The Music Man
He logged more than 50 hours of detention in high school.
He took inspirational school assemblies very seriously.
Phantom of the Opera
He keeps asking if Jenna will be at the reunion.
West Side Story
He can’t help you if you won’t tell him what’s wrong.
He has his grandfather’s baseball cards and his grandfather’s Playboys.
Fiddler on the Roof
He has a special name he called his grandmother.
Guys and Dolls
He has his own nickname for every member of the Rat Pack.
He and his dad have plans for that Camaro.
He and his dad have plans for that acid.
He has photos of himself on every ride at Six Flags, and he knows where they are.
Little Shop of Horrors (Movie)
He thinks Phineas and Ferb is funny.
Little Shop of Horrors (Broadway)
He thinks Hannibal is funny.
Book of Mormon
He will explain to you why something is funny.
His fingernails are creepily long.
Don’t get him started on student loans.
Don’t get him started on his mom.
Don’t get him started on anything.
He carries a tiny notebook and writes down things people said, but feels bad when he reads it.
Hedwig and the Angry Inch
He has pierced his own ear at least once.
He thought about piercing his own ear once.
A Chorus Line
He’s a SoulCycle instructor, but that’s just for right now.
The Sound of Music
He doesn’t understand why people don’t spank their kids anymore.
Anything Gilbert and Sullivan
He doesn’t understand why no one asks about his SAT score anymore.
Anything Jason Robert Brown
He doesn’t understand why you don’t want to hear the story about him losing his virginity at that pre-college summer program anymore.
Anything Cole Porter
He greets people by kissing them on the cheek. He’s not European.
He calls legs “gams.”
He has used an eyeliner pencil as a regular pencil.
Bye Bye Birdie
He was in Bye Bye Birdie in high school.
He doesn’t consider himself a Republican, but…
He’s not racist, but…
The King and I
He is racist.
He is Stephen Schwartz.