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The Only Thing Standing Between This Country and Pure, Unadulterated Disaster is Your $7 Campaign Donation
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The Hallmark Channel’s Countdown to the Election
“Can a logical gal from the big city save her hunky high school crush from a bunch of conspiracy theories in time to swing the vote in a small Montana town? No, but it might still be a swingin’ time if they can just get that local microbrewery pumping again!” -
The Fourth Little Piggie: An Exposé On a Life In the Shadow
“A brick house is fine. Really, if it’s the 1920s and the devil himself isn’t chasing you, a brick house is fine.” She takes a long drink and an odd sadness fills her eyes. “But, and this is what I tried to tell my brothers, he will never stop trying to get inside.” -
Short Imagined Monologues
I Am the Undecided Voter
“I am equally concerned and unconcerned, with every possible facet of the U.S. economy. What helps one neighbor destroys another. There is no net good or net bad. There is only cold, obdurate neutrality.” -
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Nine Scenes From the Recently Discovered Cut of Flubber Where Flubber Has Bones
“I shall call it ‘Flubber’!” exclaims Professor Brainard. Philip’s flying robot, Weebo, looks concerned. “I think he has bones, and they break whenever he changes shape.” Brainard shakes his head. “No. Flubber is fine.”
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October 19, 2020
Lest We Forget the Horrors: A Catalog of Trump’s Worst Cruelties, Collusions, Corruptions, and Crimes: The Complete Listing (So Far): Atrocities 1- 940 -
October 9, 2009It’s Decorative Gourd Season, Motherfuckers
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October 9, 2020The 52 Stages of Insomnia
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January 18, 2019FAQ: The Status of the Shits Women Have Left to Give
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May 18, 2020I Was In Charge of the Deck Chairs On the Titanic, and They Absolutely Did Need Rearranging
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October 13, 2020I’m a Principled Republican Senator and I’m Suddenly Troubled By the Current State of Politics
Over at McSweeney's Publishing
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October 19, 2020Lest We Forget the Horrors: A Catalog of Trump’s Worst Cruelties, Collusions, Corruptions, and Crimes: The Complete Listing (So Far): Atrocities 1- 940
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October 19, 2020
For the Voter Who Is Raising Children -
October 16, 2020
For the Voter Who Is Disheartened That Bernie Is Not Our Presidential Nominee -
October 15, 2020
For the Voter Who Cares About the Arts -
October 14, 2020
For the Voter Who Has Voices In Her Head -
October 13, 2020
For the Voter Who Looks for Bipartisanship -
October 12, 2020
For the Voter Who Cares About Corruption
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Recent Posts
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October 16, 2020The Crucible II: A Quarantine Pod Is Rattled By Accusations and Deception
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October 15, 2020I Am the Mayor from Jaws, and I Am Begging You to Stop Comparing Me to Donald Trump
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October 15, 2020An Open Letter to Green Ginger, the Asian Fusion Restaurant Across the Street From Me
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October 15, 2020Proper Leaf-Peeping Protocol for 2020
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October 14, 2020A Letter of Recommendation In the Age of Zoom
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