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Dave Eggers' The Wild Things is available for preorder, in regular hardcover and
limited-edition fur-covered.

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Seldom-Seen
Lunchbox Notes
From Mothers.

BY PETER CUNNIFFE

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Stevie,

There is a 20 between the baloney and cheese. Score me a liter of bourbon on the way home from school and there'll be another 20 in tomorrow's lunch.

Love,
Mom

P.S. Don't mention a word of this to Dad.

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Katie,

Can you find out if your new bus driver is single? Damn, he's got some ass!

Love,
Mom

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Ted,

I had a brief fling with your math teacher, Mr. Kolter. But don't let on. K?

Love,
Mom

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Veronica,

Just for kicks see if you can use the term "bitch-slapped"—in context—during home ec this afternoon.

Love,
Mom

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Derek,

I agree with you that Ralph from Weston Drive is a fat moron, but he's much bigger than you. How 'bout tonight—late tonight—you and I sneak out and pour sugar in the gas tank of that Lexus his daddy gave him?

Love,
Mom

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Stanley,

Any more of that Dungeons & Dragons crap and I'll drive down there and kick your ass for the whole school to see. Got it?

Love,
Mom

 

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