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A Tribute’s First Day of the Hunger Games or a Teacher’s First Day of School Reopening?
“No one wants to say it out loud, but the public expects you to die for your district.” -
Short Imagined Monologues
The Salad Bar Is Back, Baby!
“This is a movement. We’ve got momentum. Once you wheel us back on the diner floor, this virus doesn’t stand a chance.” -
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Writing Prompts from a Teacher Trying to Get Her Class to Reveal Where They Hid Her Keys
“Write an Agatha Christie-style mystery where a woman leaves a room for five minutes and returns to find the keychain left on her desk is now missing.” -
Alanis Morisette’s “Ironic” Revised for Exasperated Parents
🎶 “It’s like rain on your park playdate
It’s a free kids meal when you’ve already paid
It’s the sleep advice that you just didn’t take
And who would’ve thought, it figures” 🎶 -
Pennywise Responds to Allegations of Improper Conduct
“These sick and twisted lies are being perpetrated by the deep state of Derry, Maine. These corrupt residents want nothing more than to destroy my name so that they can prevent me from terrorizing the town and feasting on their children every 27 years.”
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April 13, 2021An FAQ About Your New Birth Control: The Music of Rush
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April 9, 2021The Five Stages of Grief When Dealing With No Longer Being Able to See the “Scoop, There It Is” Geico Commercial
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April 16, 2021As a Republican, I Believe White Men Are Boys, Boys of Color Are Men, and Underage Girls Are Consenting Adults
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April 9, 2021An Open Letter to My Children Regarding the Commencement of Asynchronous Parenting
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January 25, 2016Alternatives to Resting Bitch Face
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February 19, 2021I’m a Short Afternoon Walk and You’re Putting Way Too Much Pressure on Me
Over at McSweeney's Publishing
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April 6, 2021
“Thank You for Coming”: A Remembrance of the Gratitude and the Gorgeousness of Public Readings -
March 25, 2021
McSweeney’s Books: An Interview with Wesley Brown, Author of Tragic Magic -
February 23, 2021
In Remembrance of Lawrence Ferlinghetti -
February 9, 2021
McSweeney’s Books: An Interview with Courtney Zoffness, Author of Spilt Milk -
January 26, 2021
Excerpts from McSweeney’s Quarterly: The Introduction to McSweeney’s 62: The Queer Fiction Issue -
January 20, 2021
Lest We Forget the Horrors: A Catalog of Trump’s Worst Cruelties, Collusions, Corruptions, and Crimes: The Complete Listing: Atrocities 1 – 1,056 -
January 15, 2021
Short Conversations With Poets: Henri Cole
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Recent Posts
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April 19, 2021Alternative Teaching Modalities in Hell
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April 19, 2021America First Policy Institute Tries to Explain “Anglo-Saxon Tradition”
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April 16, 2021As a Republican, I Believe White Men Are Boys, Boys of Color Are Men, and Underage Girls Are Consenting Adults
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April 16, 2021My Two-Year-Old’s Guide to Potty Training Your Parents
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April 16, 2021Classic Plays as Spam Emails
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