Lists

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Send your list submissions to lists@mcsweeneys.net.

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The Ways People on Dateline “Had it All” According to the Family Cat
by Dan Rozier (9/28/2016)

World of Warcraft Character or Prescription Medication That Has Been the Subject of a Class Action Lawsuit?
by Paul Bigioni (9/27/2016)

Jill Stein Canvassers Who Wouldn’t Buy Me Tampons
by Hana Michels (9/26/2016)

Lesser-Known Writing Fellowships
by Kathleen Founds (9/23/2016)

Things I Love About Fall in New England
by Elisa Abatsis (9/22/2016)

Country Songs for Progressives
by Tricia England (9/21/2016)

The Tracklist for My All-White, Entirely Male Punk Band’s Forthcoming Trump-Era Opus
by Tom Noonan (9/20/2016)

Real Housewives of Shakespeare Tag Lines
by Maley Thompson (9/19/2016)

Vogue Asked Kendall Jenner 73 Questions and Yet We Still Know Nothing About Her Thoughts on Gerrymandering. Here Are Seven Additional Questions We Demand She Answer. Now
by Gary M. Almeter (9/16/2016)

11 Things You Definitely Don’t Know About Friends, You Idiot
by Jonathan Zeller (9/15/2016)

Reasons Why I, Your Adjunct Instructor, Will Not Hold Office Hours Today
by Jacob Aplaca (9/14/2016)

Vague Quotes from Beat Generation Authors to Make Straight Cisgendered White Men Feel Good About Their Choices
by Liz Arcury (9/13/2016)

21st Century Campaign Gaffe or Popular Song Title?
by John Macintosh (9/12/2016)

The Ultimate Pub Quiz Team
by Karen Chee (9/7/2016)

13 Bumper Stickers For Existentialist Truck Drivers
by Edson Aran (9/6/2016)

Feminist Basketball Teams
by Zoe Daniels (9/1/2016)

I Have Decided to Marry My Catcaller and Here is Our Wedding Registry
by Cassie Grimaldi (8/31/2016)

A Millennial’s Hierarchy of Needs
by Matt Greenberg (8/30/2016)

6 New Additions to Goop, Gwyneth Paltrow’s Luxury Lifestyle Store
by Ben Hargrave (8/29/2016)

Back-to-School Shopping List for Your Teenager Who’s Just Going Through a Phase
by Madison Seely (8/26/2016)

Ways to Keep the Teeming Hordes of Humanity From Stealing Your Valuables at the Beach
by Rebecca Turkewitz (8/25/2016)

If Password Security Questions Were Your Parent’s Postgrad Criticisms
by Kyra Baldwin (8/24/2016)

Facebook Posts by People You Went to High School With Scavenger Hunt—Election Edition
by Derrick Fenner (8/23/2016)

Honest Excerpts From Your Acquaintance’s Travel Blog
by Becca Pearce (8/22/2016)

Five Teen Advice Column Questions Submitted by a Perimenopausal Woman
by Alice Werther (8/18/2016)

Common Bird Calls, As Identified By My Mother
by Juliana Gray (8/17/2016)

Charles Bukowski’s Email Newsletter Subject Lines
by Amanda Rosenberg (8/16/2016)

Soothing Sounds for Today’s Modern Ambien-Intolerant Woman
by Kyle Statham and Stacey Greenberg (8/12/2016)

Places Van Morrison Thinks He May Have Left His Keys
by Jack Lewis (8/11/2016)

Other Types of Tiny Houses
by Dave Petraglia (8/10/2016)

Advice for First Dates
by Ashley Rattner (8/9/2016)

Translations of Common Job Descriptions
by Jesse Sherwood (8/8/2016)

Unpopular Beer Mile Spinoffs
by Matt Izzi (8/4/2016)

10 Arguments For and Against Having Sex Now That We Live Together
by Jess Nicol (8/2/2016)

Warning Signs Your Graduate Degree Abroad May Have Been a Mistake
by Jon Flieger (8/1/2016)

Demands from California Delegation BernieBros to NOT Disrupt Hillary Clinton’s Acceptance Speech
by Christopher Monks and John Warner (7/28/2016)

7 Romantic Places for You and Your Dream Guy Who Lives With His Girlfriend
by Madeleine Trebenski (7/28/2016)

5 Signs That Your Tinder Date is Actually a TGI Friday’s Baked Potato Skin
by Becky Mandelbaum (7/27/2016)

Comforting Thoughts for #NeverHillary Bernie Supporters After Trump’s First Term
by David Kawalec (7/26/2016)

Bivalve eHarmony Ads
by Kristy Eldredge (7/25/2016)

Who Said It? Donald Trump or Regina George?
by Amber Karlins (7/22/2016)

BreitBard: The Canonical Plays
by Matthew Solomon and Stacey Garratt (7/21/2016)

Final Schedule for the 2016 Republican National Convention
by John Moe (7/18/2016)

What to Say When Your Coworker Forgets the Attachment
by Michael Antoinetti (7/15/2016)

Categories I Divided My Belongings Into Using the KonMari Method
by Valerie Nies (7/14/2016)

17 Signs You’re In a Long-Term Relationship With Iced Coffee
by Micah Osler (7/13/2016)

50 Questions Doctors Ask Instead of Just Asking If I’m Gay
by Grace Perry (7/12/2016)

Etiquette Tips for Women Who Insist on Aging
by Eena Ruffini (7/11/2016)

Things We’ve All Said In a Dressing Room
by Kate Sidley (7/8/2016)

EDM DJ or Hormonal Contraceptive?
by Kim Windyka (7/7/2016)

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