AFKM — Away from Keyboard, Masturbating.
BRBM — Be Right Back. Masturbating.
LOLM — Laughing Out Loud, Masturbating.
ROFFM — Rolling On Floor, Furiously Masturbating.
JK/M — Just Kidding/Masturbating.
WTFM — What the Fuck? Masturbate.
MTYL — Masturbate to You Later.
CTC — Can’t Talk. Crying.
As little as $1 a month ($12 a year!) goes a long way towards supporting our editorial staff and contributors while keeping us ad-free. Become a McSweeney’s Internet Tendency patron today.