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Ominous Indoctrination Assessment Rubric
"After a long debate over the existence of the word “ominousness,” we opted for the hybrid compromise 'ominousness(ity)' and propose the following rubric to measure how ominously we are indoctrinating our students..." -
Adam and Eve Learn
of Their NakednessADAM: Right now, I don’t feel like I was created in His image. I feel like I was created in the image of an ugly person; EVE: This is so demoralizing. Being naked in a garden is the only thing people will remember us for. -
Open Letters to People or Entities Who Are Unlikely to Respond
An Open Letter to
the Kars 4 Kids"Are there adults around that approved of this begging for cars? They should know better. If a bunch of adults that need cars put you up to this, please write back and I will inform the authorities." -
Lists
The Saddest Places I’ve Drank While Visiting Home in the Suburbs
"Whole Foods: After three glasses of Pinot, it was like staring into my own future." -
Short Imagined Monologues
I’m Wes Anderson, and I’m Directing This FBI Investigation Into Russia and the Trump Campaign
"I have many qualifications for this position. I have extensive experience with a number of large endeavors, mementos from which are kept in this box I brought with me labeled LARGE ENDEAVORS."
Trending
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March 27, 2017My Fully Optimized Life Allows Me Ample Time to Optimize Yours
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February 15, 2017
Parents’ Manhattan Kindergarten Application Essay -
March 21, 2017I Don’t Need Democracy Because I Have Hygge
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March 28, 2017Monologue: I’m Wes Anderson, and I’m Directing This FBI Investigation Into Russia and the Trump Campaign
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March 23, 2017White Friend Confessional
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March 21, 2017Every Sean Spicer Press Briefing
News & Announcements
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Listen to the latest from our friends at the Organist!
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Check out this playlist of Internet Tendency contributors’ podcasts via Radio Public
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BACK ON SALE (and on Paul Auster’s bookshelf): English As She Is Spoke
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Read an enlightening conversation between McSweeney’s author Lucy Corin and adult-film star Kayden Kross.
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Subscribe to the Quarterly now and receive Issue 49 as your first! Pre-orders for 49 will arrive by early May. Issue 49 is our Cover Stories issue, featuring some of today’s best writers... -
Named one of The Boston Globe, NPR's, and Electric Literature's Best Books of 2015! One of The New Yorker's "Books I Loved in 2015"! Get this book and two others for a discount with the Rainy... -
As the rain imprisons you in your apartment/house/lean-to during these rainy months, be sure to have something good on hand for when the electricity cuts and your TV goes black. These three... -
McSweeney’s is on the road: The Road to 50—our very own midcentury mark is now just one subscription’s worth of issues away. We squeegeed the windows, topped off the tank, our bellies are full of... -
A Spring 2017 B&N Discover Great New Writers Selection One of Buzzfeed, Vulture, Nylon, and LitHub's most anticipated books of 2017. Helen Moran is thirty-two years old, single, childless,... -
New from Dave Eggers: an inventive, cinematic story of one ordinary man's dreams of flight. -
Twenty songs existing only as individual pieces of sheet music, never before released or recorded. -
Pre-orders will ship in April. The Abridged History of Rainfall is a finalist for the National Book Award. Jay Hopler's second collection, a mourning song for his father, is an elegy of uproar,...
