLE WITH ERIC FEEZELL SEAN MICHAELS LISTENS TO MUSIC IN MONTREAL SHORT IMAGINED MONOLOGUES STAINED TEETH: A COLUMN ABOUT WINE YOUR MONEY, YOUR JOB ... YOUR LIFE, WITH ALISON ROSEN KEVIN DOLGIN TELLS YOU ABOUT PLACES YOU SHOULD GO IN EUROPE LETTERS FROM AN EARTH BALL TO, OR CONCERNING, SEAN HANNITY E-MAILS SENT TO THE UNIVERSITY OF ALABAMA ENGLISH DEPARTMENT FLAG-FOOTBALL TEAM TRAVELING EUROPE IN STYLE WITH AUCKLAND DINGIROO, DARK-AGE TOURIST AND CRITIC OF FOOD AND DRINK JOHN MOE'S POP-SONG CORRESPONDENCES INTERVIEWS WITH PEOPLE WHO HAVE INTERESTING OR UNUSUAL JOBS FLIP: A COLUMN ABOUT SKATEBOARDING OPEN LETTERS TO PEOPLE OR ENTITIES WHO ARE UNLIKELY TO RESPOND BEN GREENMAN'S FAKE CELBRITY MUSICALS DISPATCHES FROM A PUBLIC LIBRARIAN EXCERPTS FROM THE PANORAMA SOLUTIONS TO BENJAMIN TAUSIG'S THREE-DEMENSIONAL CROSSWORD PUZZLE IN THE SAN FRANCISCO PANORAMA ABOUT A VERY BAD WIZARD ABOUT THE WILD THINGS ABOUT THE CONVALESCENT ABOUT FEVER CHART ABOUT GOD SAYS NO ABOUT ZEITOUN - - - - ADDITIONAL MATERIAL