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Obstacles That Keep My Career as a French Professor from Being More Like Tim Gunn's on Project Runway.- - - - Colleagues unwilling to form "guest judge" panels to correct my mid-term exams. Student anger at surprise, last-minute addition of a thirteenth page to their twelve-page final essays. The catchphrase "Faites-le marcher" doesn't appear to motivate the class. Difficulty color-coordinating lavender ties with puce coffee stains. Strenuous selection period of a German graduate student capable of "aufing" with proper combination of disdain and distance. Awkwardness visiting the students at their homes during the last week of classes to get a glimpse of their final projects; few of their families served me dinner. Inefficiency of weekly field-trips to the department Xerox machine giving students half an hour to gather the materials they will need for class. Week four's challenge of using a jar of jam and confetti to illustrate visually the difference between voluntary and involuntary memory in Marcel Proust's À la Recherche du Temps Perdu produced no clear winner. Unable to maintain lady-like demeanor during office hours. Grand prize of $3.00, an all-expense-paid trip for two to the student union and a five-page spread in The American Association of French Teacher's French Review unable to overcome the resentment caused by asking the student with each week's lowest grade to gather-up his or her things and go home.
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