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Short Imagined Monologues
The Narrator of “Jessie’s Girl” Offers an Apology after Completing His Master’s in Women’s and Gender Studies
“I want to begin by owning my white male privilege and apologizing to the American public, in particular to the woman who formerly dated my friend Jessie. I’m sorry that I still don’t know your name.” -
How to Talk to Your Child about the Second Blippi
“Your child will experience many emotions while they process the introduction of a new Blippi into their life. It’s healthy for them to wonder about the series of events and auditions that brought this new person into their lives.” -
Cormac McCarthy’s The Mall
“The mall had once been a bustling outpost of humanity. Now as the man led the boy over the threshold, he perceived how the crowds thinned and order gave way to the entropic pull of the wild.” -
Short Imagined Monologues
Peaches the Instagram Dachshund Wants a Cut
“That’s right, I know all about the Chewy.com partner posts and the 365 Days of Peaches calendar. Over 120,000 followers, huh? Looks like you got about twenty grand coming in per year, without paying a dime for labor.” -
How to Become a Professional Writer
“A writing career is not a sprint. It is also not a marathon. A writing career is one of those wilderness survival challenges where they dump you in the woods without a map or a compass or food and whoever finds their way out wins.”
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January 24, 2023Macroeconomic Changes Have Made It Impossible for Me to Want to Pay You
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May 13, 2022Ten Possibilities the Applebee’s Waitress Considers Before It Occurs to Her the Women in Booth Fourteen Might Be a Couple with Two Children
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January 10, 2023Fifteen Long-Overdue Slang Terms for Female Masturbation
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January 19, 2023Oh God, Someone Gave Me Whiskey Stones
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October 30, 2009Letters From the Hellbox: Caslon, Baskerville, and Franklin: Revolutionary Types
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January 23, 2023What Colleges’ Emails Read Like to High School Seniors
Over at McSweeney's Publishing
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January 26, 2023Remembering Paul La Farge
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January 18, 2023Short Conversations with Poets: A. E. Stallings
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January 10, 2023Short Conversations with Poets: Yona Harvey
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January 2, 2023McSweeney’s Books: An Interview with Jason Roeder About Griefstrike!, His New McSweeney’s Humor Book About Grief
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December 20, 2022Announcing the Stephen Dixon Award for Short Fiction
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December 16, 2022A Note about the American Teacher Act
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December 14, 2022Short Conversations with Poets: Peter Cole
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January 25, 2023Food from The Great British Bake Off or Song by The Cure?
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January 24, 2023Macroeconomic Changes Have Made It Impossible for Me to Want to Pay You
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January 23, 2023What Colleges’ Emails Read Like to High School Seniors
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January 23, 2023Instructions for Patients: Vasectomy v. Giving Birth
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