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“Bust a Move”: The Faculty Mix
🎶 “This here’s a tale for all the teachers
Gradin’ those papers in the empty bleachers
Try to turn Zoom bugs into features
Lookin’ for the choir but just findin’ preachers” 🎶 -
Lists
Who Said It: Dana Scully from The X-Files, or Me Talking to My Aunt Sharon, the Anti-Vaxxer?
“The truth is out there, but so are the lies.” -
Short Imagined Monologues
The Cute Dog in This Gritty Drama Knows It’s Toast
“Did I mention I’m a rescue? Too bad I can’t be rescued from this plot. That’s an example of comic relief, and that’s my final job here. This is an intense film, what with all the stabbing and drug abuse, so I’m here to lighten things up. (Until I die horribly, of course.)” -
Track Your Ovulation Cycle Naturally, by Watching Outlander
“By taking note of your shifting physiological response to Outlander’s Jamie Fraser, you’ll be pinpointing your fertile days in no time.” -
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Vaccine Side Effect, or Have You Just Been Alive for 40 Years?
Does your arm hurt?
A) Yup, right where I got the shot.
B) Yup. Both arms, actually. A few days ago, I lifted something that weighed more than two pounds.
Trending
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April 13, 2021An FAQ About Your New Birth Control: The Music of Rush
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April 16, 2021As a Republican, I Believe White Men Are Boys, Boys of Color Are Men, and Underage Girls Are Consenting Adults
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April 19, 2021Alternative Teaching Modalities in Hell
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January 25, 2016Alternatives to Resting Bitch Face
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February 19, 2021I’m a Short Afternoon Walk and You’re Putting Way Too Much Pressure on Me
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April 21, 2021House Hunting in 2021 Bingo
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April 21, 2021
An Interview with Nikita Lalwani, Author of You People -
April 6, 2021
“Thank You for Coming”: A Remembrance of the Gratitude and the Gorgeousness of Public Readings -
March 25, 2021
McSweeney’s Books: An Interview with Wesley Brown, Author of Tragic Magic -
February 23, 2021
In Remembrance of Lawrence Ferlinghetti -
February 9, 2021
McSweeney’s Books: An Interview with Courtney Zoffness, Author of Spilt Milk -
January 26, 2021
Excerpts from McSweeney’s Quarterly: The Introduction to McSweeney’s 62: The Queer Fiction Issue -
January 20, 2021
Lest We Forget the Horrors: A Catalog of Trump’s Worst Cruelties, Collusions, Corruptions, and Crimes: The Complete Listing: Atrocities 1 – 1,056
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April 26, 2021I’m a Full-Blown Argument, and I Will Be Attending Your Family Dinner
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April 23, 2021AITA For Not Wanting to Be Seen with My Donkey-Headed Boyfriend?
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April 23, 2021Shakespeare Finds Out About the “Shakespeare Authorship Question” from Walter Mondale
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April 22, 2021Our Company Is Committed to Going 100% Carbon-Free By the Year 3000
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April 22, 2021I Will Gladly Explain Why I Hate The Very Hungry Caterpillar, Just As Soon As I Finish Reading All 22 Pages
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