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Actually, Sandworm Attacks Have Only a One Percent Death Rate
“It’s just a thirteen-hundred-foot-long worm that lives under the desert of Arrakis that will sneak up on you and eat you alive if you walk outside on the sand, especially if you’re with a big group—in other words, it’s exactly like the common flu!” -
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Halloween Costume Ideas for New Parents
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It’s Time We Get Back to the Traditional Family Values of Absentee Fathers
“Liberals are trying to tell you how to bond with your son. What madness will they demand next? Fathers bonding with their daughters too? Isn’t it enough for dads to keep their daughters at a distance, giving them lifelong intimacy issues with men?” -
Due to Current Travel Mandates We’ve Decided to Make COVID-19 Testing at Our Airport a Complete Nightmare
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It Would Be Un-American to Support Legislation That Doesn’t Directly Benefit Me
“What’s more American than using the most powerful legislative body in the country to preserve your self-interests? Kyrsten gets it. It’s why we’re best friends even though she doesn’t answer my texts and hasn’t invited me to Europe yet.”
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October 8, 2021A Typical Friday in Oregon, as Imagined by My East Coast Friends
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September 2, 2021Oh My Fucking God, Get the Fucking Vaccine Already, You Fucking Fucks
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September 22, 2021It’s Decorative Gourd Season, Motherfuckers
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September 30, 2021This Is Your Kid’s School and Even Though the Emergency Contact Form Lists Your Husband, We Need You, the Mom
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October 14, 2021Academic Job Market or Squid Game?
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October 7, 2021A Pseudo-Intellectual Comment Generator for Men
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October 21, 2021An Interview with Farah Ali About Her New Book, People Want to Live
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September 20, 2021Dear McSweeney’s Crossword Puzzle
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September 20, 2021McSweeney’s Books: An Interview with Shelly Oria, Editor of Indelible in the Hippocampus: Writings from the Me Too Movement
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September 16, 2021Short Conversations with Poets: Eleanor Wilner
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September 14, 2021Excerpts from McSweeney’s Quarterly: Delandria
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September 14, 2021Excerpts from McSweeney’s Quarterly: Becoming the Baby Girl
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September 14, 2021Short Conversations with Poets: Sandra Lim
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Recent Posts
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October 20, 2021Your Essay Shows Promise But Suffers from Demonic Possession
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October 19, 2021A Morally Injured Healthcare Worker’s Recommendations for Updating Your Advanced Medical Directives During the COVID-19 Pandemic
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October 19, 2021Tragedians in Cars Getting Coffee
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October 18, 2021The University Will Be Answering Questions About Its New Budget Plan Only with Direct Quotations from Gertrude Stein’s Tender Buttons
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October 18, 2021My Existentialist Life Hacks
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