Timothy McSweeney's Header Image

- - - -

Just in time for Valentine's Day,
the Guardian in London has
reviewed and raved about
The Secret Language of Sleep.
And, for the rest of the week,
you can buy it for $5!

- - - -

D I S P A T C H E S   F R O M
A   P U B L I C   L I B R A R I A N

BY SCOTT DOUGLAS

- - - -

Dispatch 2 (1/5/04)

Patron of the Week
It always surprises people to know that patrons frequently verbally, and sometimes physically, assault librarians. This week's memorable patron was the man who said he'd be waiting for me after work. The man came in on a Saturday to use the Internet. He was middle-aged, tired, but seemingly friendly at first. I assigned him a computer on the other side of the library. Saturdays are usually slow and quiet at the library where I work, and usually I pass time by studying the palm of my hand from different angles. Things got a little loud, however, when the man I had assigned to the Internet began yelling into his cell phone (as a side note, if anyone has ever been asked to turn their cell phone off in the library, it is because many people, while normally quiet in regular conversation, get quite loud when on the phone). I approached the man and I explained that it was library policy that cell phones remain off in the library, and if he wanted to continue his conversation, he'd have to use the phone outside. The man, clearly upset that I had so rudely interrupted his phone call, explained that he was talking with an important Sprint PCS customer service agent regarding his most recent billing statement, and that he needed the Internet to access his bill. Before I could respond, the man turned and went back to his phone conversation, explaining to the costumer service agent that he was sorry but an "idiot librarian" had tried to end his call. No librarian likes to have his or her authority as librarian undermined. It's not a power issue, rather a simple fact that policy has been disturbed and you don't mess with library policy and get away with it. Nonetheless, I was in a good mood, so I walked around the man (so as to face him), and I asked him if he'd consider talking in a quiet-like fashion and finishing the call quickly. He said he'd finish the call when he was done talking and not a minute sooner. I turned off his computer and asked him to leave; and that's when he stood (and also when I realized he was quite tall) and screamed, "you want to see loud" in a fashion that made everyone in the library turn around and look at the man a little frightened. I didn't think he meant it as a question, so I decided not to answer him, which only made him louder as he asked, "Who do you think you are?" I knew at this point that the situation was quickly getting complicated, and to make matters worse the man really did not have very good breath. I told the man he was being disruptive and he needed to leave the library. I knew he wasn't going to go out without further fuss, but I still hoped. I returned to the reference desk, and the man of course followed. He asked for my name, and when I gave it, he said he was going to go see the mayor and have my job. He started to leave, but turned back around after only a few steps, and said he would be waiting for me after work and I was going to be sorry. Finally, he left, at which point one of the library volunteers (a high school kid) approached me and said, "that was awesome, I thought he was going to jack you up right in the library!" Later that day I received a call from another librarian at the city's main library asking if I had had any problems that day with a patron. I said yes, and asked the librarian why. He said the man had come into the main library and filed a complaint against me. I asked if he mentioned coming back after I got off work to beat me up. He had forgotten to mention that. After work, I approached the parking lot with a bit of caution, but the man was not there, nor have I seen him since that Saturday.

Book Drop
The strangest item in the book drop this week was an unlit firecracker. Patrons putting firecrackers in the library overnight book drop does not happen as often as some people imagine. This is only the second time I've seen one (although it was the first time I had seen one unlit). The first one destroyed seven books and damaged over a dozen others.

- - - -

MORE DISPATCHES

 

 

- - - -

MAIN PAGE | ARCHIVES



Memories of Amanda Davis




Red dot denotes content that is new today.

Black dot denotes newish content.

