Hiring a plumber without vetting them across multiple Facebook community forums
Starting a movie after 9 p.m.
Texting without your glasses
Eating a Costco hot dog
Celebrating the one-year anniversary of ignoring your car’s “check engine” light
Sitting under the ceiling fan you installed after taking two gummies
Vacationing without your CPAP machine
Parking in a space reserved for shoppers with toddlers
Not holding the handrail while riding an escalator
Driving after dusk
Refusing to complete your podiatrist’s online intake form
Pretending you haven’t heard that scratching sound coming from your attic
Fixing a bowl of cereal without sniffing the milk first
Believing you can seamlessly transition from an Android to an iPhone
Buying standing-room-only tickets to see a ska band you loved back when you thought sciatica was just a small town in upstate New York
Having two drinks after 9 p.m.
Taking cold medicine that expired during the first Obama administration
Walking your dog on uneven sidewalks
Talking about “retirement” like it’s a real possibility
Blaming self-checkout for your hypertension and your chronic shoplifting
Answering “Unknown Caller”
Sleeping with your AirPods in to drown out your partner’s wild-boar-like snoring
Hopping on your Peloton with a belly full of Smashburger
Doing anything after 9 p.m.