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Dave Eggers' The Wild Things is available for preorder, in regular hardcover and
limited-edition fur-covered.
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Republican Dozens.BY DAVID JASPER - - - - "Your mother's SUV is so old, it takes four gallons to go around the mansion." "Your mother is so easy, she'd give any Green Party candidate's war chest a heaping big donation, if you get my drift." "Your father is so poor, he has to borrow from loan sharks, who, I remind you, are not members FDIC." "Your sister is so skinny, she'd make a great sundial—if only she were strong enough to stand and I didn't already own a Rolex." "Your brother is so sexually confused, he's thinking of going bipartisan." "You flip-flop so much, I'd swear you were a pair of sandals." "You're so unpatriotic, you once asked a question pertaining to the president." "Your father tried to dodge the draft and ended up with a cold. And then he enlisted anyway, for the free health care." "You're so dumb, you worried the leisure class would have a test." "Your house is so small, it has just a two-car garage." "Your mother's shoes are sensible—in the bad sense, like socialism." "You're so stupid, you saw a doctor after being accused of conspicuous consumption." "Your family is not truly blue-blooded, more an aquamarine color." "You tried to get into an Ivy League school and got poison ivy instead." "Your fraternity is so ghetto it's located not in a student ghetto, but a real one, with ethnics and everything." "You're so stupid, you tried out for the NBA—and wound up with an MBA." "Your mother is such a bleeding heart, she once signed a petition." "Your country club is so cheap, it's outsourcing to India." "Your lawyer chases dogs." "Liberal." "Frenchman."
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