Timothy McSweeney's Header Image

The deadline for the 2008 Amanda Davis Highwire Fiction Award, a $2,500 grant given to a woman writer of 32 years or younger, is this Thursday, May 15. For more information, click here.

- - - -

Eazy-E in Hell.

BY RICHARD D. ALLEN

- - - -

 Can I get a glass of water up in this motherfucker?
 It's hotter than the asphalt on East Compton
 Boulevard in July up in this bitch. Starting to piss me off. 
 Hey, there goes Big D, me and him used to be homies. 
 He don't look too good. Yo, D, it's Eazy! 
 Oh, now he gotta act like he got an attitude. 

 D, you know I got love for the hood! What's with the attitude? 
 Man, it's hot as a motherfucker up in this motherfucker! 
 Gotta be a hundred and ten degrees, easy! 
 Where the hell am I, anyway? This isn't Compton. 
 You still putting in work with the homies? 
 Me and you used to have the bitches' drawers flying off. 

 What the fuck? Nigga, half your face is falling off! 
 I thought you wasn't talking 'cause you had an attitude! 
 Who did this to you? Some eses? I'll call the homies. 
 Tell me his name, it's 187 on that motherfucker. 
 They should know by now not to fuck with Compton. 
 Just tell me his name, this shit'll be easy—

 you can take Eazy out of the hood but you can't take the hood out of Eazy. 
 Yo, D, your face is fucked up. Don't be wandering off. 
 I guess I gotta remind niggas about real G's from Compton, 
 no thanks to fake-ass Dre and his Hollywood attitude. 
 Oh shit, D, is that the motherfucker
 over there? He's little but he's rolling with his homies. 

 I don't even have a strap, and it's too late to call the homies. 
 There's a whole gang of them. This isn't going to be easy. 
 But I ain't running from this little motherfucker. 
 With his tail and shit. Shit, I'll rip his tail off
 and yoke him up with it. That'll change his attitude. 
 I'm 'bout to show him how we do it on the streets of Compton. 

 Now there's gangs who wear red all over Compton. 
 But this dude is red, and so are all his homies, 
 and his head is on fire, which is bound to give a nigga a fucked-up attitude. 
 But he don't know what he's doing fucking with Eazy. 
 Aw man, now he's ripping my face off. 
 It hurts like a motherfucker. 

 I guess this fool ain't letting Eazy off too easy
 'cause I taught the li'l homies 'bout gats, crack, and Compton. 
 Maybe if I demonstrate a positive attitude ... My curl is on fire! Motherfucker! 

 

MORE SESTINAS

 

- - - -

MAIN PAGE   |   ARCHIVES

 

Memories of Amanda Davis

 


Red dot denotes content that is new today.

Black dot denotes newish content.

McSWEENEY'S STORE

SUBSCRIBE TO:
McSWEENEY'S
THE BELIEVER
WHOLPHIN

FUTURE McSWEENEY'S BOOKS

THE AMANDA DAVIS HIGHWIRE FICTION AWARD

INVITE A McSWEENEY'S AUTHOR TO SPEAK IN YOUR TOWN OR COLLEGE

McSWEENEY'S MONTHLY MAILING LIST

McSWEENEY'S-RELATED EVENTS AND VARIOUS TOUR DATES

ORDER INQUIRIES AND ADDRESS CHANGES

SUBMISSION GUIDELINES:
FOR BOOKS
FOR THE QUARTERLY
FOR THE WEBSITE
FOR WHOLPHIN

McSWEENEY'S INTERNSHIPS

CONTACT US

- - - -

LETTERS TO McSWEENEY'S

LISTS

McSWEENEY'S PREDICTS

McSWEENEY'S RECOMMENDS

NEW WHOLPHIN FILM

DAN LIEBERT, VERBAL CARTOONIST

JOKES BY BRIAN BEATTY

REVIEWS OF NEW FOOD

DISPATCHES FROM MOSCOW

SO YOU WANT TO BE PRESIDENT?

DISPATCHES FROM THE ANACOSTIA

THE WINNER'S CIRCLE WITH ERIC FEEZELL

BEN GREENMAN'S FAKE CELEBRITY MUSICALS

DISPATCHES FROM A HUMANITARIAN JOURNALIST

DISPATCHES FROM IRAQ

SHORT IMAGINED MONOLOGUES

PHILIP GRAHAM SPENDS A YEAR IN LISBON

STAINED TEETH: A COLUMN ABOUT WINE

DISPATCHES FROM THE NAPOLEONIC WARS AT THE MET

KEVIN DOLGIN TELLS YOU ABOUT PLACES YOU SHOULD GO IN EUROPE

LAWRENCE WESCHLER'S EVERYTHING THAT RISES: A BOOK OF CONVERGENCES

THE CONVERGENCES CONTEST

ABOUT WHAT IS THE WHAT

ABOUT BOWL OF CHERRIES

ABOUT COMEDY BY THE NUMBERS

ABOUT JOHN BRANDON'S ARKANSAS

LETTERS FROM AN EARTH BALL TO, OR CONCERNING, SEAN HANNITY

DISPATCHES FROM ADJUNCT FACULTY AT A LARGE STATE UNIVERSITY

ADVICE FROM A PERSON WITH A BACHELOR'S DEGREE IN PSYCHOLOGY

DISPATCHES FROM THE NBA ENTERTAINMENT LEAGUE

JOHN MOE'S POP-SONG CORRESPONDENCES

B.R. COHEN'S ANNALS OF SCIENCE

INTERVIEWS WITH PEOPLE WHO HAVE INTERESTING OR UNUSUAL JOBS

OPEN LETTERS TO PEOPLE OR ENTITIES WHO ARE UNLIKELY TO RESPOND

DISPATCHES FROM A PUBLIC LIBRARIAN

MICHAEL IAN BLACK IS A VERY FAMOUS CELEBRITY

DISPATCHES FROM ROY KESEY, AN AMERICAN GUY MARRIED TO
A PERUVIAN DIPLOMAT LIVING IN CHINA


STEPHEN ELLIOTT'S POKER REPORT

- - - -

ADDITIONAL MATERIAL