ILLUSTORIA MAGAZINE
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Gandalf Must Step Aside and Let a Younger Hero Save Us from Sauron Lest We Lose this Middle-earth
“We are grateful, Gandalf, for all that you have done for Middle-earth over the ages… We simply must find a younger savior if we are to keep Sauron at bay.” -
Maura Quint’s Presidential Debate Recaps
The One That Might Have Finally Snuffed Out Our Democracy
Moving to foreign policy, Bash asks Biden his thoughts on Israel. Seemingly regaining his voice, Biden answers, “Thank you for having me here. I’m looking forward to a good discussion tonight. When do we start?” -
Mantras for the Eight-Year-Old Boy Who Is About to Walk into Target
“Today is a precious gift. Even if I do not walk out of this Target with a single, solitary Minecraft-themed item.” -
Lists
Pavement Lyrics or Trump Cognitive Glitch?
“She speaks in rhyme, the way she talks, the bus will go here, and then the bus will go there because that’s what buses do.” -
Calm Down—Your Phone Isn’t Listening to Your Conversations. It’s Just Tracking Everything You Type, Every App You Use, Every Website You Visit, and Everywhere You Go in the Physical World
“The truth is simpler, and not at all alarming: your phone only seems to be listening to you because it’s collecting data about every word you type, every website you visit, and, through GPS tracking, everywhere you go in the physical world.”
Trending
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June 10, 2024You’ve Read Your Last Free Article, Such Is the Nature of Mortality
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June 26, 2024The 2024 Presidential Debate Drinking Game
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June 18, 2024We Love the Character of this Neighborhood So We Bought a House, Tore It Down, and Built a Mansion Resembling a La Quinta Inn
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June 25, 2024ChatGPT Now Has PhD-Level Intelligence, and the Poor Personal Choices to Prove It
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June 26, 2024Calm Down—Your Phone Isn’t Listening to Your Conversations. It’s Just Tracking Everything You Type, Every App You Use, Every Website You Visit, and Everywhere You Go in the Physical World
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June 14, 2024Trolley Problem Variations for Dads
Interviews, Essays, and Excerpts
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June 27, 2024Sorry Not Sorry: Why Boeing Being Serially Sorry Doesn’t Fly
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June 25, 2024Reviews of New Food: Unnamed Test Variety Apples
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June 21, 2024Excerpts from The Believer: Take the W: Collier
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June 20, 2024If They’d Told Me We Were Poor, I Would’ve Tried Being Funny
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June 17, 2024How to Respectfully Decline an Invitation to a Social Obligation You Simply Do Not Feel Like Attending
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June 14, 2024Excerpts from The Believer: Take the W: Bodies
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June 12, 2024Been There, Smelled That: The Bad Scents
News & Announcements
Over in the Store
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“A key barometer of the literary climate.” —The New York Times -
Winner of the John Newbery Medal. "Here is a book that is truly for all ages, as only the best stories are."
—Isaac Fitzgerald, The Today Show (author's pick) -
To order this book along side the first five additional installments of Dave Eggers's The Forgetters, click here. Lionel Gregorian is a beat reporter covering the San Francisco Giants—an... -
“This is the kind of magazine you keep on your bookshelves with your favorite books.”
— Cece Bell, author of El Deafo
Recent Posts
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June 26, 2024The 2024 Presidential Debate Drinking Game
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June 25, 2024Way to Go, You Just Blew Up Our Death Star, the Largest Walkable Community in the Galaxy
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June 25, 2024ChatGPT Now Has PhD-Level Intelligence, and the Poor Personal Choices to Prove It
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June 24, 2024Introducing Our New Whole-Body Deodorant Because You Are Gross and Disgusting
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June 24, 2024My Recent Interview to Simply Rent a Small House in Los Angeles for Six Months
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