Timothy McSweeney's Header Image

- - - -

Dave Eggers' The Wild Things is available for preorder, in regular hardcover and
limited-edition fur-covered.

- - - -

General Broadcasting Standards Concerning Upper-Torso Nudity.

BY DAYVID FIGLER

- - - -

ACCEPTABLE
(Can usually be seen on broadcast television)

Straight, unpierced males within normal anthropometric ranges

Infants—all sexes* (diaper commercials, sitcoms, soap operas)

Obese men covered in team colors

Pre-op transsexuals prior to hormone treatment (clinical males)

Live African women (documentary only)

Gender-nominal Muppets within normal anthropomorphic ranges

Bikini-clad spring-break participants (non-trampoline-jumping)

Girls Gone Wild commercials (up to and just before "flashing" obscured by black boxes)

Actor in gorilla suit (portraying male or female gorilla)

Female athletes in two-piece bodytard swimwear playing beach volleyball

Victoria's Secret models in nonsheer lingerie

Side view of mammogram patient (local news or documentary)

- - - -

GRAY AREA
(Station director may opt to not show
to protect morality)

Shirtless gay men partying at Fire Island with pierced nipples

Prepubescent girls* (dramatic works depicting poor children running around tenement)

Obese men with technical breast size of 34C or larger (jumping on trampolines)

Pre-op transsexuals at the beginning stages of hormone treatment (clinical males)

Still photos of dead topless women (crime victims, autopsy documentary)

Miss Piggy in a loose-fitting karate gi/Electric Mayhem guitarist Janice in a halter-top

Bikini-clad Blind Date contestants dancing to the song "Who Let the Dogs Out?"

Women soccer players in sports bras

Runway models displaying saucy French couture

Plastic-surgery enhancement or reduction of breasts (documentary only and only a glance)

Mastectomy patients (documentary only and only a glance)

- - - -

UNACCEPTABLE
(Immense FCC fines)

Healthy nondiseased postpubescent females from "Christian" countries

Pre-op transsexuals (or "extreme" bar bettors) with implants larger than 32A (clinical males)

Post-op transsexuals (clinical females)

Human "furries" if there is a suggestion of sexual desire (even fully ensconced in costume)

Live African-American women with nipples obscured by metal sheath

Infant females or prepubescent girls if the context is "creepy"

- - - -

* Some states have laws prohibiting children under the age of 18 to pose or to be exhibited in a state of nudity for purpose of visual reproduction in any medium if there is "lascivious intent." In other words, one person's cute picture of their naked kid on a bearskin rug in the wrong hands can be a felony. As always, depravity depends on the mind of the beholder.

 

MORE LISTS

 

- - - -

MAIN PAGE | ARCHIVES



Memories of Amanda Davis




Red dot denotes content that is new today.

Black dot denotes newish content.

McSWEENEY'S STORE

SUBSCRIBE TO:
McSWEENEY'S
THE BELIEVER
WHOLPHIN

FUTURE McSWEENEY'S BOOKS

THE AMANDA DAVIS HIGHWIRE FICTION AWARD

INVITE A McSWEENEY'S AUTHOR TO SPEAK IN YOUR TOWN OR COLLEGE

THE BEST AMERICAN NONREQUIRED READING

McSWEENEY'S MONTHLY MAILING LIST

BOOKSTORES WITH A McSWEENEY'S DISPLAY

McSWEENEY'S-RELATED EVENTS AND VARIOUS TOUR DATES

ORDER INQUIRIES AND ADDRESS CHANGES

SUBMISSION GUIDELINES:
FOR BOOKS
FOR THE QUARTERLY
FOR THE WEBSITE
FOR WHOLPHIN

McSWEENEY'S INTERNSHIPS

CONTACT US

- - - -

LETTERS TO McSWEENEY'S

LISTS

McSWEENEY'S PREDICTS

McSWEENEY'S RECOMMENDS

NEW WHOLPHIN FILM

DAN LIEBERT, VERBAL CARTOONIST

TEDDY WAYNE'S UNPOPULAR PROVERBS

REVIEWS OF NEW FOOD

DISPATCHES FROM MANILA

DISPATCHES FROM MOSCOW

AND HERE'S THE KICKER:
MIKE SACKS'S CONVERSATIONS WITH HUMOR WRITERS


SARAH WALKER SHOWS YOU HOW

DISPATCHES FROM AN ENVIRONMENTAL LAWYER
WHO IS TRYING TO GROW A MUSTACHE


DISPATCHES FROM A HANGDOG BANKRUPT

DISPATCHES FROM THE ANACOSTIA

DISPATCHES FROM THE CAPITAL

DISPATCHES FROM INDIA

THE WINNER'S CIRCLE WITH ERIC FEEZELL

BEN GREENMAN'S FAKE CELEBRITY MUSICALS

SEAN MICHAELS LISTENS TO MUSIC IN MONTREAL

SHORT IMAGINED MONOLOGUES

KIDS' LETTERS TO PRESIDENT OBAMA

STAINED TEETH: A COLUMN ABOUT WINE

DISPATCHES FROM THE WINGS AT THE BALLET

YOUR MONEY, YOUR JOB ... YOUR LIFE, WITH ALISON ROSEN

KEVIN DOLGIN TELLS YOU ABOUT PLACES YOU SHOULD GO IN EUROPE

LAWRENCE WESCHLER'S EVERYTHING THAT RISES: A BOOK OF CONVERGENCES

THE CONVERGENCES CONTEST

ABOUT THE CONVALESCENT

ABOUT GOD SAYS NO

ABOUT UNDERGROUND AMERICA

ABOUT THANKS AND HAVE FUN RUNNING THE COUNTRY

LETTERS FROM AN EARTH BALL TO, OR CONCERNING, SEAN HANNITY

DISPATCHES FROM ADJUNCT FACULTY AT A LARGE STATE UNIVERSITY

E-MAILS SENT TO THE UNIVERSITY OF ALABAMA ENGLISH DEPARTMENT
FLAG-FOOTBALL TEAM


ADVICE FROM A PERSON WITH A BACHELOR'S DEGREE IN PSYCHOLOGY

JOHN MOE'S POP-SONG CORRESPONDENCES

INTERVIEWS WITH PEOPLE WHO HAVE INTERESTING OR UNUSUAL JOBS

FLIP: A COLUMN ABOUT SKATEBOARDING

OPEN LETTERS TO PEOPLE OR ENTITIES WHO ARE UNLIKELY TO RESPOND

DISPATCHES FROM A PUBLIC LIBRARIAN

MICHAEL IAN BLACK IS A VERY FAMOUS CELEBRITY

DAN KENNEDY SOLVES YOUR PROBLEMS WITH PAPER

STEPHEN ELLIOTT'S POKER REPORT

- - - -

ADDITIONAL MATERIAL