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Millard Kaufman's final novel has arrived!
Pick up Misadventure now—or, see what
you've missed out on thus far by picking up
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for 27% off the retail price.
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Failed One-Liners from My Audition for Host of Australia's Funniest Home Videos.BY WAYNE GLADSTONE AND IAN CAREY - - - - "I said throw a shrimp on the Barbie—not Grandma!" "It's like the lady's saying to her dog, 'don't you dare eat my toast.' And the dog's saying, 'I vegemite. I vegemite not.'" "Is that a wombat in your pants, mate or are you just happy to see me? Crikey! It IS a wombat!" "Along came a spider and sat down beside her, and ... made some fat kid fall out of her chair. Although, in fairness, a drop of that spider's venom could kill a cow, so fair enough." "That's not a boy paralyzing himself on a trampoline. THAT'S a boy paralyzing himself on a trampoline." "To wallaby or not to wallaby: that is the question. Crikey! NOT to wallaby." "Lookee here. Not exactly Steve Irwin. Well, actually he is getting attacked by a fish, so yeah, kinda like Steve Irwin, but it's only landing a non-fatal bite to his scrotum so scratch that. I stand by what I said before. Not exactly Steve Irwin. Rest in Peace, Steve!" "Didgeridoo? More like didgeriDON'T, am I right?" "Ouch, looks like that Australian native just took a boomerang right to the aborigi-KNEES!" "Maybe the baby ate your dingo!" "Crikey! That's the crikiest criker in who ever criked a ... I'll just show myself out."
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