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The Items You Own That Don’t Contain Microplastics
“The multicolored wool throw blanket your grandma crocheted in 1982 before she switched to polyester yarns.” -
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This Is How You Normalize Performing a Fascist Gesture
“Have your trusted media pundits ask how anyone could even for a moment think the rich man would do this intentionally, knowing as he does full well the long and tragic history of the gesture. ‘Did you know the rich man visited Auschwitz last year? He can’t be a fascist!’” -
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After Studying Existentialism for a Semester, We Have Jokes
Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
No one. Never. You’re alone in life. No one cares about you. -
Why Are People Leaving This City We’ve Made Impossible to Live In?
“We’re stunned we’re losing thousands and thousands of residents who say they can’t build a life here. We don’t understand why they’re leaving, even after we’ve spent all our time in office making this city absolutely inhospitable to working people.” -
I Am a Disappointed Trump Voter Who Was Told It Would Be the Past by Now
“Well, they say you should never trust a politician, and it seems I’ve been duped.”
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January 15, 2025A Marriage Proposal Spoken Entirely in Office Jargon
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January 8, 2025Did You Even Consider Every Possible Lived Experience Before Recklessly Posting Your Chili Recipe on Social Media?
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January 15, 2025Signs You Are a Gen-Xer Who’s About to Turn Sixty
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January 9, 2025I Will Pay Any Amount to Not Pay My Taxes
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January 10, 2025Massachusetts Road Signs
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January 17, 2025Who Said It: Donald Trump or Martin Luther King Jr.?
Interviews, Essays, and Excerpts
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January 17, 2025Excerpts from The Believer: An Interview with Annie Leibovitz
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January 7, 2025Short Conversations with Poets: Carol Moldaw
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December 13, 2024Excerpts from The Believer: Ancient to the Future
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December 11, 2024Letters to Moms: A Letter to Kevin McCallister’s Mom
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December 6, 2024Excerpts from The Believer: An Interview with Musician Jack Stratton
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December 4, 2024Announcing the International Library of Youth Writing
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November 29, 2024Excerpts from The Believer: Resurrector: Signs
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“A key barometer of the literary climate.” —The New York Times
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A collection of riotously entertaining columns, written for The Believer magazine during its years in the desert.
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Recent Posts
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January 20, 2025Welcome Home, President Nyarlathotep
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January 17, 2025Who Said It: Donald Trump or Martin Luther King Jr.?
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January 17, 2025It’s About Time Our Government Finally Reflects the Real America—An Airport Terminal at 10 a.m. on a Weekday
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January 16, 2025A Pre-Game Pep Talk by a College Football Coach Who Recently Audited a Class on Nietzschean Thought
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January 16, 2025The Biggest Problem Threatening Our Country Is an App That Brings People Together
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