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Fourteen Short Obituaries for the Modern Woman
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Introducing Manlight: The Nightlight for Men Who Aren’t Afraid of the Dark
“It’s the only nightlight for REAL men who go to the RODEO, STAB THINGS, and are DEFINITELY NOT afraid of the dark.” -
Our Faculty Success Initiative Redefines Everything You Thought You Knew About “Faculty” and “Success”
“46 percent of you are not actively looking for work, 30 percent of you feel confident your academic unit will survive the upcoming budget cuts, and 24 percent of you report feeling only slightly panicked most of the day. That means an impressive 100 percent of you are happy.” -
Adam and Eve Decide Who Should Be in Charge of Childbirth
“Adam puffed his chest out and answered in a tone of cocky confidence that will eventually come naturally to all average white men, ‘Obviously, I’ll do it. I mean, look at me. I’m amazing.’” -
The Founders Would Like to Remind You They’ve Been Dead for Nearly Two Hundred Years
“When we were doing our thing, we were pretty much making it up as we went along. We were trying to build something resembling a representative democracy in the aftermath of a war that, quite frankly, even we were surprised we won.”
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September 2, 2021Oh My Fucking God, Get the Fucking Vaccine Already, You Fucking Fucks
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September 7, 2021A Short Quiz for My Students in Lieu of Asking About Their Vaccine Status or Requesting That They Wear Masks
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October 9, 2009It’s Decorative Gourd Season, Motherfuckers
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September 8, 2021Wake Up, Sailors, Scurvy Is a Hoax
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September 7, 2021HR Answers Your Questions About Returning to the Office
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September 13, 2021A Note to My Remaining Students at the Close of the 2021 Fall Semester
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September 20, 2021Dear McSweeney’s Crossword Puzzle
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September 20, 2021McSweeney’s Books: An Interview with Shelly Oria, Editor of Indelible in the Hippocampus: Writings from the Me Too Movement
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September 16, 2021Short Conversations with Poets: Eleanor Wilner
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September 14, 2021Excerpts from McSweeney’s Quarterly: Delandria
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September 14, 2021Excerpts from McSweeney’s Quarterly: Becoming the Baby Girl
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September 14, 2021Short Conversations with Poets: Sandra Lim
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September 11, 2021Never Forget: The Other 9/11 Kids
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September 16, 2021Updated COVID Guidelines: A Flow Chart Wrapped in a Riddle Shrouded in a Clusterfuck
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September 15, 2021So You Just Announced Your Divorce Bingo
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September 15, 2021Hercule Poirot Joins Nextdoor
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September 15, 2021Beaver of Fine Arts: Pop Quiz: A Beaver’s Study Guide to Art History
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September 14, 2021The Sixth Circle of Hell Will Be Closed Tuesdays Due to a Shortage of Workers
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