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Massachusetts
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Your Thirties Are the Best Years of Your Life, Unfortunately
“Your thirties are the least worst years of your life. Sure, you finally have some financial independence, just not the type where you can do things like travel out of state or fix your Camry’s leaky radiator. (Also, you still drive a Camry.)” -
I Will Pay Any Amount to Not Pay My Taxes
“Seriously, I don’t care how much it costs. Take every dime I have. But know this: I would level my house to the ground before I paid slightly higher property taxes to fund infrastructure that would prevent a landslide from leveling my house to the ground.” -
Time to Grab the Dusty Old Expired Bottle of Hydrogen Peroxide to Clean This Wound
“The fizzing and pain means it’s working. You have to let it froth for a few seconds to ensure there’s not an ounce of living matter left in that flesh, even the good stuff. Then you do it again.” -
FAQ About Being Ghosted After Your Final Interview
Q: How long will it take to hear back?
A: It will take some time. (If you’re successful.)
Q: And what if I’m unsuccessful?
A: You will know if you’re unsuccessful.
Q: How?
A: You won’t be working here.
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Presenting one of the very finest works in the history of the human language, painstakingly and loving presented in an edition the likes of which could only come from McSweeney's publishing.
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To order this title for just five dollars when you subscribe to The Believer, click here. A collection of riotously entertaining columns, written for The Believer magazine during its years in...
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—Pendleton Ward, Emmy-award winning creator of Adventure Time
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