Timothy McSweeney's Header Image

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Dave Eggers' The Wild Things is available for preorder, in regular hardcover and
limited-edition fur-covered.

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V A N I T Y   P L A T E S   O F   A L A S K A :
T H E   A V A I L A B L E ,   T H E
U N A V A I L A B L E ,   A N D   T H E   I S S U E D .


BY AMANDA TOERING

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Religious Plates:

IAMGOD: available
IMAGOD: available
IM GOD: unavailable (may be inappropriate or offensive to others)
GOD: issued
THEGOD: available
DA GOD: available
ONEGOD: issued
LUVGOD: issued
NO GOD: unavailable (may be inappropriate or offensive to others)
GODWHO: available
OH GOD: issued
JESUS: issued
CHRIST: available
DALORD: available
JC FRK: available
JC LVR: available
IM JC: available
SATAN: unavailable (may be inappropriate or offensive to others)
EVIL: unavailable (may be inappropriate or offensive to others)
DEMON: available
DEVIL: issued
LCIFER: available
SAVED: issued
SINNER: issued
HINDU: available
MORMON: available

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Things in a Bar:

BEER: issued
BREW: issued
BREWER: issued
SUDS: issued
WINE: issued
VINO: available
WINO: available
DRUNK: unavailable (may be inappropriate or offensive to others)
DRNKRD: available
PLSTRD: available
ALKY: issued
ALKIE: available
RUMMY: available
LUSH: available
OLDSOT: available
TQUILA: issued
WHSKY: available
JKDNLS: available
SCOTCH: issued
BURBON: issued
GROG: issued
BOOZE: available
BOOZER: available
80 PRF: available

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Things Related to Prostitution:

HOOKER: unavailable (may be inappropriate or offensive to others)
STWLKR: unavailable (may be inappropriate or offensive to others)
TART: available
CLLGRL: available
CALLET: available
HUSTLR: available
HARLOT: unavailable (may be inappropriate or offensive to others)
JEZBEL: available
BUYME: issued
IDOIT: available
CRUZER: issued
PIMP: unavailable (may be inappropriate or offensive to others)
MADAM: available
PIMPED: unavailable (may be inappropriate or offensive to others)
PIMPEE: available
JOHN: issued
TOMATO: issued
JOYGRL: available
WT SLV: available
TEASE: issued

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ISMs:

ZIONST: available
SEXIST: available
FMNIST: available
CMNIST: available
MRXIST: available
BGMIST: available
BDDIST: available
PSMIST: available
HDNIST: available
AGEIST: available
NRKIST: available

 

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Memories of Amanda Davis




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LETTERS TO McSWEENEY'S

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McSWEENEY'S PREDICTS

McSWEENEY'S RECOMMENDS

NEW WHOLPHIN FILM

DAN LIEBERT, VERBAL CARTOONIST

TEDDY WAYNE'S UNPOPULAR PROVERBS

REVIEWS OF NEW FOOD

DISPATCHES FROM MANILA

DISPATCHES FROM MOSCOW

AND HERE'S THE KICKER:
MIKE SACKS'S CONVERSATIONS WITH HUMOR WRITERS


SARAH WALKER SHOWS YOU HOW

DISPATCHES FROM AN ENVIRONMENTAL LAWYER
WHO IS TRYING TO GROW A MUSTACHE


DISPATCHES FROM A HANGDOG BANKRUPT

DISPATCHES FROM THE ANACOSTIA

DISPATCHES FROM THE CAPITAL

DISPATCHES FROM INDIA

THE WINNER'S CIRCLE WITH ERIC FEEZELL

BEN GREENMAN'S FAKE CELEBRITY MUSICALS

SEAN MICHAELS LISTENS TO MUSIC IN MONTREAL

SHORT IMAGINED MONOLOGUES

KIDS' LETTERS TO PRESIDENT OBAMA

STAINED TEETH: A COLUMN ABOUT WINE

DISPATCHES FROM THE WINGS AT THE BALLET

YOUR MONEY, YOUR JOB ... YOUR LIFE, WITH ALISON ROSEN

KEVIN DOLGIN TELLS YOU ABOUT PLACES YOU SHOULD GO IN EUROPE

LAWRENCE WESCHLER'S EVERYTHING THAT RISES: A BOOK OF CONVERGENCES

THE CONVERGENCES CONTEST

ABOUT THE CONVALESCENT

ABOUT GOD SAYS NO

ABOUT UNDERGROUND AMERICA

ABOUT THANKS AND HAVE FUN RUNNING THE COUNTRY

LETTERS FROM AN EARTH BALL TO, OR CONCERNING, SEAN HANNITY

DISPATCHES FROM ADJUNCT FACULTY AT A LARGE STATE UNIVERSITY

E-MAILS SENT TO THE UNIVERSITY OF ALABAMA ENGLISH DEPARTMENT
FLAG-FOOTBALL TEAM


ADVICE FROM A PERSON WITH A BACHELOR'S DEGREE IN PSYCHOLOGY

JOHN MOE'S POP-SONG CORRESPONDENCES

INTERVIEWS WITH PEOPLE WHO HAVE INTERESTING OR UNUSUAL JOBS

FLIP: A COLUMN ABOUT SKATEBOARDING

OPEN LETTERS TO PEOPLE OR ENTITIES WHO ARE UNLIKELY TO RESPOND

DISPATCHES FROM A PUBLIC LIBRARIAN

MICHAEL IAN BLACK IS A VERY FAMOUS CELEBRITY

DAN KENNEDY SOLVES YOUR PROBLEMS WITH PAPER

STEPHEN ELLIOTT'S POKER REPORT

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ADDITIONAL MATERIAL