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Are You Decorating for the Holidays with Children, or Playing the Lead in a Heist Movie?
“After last year’s big job, you swore you were done. You were hanging it all up and storing that stuff in a closet. Yet here you are, nursing a headache, listening to a young upstart telling you how this new job could pay off with something that really sparkles.” -
I Miss the Good Old Days When No One’s Clocks Were Synced
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How to Hate a Jew Like a Jew
“High-profile conspiracy-mongering and acts of violence against Jews have made it incredibly tricky to hate any Jew at all, which simply isn’t fair to people who are skeeved out by Woody Allen or who were swindled out of their life savings by Bernie Madoff.” -
I’m Quitting My Job as a Medieval Serf to Pursue My Passion
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Here’s My Feedback on Your Writing. Thank You for Trusting Me with Your Work
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November 10, 2022A Parent’s Typical Day, as Envisioned by My Child’s Preschool
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December 1, 2022How to Hate a Jew Like a Jew
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November 15, 2022I’m Wearing Tunics Now
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May 28, 2019Incredible Rooms I Would Have in My Mansion if I Were Rich!
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November 17, 2022I’m a Middle School Boy, and I Refuse to Wear Anything but Basketball Shorts in the Winter
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September 22, 2022It’s Decorative Gourd Season, Motherfuckers
Over at McSweeney's Publishing
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November 23, 2022A Letter to McSweeney’s Readers
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November 22, 2022Short Conversations with Poets: Rowan Ricardo Phillips
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November 17, 2022McSweeney’s Books: An Interview with Jason Roeder About Griefstrike!, His New McSweeney’s Humor Book About Grief
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November 16, 2022Short Conversations with Poets: Sandeep Parmar
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November 10, 2022Short Conversations with Poets: Jenny Xie
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November 1, 2022An Excerpt From Emerson Whitney’s Heaven
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October 28, 2022Short Conversations with Poets: Camille Dungy
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November 30, 2022As the Oldest Person in this American Eagle Store, What’s My Duty in the Event of an Active Shooter?
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November 29, 2022T. S. Eliot’s “The Waste Land” as Occupy Democrats Tweets
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November 29, 2022Child Interrupts Sing-Along to Examine Whether He Is “Happy” and He “Knows It”
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November 28, 2022Rainer Maria Rilke’s Letters to a Young MC
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November 28, 2022Goodbye to All That: A Writer on Leaving Twitter
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