We Have Ways
to Make You Talk.
BY RALPH GAMELLI
- - - -
"How much do you think it would hurt if I were to take volume S of the Encyclopaedia Britannica and slam it shut on your nose?"
"This is my friend Ernst. He's German. He doesn't talk, but if he did, he'd speak with a thick German accent. Look at him. Look how German he is. 'Nuff said."
"No one enjoys wet socks. You should know we have plenty of water. And socks."
"See the items on this tray? You'll recognize them from your dentist's office. They tell me this one is the worst. They call it ... dental floss."
"Mr. Shin, meet Mr. Steel-Toed Boot."
"While it's true that sticks and stones will break your bones, everyone knows it's a fallacy that names will never hurt you. We've talked to some people from your past and know which names will cause the most pain, and we're prepared to use them."
"We like to pinch."
"Are you aware that Dolly Parton has recorded over 75 albums in her career? Don't make us prove it."
"Bed-wetter!"
"If you don't talk, I won't give you this dollar."
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