F R O M T H E A R C H I V E S
A CORNUCOPIA OF THANKSGIVING LISTS.
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What My Father Said
About Thanksgiving,
What I Thought, and
What He Meant.
BY ALLIE OESTREICH
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I invited an orphan to come to Thanksgiving dinner.
A young boy with no family will be joining us. He will look like Oliver and wear those cool gloves with no finger parts to them. We will give him "more."
I invited a homeless man I met at Starbucks to come to Thanksgiving. He's, like, 40.
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Topics of
Conversation at
My Cousin's House
on Any Given
Holiday.
BY JASON ROHRBACKER
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Whose house this is and how you'll act in it
Who put a roof over your head and how you'll behave as long as you're under it
Who is not here to win any popularity contests
Who is just plain ignorant
When this conversation is over
What is an argument and what is just a discussion
Whether Democrats or Republicans are closeted child-molesting homosexual Communists
Who is in charge here
How school is going
Who has had more than enough to drink
The weather
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Reason
for Celebrating
Every Major Holiday
With the In-laws,
According to My
Mother-in-Law.
BY CG LEDDY
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Because we'll be dead soon and then you can celebrate with whoever you want.
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Unpleasant Questions
to Be Asked at the End
of a Meal.
BY JACQUE LYNN SCHILLER
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Are you still picking at it?
Pile getting low?
Finished with your business?
You're not going to eat the rest of that, are you?
Done working on that?
Got room in there for dessert?
Ready to pop?
So I guess everything went down OK?
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A Hillbilly
Thanksgiving Menu.
BY MARK FISHER
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Wild turkey
Wild Turkey
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