McSWEENEY'S STORE

SUBSCRIBE TO:
McSWEENEY'S
THE BELIEVER
WHOLPHIN

FUTURE McSWEENEY'S BOOKS

THE AMANDA DAVIS HIGHWIRE FICTION AWARD

INVITE A McSWEENEY'S AUTHOR TO SPEAK IN YOUR TOWN OR COLLEGE

THE BEST AMERICAN NONREQUIRED READING

McSWEENEY'S MONTHLY MAILING LIST

BOOKSTORES WITH A McSWEENEY'S DISPLAY

McSWEENEY'S-RELATED EVENTS AND VARIOUS TOUR DATES

ORDER INQUIRIES AND ADDRESS CHANGES

SUBMISSION GUIDELINES:
FOR BOOKS
FOR THE QUARTERLY
FOR THE WEBSITE
FOR WHOLPHIN

McSWEENEY'S INTERNSHIPS

CONTACT US

- - - -

LETTERS TO McSWEENEY'S

LISTS

McSWEENEY'S RECOMMENDS

REVIEWS OF NEW FOOD

NEW WHOLPHIN FILM

TEDDY WAYNE'S UNPOPULAR PROVERBS

NON-ESSENTIAL MNEMONICS

BITCHSLAP: A COLUMN ABOUT WOMEN AND FIGHTING

DISPATCHES FROM A GUY TRYING UNSUCCESSFULLY
TO SELL A SONG IN NASHVILLE


GLOBAL WAR ON BEDBUGS: LETTERS FROM BEDBUG CITY

THE CONFLICTED EXISTENCE OF A FEMALE PORN WRITER

OH MY GAWD: A COLUMN ABOUT A TEENAGER NAVIGATING RELIGION

DISPATCHES FROM MANILA

DISPATCHES FROM AN INDIAN CASINO

THE CONVERGENCES CONTEST

CHRIS WHITE ANSWERS PROFOUND
QUESTIONS ABOUT THE PRESIDENTS


REPORTS FROM THE PINBALL SCENE

LETTERS FROM THE HELLBOX

NOTES FROM AN AMATEUR SPECTATOR
AT AMATEUR MIXED MARTIAL ARTS FIGHTS


B.R. COHEN'S DAYS AT THE MUSEUM

CONVERSATIONS AT A WARTIME CAFÉ

GRANT MUNROE'S CORPORATE FOLKTALES

SARAH WALKER SHOWS YOU HOW

DISPATCHES FROM AN ENVIRONMENTAL LAWYER
WHO IS TRYING TO GROW A MUSTACHE


DISPATCHES FROM A HANGDOG BANKRUPT

DISPATCHES FROM THE CAPITAL

DISPATCHES FROM INDIA

THE WINNER'S CIRCLE WITH ERIC FEEZELL

SEAN MICHAELS LISTENS TO MUSIC IN MONTREAL

SHORT IMAGINED MONOLOGUES

STAINED TEETH: A COLUMN ABOUT WINE

YOUR MONEY, YOUR JOB ... YOUR LIFE, WITH ALISON ROSEN

KEVIN DOLGIN TELLS YOU ABOUT PLACES YOU SHOULD GO IN EUROPE

LETTERS FROM AN EARTH BALL
TO, OR CONCERNING, SEAN HANNITY


E-MAILS SENT TO THE UNIVERSITY OF ALABAMA ENGLISH DEPARTMENT
FLAG-FOOTBALL TEAM


TRAVELING EUROPE IN STYLE WITH AUCKLAND DINGIROO,
DARK-AGE TOURIST AND CRITIC OF FOOD AND DRINK


JOHN MOE'S POP-SONG CORRESPONDENCES

INTERVIEWS WITH PEOPLE WHO HAVE INTERESTING OR UNUSUAL JOBS

FLIP: A COLUMN ABOUT SKATEBOARDING

OPEN LETTERS TO PEOPLE OR ENTITIES WHO ARE UNLIKELY TO RESPOND

BEN GREENMAN'S FAKE CELBRITY MUSICALS

DISPATCHES FROM A PUBLIC LIBRARIAN

EXCERPTS FROM THE PANORAMA

SOLUTIONS TO BENJAMIN TAUSIG'S
THREE-DEMENSIONAL CROSSWORD PUZZLE
IN THE SAN FRANCISCO PANORAMA


ABOUT A VERY BAD WIZARD

ABOUT THE WILD THINGS

ABOUT THE CONVALESCENT

ABOUT FEVER CHART

ABOUT GOD SAYS NO

ABOUT ZEITOUN

- - - -

ADDITIONAL MATERIAL