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Our Latest Post
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How Oizys, Greek Goddess of Misery, Spends Her Sundays
“I’m typically out of bed early because a swarm of bats attacks my face before sunrise. I try to make my bed, but it is written in the virgin blood of Hestia that the fitted sheet will never stay on.” -
My Prediction That Political Attacks Against Me Will Escalate Has Nothing to Do With Me Exposing Myself to a Flight Attendant
“Does this flight attendant even exist? Is the $250,000 I paid her to keep silent even real? What is money? Is it cryptocurrency? Did the crypto crash cost me billions of dollars in losses? We may never know.” -
Woodmont Week
Diseases All Woodmont Alumni from 1971 to 2021 Should Immediately Be Screened For
“We’re proud that our campus has such a unique affliction and want any alumni who test positive to know that they and their rapidly liquefying organs are part of a lineage that reaches all the way back to the origin of their alma mater.” -
Babies Need to Pull Themselves Up by Their Tiny Bootstraps
“Millions of Americans are struggling, but instead of whining and begging to be fed, they go out and get a job. But babies? Never. They scream until the government is forced to bail them out.” -
Short Imagined Monologues
This Town Ain’t Big Enough for the Two of Us, Partner—So I’ll Just Leave Then. Enjoy the Town!
“You really think that you got the cajones to take me down? Well, I’m here to say, yep, you probably could take me out easily. No foolin’, if you’re sticking around, then I am so outta here. Have fun!”
Trending
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May 13, 2022Ten Possibilities the Applebee’s Waitress Considers Before It Occurs to Her the Women in Booth Fourteen Might Be a Couple with Two Children
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November 13, 2018If People Talked to Other Professionals the Way They Talk to Teachers
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May 18, 2022A Passenger’s One-Star Review of the Trolley Ride from the Trolley Problem
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May 2, 2022Welcome to the Middle-Aged Restaurant. Please Stop Complaining
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May 13, 2022A Modest Proposal for Solving the Baby Formula Shortage
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May 6, 2021I’m the Judge Who Approved the Custody Arrangement in The Parent Trap, But in My Defense, I Didn’t Think They Would Go to the Same Camp
Over at McSweeney's Publishing
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May 19, 2022I Know What’s Best For You All Over the World: Guilt Lessons and Other Poems
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May 17, 2022I Know What’s Best For You All Over the World: Buqjah
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May 16, 2022The Believer Is Coming Home
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May 11, 2022Share Your Experiences about the Rapid City, South Dakota, Book Ban
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May 10, 2022I Know What’s Best For You All Over the World: A Small, Embarrassing Triumph
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May 6, 2022Short Conversations with Poets: Robert Pinsky
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May 5, 2022Our Response to Rapid City, South Dakota’s Plans to Destroy a Slew of Recent Novels and Memoirs
Over in the Store
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“A key barometer of the literary climate.”
—The New York Times -
In their own unique and unforgettable way, each storyteller examines our crisis of access to care in ways that are at turns haunting, heartbreaking, and outright funny. -
After a half decade away, the award-winning The Believer is coming back to McSweeney's beginning in November 2022. -
Our first-ever McSweeney’s Internet Tendency e-book exclusive: Welcome to Woodmont College, out today from the minds of Mike Sacks and Jason Roeder.
Recent Posts
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May 19, 2022Dorm Room Checklist for New Woodmont Students
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May 19, 2022I Regret to Inform You That I Can Get Pregnant with My Legs Closed
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May 18, 2022A Passenger’s One-Star Review of the Trolley Ride from the Trolley Problem
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May 18, 2022Excerpts from Successful Admissions Essays for Woodmont College
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May 17, 2022The Great Lakes Gatsby
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