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The One Where
the Cake Ignites.
BY JON STONE
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Phoebe is in Central Perk with Ross.
Ross is writing a poem to Rachel,
unlikely as this may seem. Phoebe
listens to him recite it, then Chandler
walks in on the last few lines: "And Joey
is a noey like Hanukkah with Monica,
so you see, you're left with me." "Monica
and Hanukkah?" says Chandler. "Gee, Ross,
I thought you quit poetry." (Titles.) Joey,
elsewhere, is cooking with Rachel.
They're baking a birthday cake for Chandler.
Joey's idea. They're counting on Phoebe
to keep him stalled. So, naturally, Phoebe
tells Chandler to write a poem for Monica.
"It's Phoebe's poetry workshop!" Chandler
relents, but writes four lines for Ross:
"Oh Ross / So cross / Becoss / Of Rachel."
Monica arrives in the flat to find Joey
and Rachel cooking. She screams. Joey
belts her—she falls unconscious. Phoebe
senses violence, contacts Rachel
psychically. "Something just happened to Monica!"
Chandler's ode has riled Ross.
He demands satisfaction from Chandler,
produces two pistols, whereupon Chandler
makes like a tree, scarpers. Joey
drags Monica into the cupboard. "Ross
and Chandler'll kill you!" says Rachel. Phoebe
goes after Chandler—the fate of Monica
weighs on her heart. She wails as Rachel
wails. The cake is aflame! "God, Rachel!"
Joey throws his arms up. "Chandler
can't eat fire. You're as bad as Monica."
Rachel scowls and pouts at Joey.
Chandler's a stairwell away, with Phoebe
in hot pursuit. Behind her, Ross.
Rachel and Joey fight with whisks.
Chandler and Phoebe burst in. There's a face off.
Ross arrives, firing both pistols. Monica explodes.
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