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Short Imagined Monologues
I’m the Architect of the Death Star, and I Swear They Told Me I Was Designing a Military Resort
“Yes, fine, kaadu egg on my face—I unwittingly designed a planet-destroying, fully armed, and operational battle station.” -
Feelings and Situations for Which There Should Be a German Word Without an English Equivalent
“They should have a German word that describes the feeling you get when you’re speaking English, and you experience something that you’re sure Germans have a very specific word for but for which there is no direct English translation.” -
Lists
Days of the Week,
Redefined for Parents“Saturday is Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday crammed into twenty-four hours. Your responsibilities include wiping butts, driving inexplicably angry people to soccer games and gymnastics events that happen at the same time in different places.” -
University President’s Response to Student Dissent Mad Libs
“This week, the unthinkable occurred on our [REVERENT ADJECTIVE] campus. An [INFLAMMATORY COLLECTIVE NOUN] overtook the historic [CENTRAL CAMPUS LOCATION NAMED AFTER PROBLEMATIC DONOR].” -
We’re Raising Your Auto Insurance Because You Insist on Driving Your Car
“We need to stay competitive with other carriers that are raising rates in order to stay competitive with carriers like us who are raising rates.”
Trending
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April 26, 2024The Millennial CAPTCHA
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December 1, 2023A Message from the Chancellor on the Recent Student Protest
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April 16, 2024An Open Letter to Wyna Liu, the New York Times’ Connections Editor
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April 18, 2024Writer Math
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May 2, 2024University President’s Response to Student Dissent Mad Libs
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April 18, 2024Good News, Husband: I’ve Become a Tradwife
Interviews, Essays, and Excerpts
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May 3, 2024Chronicles of a Catsitter: In the (Brooklyn) Heights
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May 1, 2024How to Do Really Really Well at Show-and-Tell
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April 30, 2024Been There, Smelled That: Professional Ham Sniffing in Spain
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April 25, 2024Sorry Not Sorry: Mike Tyson, Marijuana Morsels, and the Difference Between Justice and Forgiveness
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April 23, 2024Family Tours in the Kingdom of the Sick: Golf Course, Lightning
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April 22, 2024If They’d Told Me We Were Poor, I Would’ve Given This Commencement Speech to Other Poor College Graduates
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April 19, 2024Letters to Moms: A Letter to Alison in Knocked Up
News & Announcements
Over in the Store
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“A key barometer of the literary climate.” —The New York Times
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“This book is a magic trick. The kind of magic trick where you want to know how to do it so you can also write a book this good.”
—Caldecott Medal winner Jon Klassen -
Winner of the John Newbery Medal. "Here is a book that is truly for all ages, as only the best stories are."
—Isaac Fitzgerald, The Today Show (author's pick) -
“Ahmed Naji confronts what happens when one’s fundamentally unserious, oversexed youth dovetails with an authoritarian, utterly self-serious regime.”
—Zadie Smith
Recent Posts
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May 1, 2024Why You Must Listen to the Dune: Part Two Soundtrack at Your Uncle Tim’s Wedding
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April 30, 2024Getting Dinner with Friends Who Don’t Know Each Other: Into the Friendship Multiverse
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April 30, 2024Please Avoid Memorizing These Unhelpful Mnemonic Devices
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April 29, 2024The Seven Stages of AI Grief (for Artists)
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April 29, 2024Cormac McCarthy’s No Country for Young Dogs
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