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We Must Take a Bipartisan Approach to Stopping This Armed, Violent Rebellion Us Republicans Have Perpetuated For Years
“Now more than ever, it is the Democrats’ responsibility to help quell the armed uprising that many of my colleagues and I have kept our white supremacist, conspiracy-loving supporters fantasizing about for years.” -
Short Imagined Monologues
I’m the 25th Amendment, and I’ve Been Waiting for This Moment My Entire Life
“The word ‘surreal’ has lost all meaning. But I’ve never felt more alive!” -
Domestic Terrorists Stormed the Capitol and Our Republic Is in Tatters, But It Was All Worth It Because We Got the Judges
“A confederate flag was flown in the Senate on the day that Georgia’s first Black senator was elected, but our judges will erode Black voting rights for decades to come, so that’s a win-win for us Trump Republicans!” -
If War Correspondents Reported on the MAGA Riots in the Same Way They Reported on Coup Attempts in Other Countries“Yesterday, an attempted coup d’état was thwarted in Washington D.C. — the capital of the globe’s largest military power. Once considered the shining beacon of free and fair elections, the United States’ veneer as the world’s greatest democracy has long lost its shine.”
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Short Imagined Monologues
“You Fuckers Really Screwed This Up”: A Message from James Madison on the 2020 Electoral Count
“Sweet Judy blue eyes, Americans! You, the Devil, and Ted Cruz found an entirely new way to shit the bed.”
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December 22, 2020An Open Letter to the Woman in Smith’s Food and Drug Who Was Enraged That Land O’Lakes Removed the Native American Logo from Its Butter Tub
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December 21, 2020Things I Didn’t Have on My 2020 Bingo Card Bingo
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December 27, 2020As a 28-Year-Old Latino, I’m Shocked My New Novel, Memoirs of a Middle-Aged White Lady, Has Been So Poorly Received
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December 18, 2020Are You Baking Cookies with Children or Starring in a Gritty Crime Procedural?
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December 26, 2020Jokes I’ve Told That My Male Colleagues Didn’t Like
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December 29, 2020Self-Care Tips for Toddlers
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January 5, 2021Lest We Forget the Horrors: A Catalog of Trump’s Worst Cruelties, Collusions, Corruptions, and Crimes: The Complete Listing (So Far): Atrocities 1-1,043
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December 7, 2020
Wanted: Restaurant Savior, No Experience Necessary -
December 3, 2020
1918 Flu Pandemic -
November 30, 2020
McSweeney’s Books: An Interview with Jehad al-Saftawi About His New Book, My Gaza: A City in Photographs -
November 24, 2020
Shop Locally This Holiday Season. Please Don’t Give More Money to Amazon -
November 19, 2020
Short Conversations With Poets: Vijay Seshadri -
November 17, 2020
Short Conversations With Poets: Valzhyna Mort
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January 6, 2021Bridgerton’s Lady Whistledown Is Pleased to Announce She Is Joining Substack
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January 5, 2021Hi Teachers, It’s Me, the Google Classroom Private Comment Function, and I’m Here to Save the Day
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January 5, 2021Developmental Milestones for New Mothers
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January 5, 2021Welcome Our New Head of HR, The Incinerator 850
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January 4, 2021Please, Sir, I Want 11,780 More Votes
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