The Music Man: He logged more than 50 hours of detention in high school.

Les Miserables: He took inspirational school assemblies very seriously.

Phantom of the Opera: He keeps asking if Jenna will be at the reunion.

West Side Story: He can’t help you if you won’t tell him what’s wrong.

Damn Yankees: He has his grandfather’s baseball cards and his grandfather’s Playboys.

Fiddler on the Roof: He has a special name he called his grandmother.

Guys and Dolls: He has his own nickname for every member of the Rat Pack.

Jersey Boys: He and his dad have plans for that Camaro.

Tommy: He and his dad have plans for that acid.

Grease: He has photos of himself on every ride at Six Flags, and he knows where they are.

Little Shop of Horrors (Movie): He thinks Phineas and Ferb is funny.

Little Shop of Horrors (Broadway): He thinks Hannibal is funny.

Book of Mormon: He will explain to you why something is funny.

Cats: His fingernails are creepily long.

Avenue Q: Don’t get him started on student loans.

Gypsy: Don’t get him started on his mom.

Sweeney Todd: Don’t get him started on anything.

Company: He carries a tiny notebook and writes down things people said, but feels bad when he reads it.

Hedwig and the Angry Inch: He has pierced his own ear at least once.

Rent: He thought about piercing his own ear once.

A Chorus Line: He’s a SoulCycle instructor, but that’s just for right now.

The Sound of Music: He doesn’t understand why people don’t spank their kids anymore.

Anything Gilbert and Sullivan: He doesn’t understand why no one asks about his SAT score anymore.

Anything Jason Robert Brown: He doesn’t understand why you don’t want to hear the story about him losing his virginity at that pre-college summer program anymore.

Anything Cole Porter: He greets people by kissing them on the cheek. He’s not European.

Chicago: He calls legs “gams.”

Cabaret: He has used an eyeliner pencil as a regular pencil.

Bye Bye Birdie: He was in Bye Bye Birdie in high school.

1776: He doesn’t consider himself a Republican, but…

South Pacific: He’s not racist, but…

The King and I: He is racist.

Wicked: He is Stephen Schwartz.