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Issue 35 is nearly here, in all its disappearing-ink glory.
For a very limited time, subscribe to the Quarterly, starting with
Issue 35
, and get a FREE
Better of McSweeney's, Vol. II.

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Jane Austen
Tries Her Hand
at Advertising.

BY HALLI MELNITSKY

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Mr. Clean? Of the Derbyshire Cleans?

An Army of One ... Dishonorable Man Who Is No Longer Invited to Our Private Balls.

The Best Part of Living in a Claustrophobic Society With Little to No Social Mobility Where Individuals Are Valued for Their Land and Yearly Income ... Is Folgers in Your Cup.

Maybe She's Born With It. Maybe She's Destined for Spinsterhood.

Dude, You're Getting a Carriage.

 

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