Unspoken Afterthoughts
to Childhood
Catch Phrases.
BY MATTHEW ZILS
- - - -
God made dirt, so dirt don't hurt ... but rocks do.
A penny saved is a penny earned ... unless you stole it.
Pretty girls have all the fun ... and all the babies ... and none of the diplomas.
Don't judge a book by its cover ... unless you can't read.
Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words will never hurt me ... except when spoken by my overly critical, infantilizing mother.
You catch more bees with honey ... but who the hell wants to catch bees?
Treat others as you wish to be treated ... unless you're a masochist.
If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all ... it's better to lash out
unexpectedly.
Father knows best ... but Mother is more manipulative.
Jesus loves you ... but he's the only one, you sanctimonious shit.
First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the baby in the baby carriage ... unless you're gay or barren.
Don't talk to strangers ... unless you're drunk at a bar and he's got a nice ass.
In 1400 and 92, Columbus sailed the ocean blue ... bringing with him slavery and disease.
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