1. Waiter: “It appears to be the backstroke, sir.”

2. Moses: “No—He IS Jesus Christ, but he THINKS he’s David Gergen!”

3. Quasimodo: “Mrs. Gergen already paid me to ring it every half-hour.”

4. Duck: “Yeah you can help! Get this guy off my ass!”

5. Gergen: “That’s not my finger, either!”