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McSweeney’s Quarterly is a finalist for the 2020 National Magazine Award for Fiction!
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Famous Quotes From Philosophers If They Had Spent $9 for a Bottle of Juice
“The only thing I know is that I know nothing. And that’s why it’s okay that I didn’t check the price on this juice before sliding it across the counter, and then felt too paralyzed from embarrassment to say that I didn’t want it when I found out it was $9.” — Socrates -
I Hate Trump’s Awful Policies, But I Love That He’s a Huge Asshole
“At the end of the day, no matter your political persuasion, you just want a president who has the two main ingredients of a great leader: being a petty twat with no real friends.” -
Aww, Our Newborn Baby Is So Beautiful… Right?
“I definitely don’t find anything off-putting about her conic head. It’s perfect.” -
Lists
Jokes I’ve Told That My Male Colleagues Didn’t Like
“What’s short, sloppy, and full of periods? Men’s emails.” -
Strap In, Folks, Because a Jazz Band Is Setting Up In This Coffee Shop
“Whether you’re here trying to work on your novel, or are on an awkward first date, or if you just wanted to escape the chattering noise of your apartment that you share with five strangers from the internet, get ready to have your night ruined in the name of JAZZ.”
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February 19, 2020Self-Care Tips for Toddlers
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February 21, 2020Jokes I’ve Told That My Male Colleagues Didn’t Like
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February 12, 2020Who Said It: Mike Bloomberg or Lucille Bluth?
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February 12, 2016The Pagan Origins of Valentine’s Day
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November 20, 2019I Am a Trader Joe’s Parking Lot and I Am Here to Destroy You
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January 24, 2020Why I Decided Not to Have an OBGYN and Let Wendy From Work Handle My Prenatal Care Instead
Over at McSweeney's Publishing
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February 10, 2020
Excerpts from McSweeney’s Quarterly: The Woman In the Closet -
February 10, 2020
Excerpts from McSweeney’s Quarterly: Ghost Lover -
January 7, 2020McSweeney’s Announces New Reproductive Freedom Anthology Edited by Shelly Oria
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November 19, 2019
McSweeney’s Books: An Interview With Three Contributors to the New Book Unnecessarily Beautiful Spaces for Young Minds On Fire -
November 12, 2019
A Letter From Our Executive Director -
November 8, 2019
McSweeney’s Books: “We Should Have Closed Up Shop Back In ’09 After We Helped Cure Bird Flu”: The Editors’ Note From Keep Scrolling Till You Feel Something -
November 7, 2019
Excerpts from McSweeney’s Quarterly: Shouting Wenkie
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All subscriptions placed before March 1st will begin with Black Imagination After years of of popular demand from the clamoring masses, we are at last revamping and relaunching our McSweeney's... -
McSweeney's is ecstatic to announce that we've been nominated for the 2020 National Magazine Award for fiction. In celebration of this incredible news, we've put together a special bundle just for... -
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Recent Posts
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February 20, 2020Maura Quint’s Presidential Debate Recaps: The One With Mike Bloomberg
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February 20, 2020A Children’s Librarian Blurbs Adult Literary and Commercial Fiction
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February 20, 2020Abbott and Costello’s “Who’s Running In the Democratic Primary?”
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February 19, 2020Self-Care Tips for Toddlers
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February 19, 2020Animals Got Problems: Seize the Day… Tomorrow
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