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Articles by
Ilana Gordon
Ilana Gordon is a writer and comic currently living in Los Angeles. Follow her on Twitter. Do not follow her in real life.
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April 15, 2022Hello, It’s Me, Elijah. Who’s the Jerk Who Drank My Cup of Wine?
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March 26, 2021The Four Questions, Modified for Another Passover in Quarantine
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June 22, 2020I’m the Guy Setting Off Fireworks Every Night In Your Neighborhood and I Have You Right Where I Want You
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May 8, 2020Your Mother Leads a Guided Meditation
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October 18, 2019Welcome to the Tenth Circle of Hell: The Dance Circle
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July 11, 2019Federal Sentencing Guidelines for Billionaires
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March 28, 2019Supervillains React to Betsy DeVos’s Proposal to Gut Funding For the Special Olympics
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March 14, 2019I Want a President I Can Drink a Beer With
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January 15, 2019It’s Time to Take Up Arms In the War Against Toxic Masculinity
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November 7, 2018Now That I’ve Finished Burning Down Your Village, It’s Time For Us to Come Together and Heal
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October 31, 2018Thank You For Participating In America’s Annual Voter Purge
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August 10, 2011Mary Poppins: A Job Review
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November 29, 2023Your 2023 WebMD Wrapped
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December 4, 2023The National Lyrics or Things My Dad Says While Refusing to Check Google Maps?
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November 22, 2023Post-Dinner Interview with a Twelve-Year-Old Who Sat at the Grown-Ups’ Table for the First Time on Thanksgiving
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February 23, 2012Lines from The Princess Bride That Double as Comments on Freshman Composition Papers
Recently
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December 8, 2023Saying Yes to Every Add-On at Jiffy Lube
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December 7, 2023Maura Quint’s Presidential Debate Recaps: The One With the Lady Moderators
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December 7, 2023A Letter from McSweeney’s Executive Director
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December 7, 2023Scenes from a Hallmark Hanukkah Movie Written by Someone Who Has Definitely Met a Jew