You feel poor. We feel poor. Let's feel poor together. This week only, almost everything is half-price in our online store. Escape the holiday rush and cross every name off your list in one cheap swoop. - - - -

I N E F F E C T I V E   W A Y S   T O S U B D U E   A   J A G U A R . BY ELIZABETH BUTLER - - - - 1. Hit him with a sock full of pennies. 2. Bite him to make him think you're a jaguar. 3. Punch-punch-overhead kick combo. 4. Tell him that your mommy's not home. 5. Read from a biography of a former United States president in a soothing voice. 6. Quickly make a fake female jaguar and place it in front of a large, flat stone on which you've painted a doorway. 7. The four legs of a chair, all moving simultaneously. 8. Pat him on the back until he burps. 9. Death roll.   MORE LISTS

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