“Last year, two mercurial billionaires formed a partnership and vowed to drive the country in a new direction. Donald Trump had the political power. Elon Musk had the money and social media might. But on Thursday, their union dissolved in remarkably public and rapid fashion, with the two men attacking each other over matters both significant and petty.” — New York Times
If you’ve kept up with the Middle-earth media in the last few days, you’ve likely heard about the feud between me, Saruman the White, and the Dark Lord Sauron. You may have heard that Sauron rescinded my generous offer to supply Mordor with Uruk-hai reinforcements in exchange for $auronCoin. And that, in retaliation, I brought up his longstanding ties to Melkor and his dark deeds on the Island of Númenor. That is all true.
But please allow me to set the record straight. Yes, I was once in allegiance with the Dark Lord Sauron. But that alliance has ended. To tell you the truth, I always hated the guy.
After the Last Alliance defeated Sauron and his malevolent shadow retreated to the wastelands of Mordor, everyone thought he was done. They thought that surely he would live out the remainder of the Third Age in shame for his attempts to overthrow the races of Middle-earth through the forging of the rings. But after Isildur slow-walked the destruction of the One Ring, and Sauron was allowed to roam free, it was only a matter of time before he rose to conquer again.
In that moment, I had an important choice to make: Would I throw my support behind a feeble alliance of elves, men, dwarves, and hobbits? Or use my influence as the most powerful wizard to gain Sauron’s favor and help him rule over Middle-earth the right way? The choice was obvious. Elitist enclaves like Rivendell had become obsessed with all the wrong priorities, like putting a hobbit in charge of taking the Ring to Mordor when that’s clearly a job for a man.
But don’t get me wrong, I was never a Sauron fan. Did I facilitate Sauron’s rise to power by donating most of Isengard’s resources to his reconquest campaign and persuading my legions of Uruk-hai followers to support him? Sure. And did I know that Sauron was a corrupted Maiar with an Eru complex and an unquenchable thirst for power? Of course.
That doesn’t mean I agreed with him on everything. When I created the One Ring Coalition, or ORC—the powerful group of goblins, balrogs, and ringwraiths I assembled to help reshape the Great Lands—I did it with the best of intentions. I wanted Middle-earth to run with the ruthlessly efficiency that only the spawn of Morgoth can accomplish. I also hoped ORC would rein in all of Sauron’s worst impulses.
But after seeing Sauron’s new “Big, Beautiful Battalion,” it became clear that he wasn’t actually interested in reform, and only cared about destroying Middle-earth and ruling over the ashes. That’s when I knew we had to go our separate ways.
The cynics will tell you that I am distancing myself from Sauron only now that radical Ents are destroying my Uruk–hai breeding grounds and hurting my bottom line. But while flooding Isengard “in protest” is annoying, it’s hardly the reason I’m dissolving our partnership.
The truth is, this is about doing what’s right. It has nothing to do with the rumors that the White Council is threatening to kick me out if I don’t cut ties with Sauron. Or that my supply stock is dwindling now that the riders of Rohan have laid siege to Orthanc.
As for those thinking that my falling out with Sauron means I’ll help the Council destroy the One Ring, think again.
I’ll never succumb to the Elrond mind virus.