Authorial
Candy Bars,
with Their
Respective Tag Lines,
That Weren't as Successful as
the Oh Henry!
Candy Bar.
BY JONATHAN SHIPLEY
- - - -
Nietzsche Bar—"Chocolate is dead."
Orwell Bar—"Eat this treat and help blot out the bloody stain of
Stalin's Russia."
Barrie's Berry Snacks—"The official candy of faeries."
Chaucer Sweet Cheese Bar—"Of harmes two the lesse is for to cheese."
Melville Bar—"Call me tasty."
Dollop of Trollope—"Victorianesque in its chocolate decadence."
James Joyce Candy Bar—"Episode I: Tele-munch-us."
E.A. Poe Candy Balls—"Keeping time, time, time, / In a sort of Runic rhyme, / To the tintinnabulation that so musically wells / From the Candy Balls, Candy Balls, Candy
Balls."
Mrs. Dalloway Treats—"Woolf these down!"
Wilde Bar—"A taste so good it'll be better than being sentenced to two years of hard labor for the crime of sodomy."
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