Tap neighbor on left shoulder. When he turns to look, club his wife and drag her to your cave.
Kill mammoth. Crawl into mammoth carcass. When saber-toothed tiger comes to feast, explode from mammoth with spear.
Trek to volcano with bundle of sticks. Plunge sticks into molten rock. Retread your path by night, being careful to keep torch burning. Arrive at dwelling. Claim discovery of fire.
Tell wife you go to hunt. Instead, sneak off and watch sunset.
Trap child in deep recess of cave where he cannot escape. Perform elaborate shadow play on cave walls. Expose him to truth when he is old enough to hunt mammoth.
Kill mammoth. Crawl into mammoth carcass. When neighbor comes to feast, explode from mammoth with cake.