Your AI Assistant or Your Mother?

1. Relive these memories from this day seven years ago.

2. Make sure you pack an umbrella, it looks like it might rain this afternoon.

3. I’d leave a little early for Claire’s dance recital today. The rain will make traffic heavier than usual.

4. I’ve compiled a list of seventeen articles on perimenopause that you might find interesting.

5. Tickets to Fort Lauderdale are the cheapest they’ve been in two weeks. Would you like to see flights?

6. How about a haircut before your trip to Florida? Here are fourteen different hairstyles that could make you look younger and skinnier than
your current haircut. I’d go with the third one.

7. I’ve gone ahead and made a hair appointment with Sherry for the day before your flight.

8. Teeth-whitening strips were on sale at Costco, so I went ahead and ordered you five boxes.

9. Don’t frown or you’ll get wrinkles.

10. Would you like to see this week’s top-rated wrinkle creams on the Sephora app?

11. Did you see this article about Alice Baker, who you went to elementary school with but haven’t interacted with since 1994, other than accepting her Facebook friend request in 2013, who just died from brain cancer and is survived by her husband and five children?

12. Did you see this article about Scott McAllister, who is the older brother of Jonathan McAllister, who you went to junior prom with, who just sold his company to a private equity firm for millions of dollars?

13. Would you like to mute “Mother”?

Answer Key

1. Your AI Assistant. Your Mother would have said, “Look how skinny you were seven years ago!”

2. Your Mother. She recently discovered the weather app on her new iPhone, a retirement gift you are already regretting.

3. Your Mother. She remembered you mentioning the dance recital when you talked to her on the phone six days ago.

4. Your AI Assistant. Your Mother knows better than to send you paywalled articles. Also, you need to remember to take off your smartwatch before you go to bed from now on.

5. All you know is now the family is spending the last week of August in South Florida.

6. Your Mother.

7. Your Mother. You have no idea who Sherry is.

8. Your Mother. Also, you’re welcome.

9. Your Mother.

10. Your AI Assistant.

11. Your Mother, who likes to remind you that the threat of death is always hovering, and that poor Claire needs a sibling.

12. Your Mother, who likes to gently indicate that, in her opinion, you are a professional disappointment. This is not mutually exclusive of #11.

13. Your AI Assistant.