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Daily humor almost every day since 1998.
Daily humor almost every day since 1998.
The Believer has returned

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Short Imagined Monologues

Send your short imagined monologues to websubmissions@mcsweeneys.net.

  • May 16, 2023
    I’m the Person Who Designs Open-Plan Office Spaces, Despite Never Having Actually Worked in One
    by Alexis Pooley
  • May 15, 2023
    I Will Defend Free Speech to the Death. Or Until an Autocrat Asks Me to Stop
    by Mike Langley
  • May 4, 2023
    Why God Decided Dogs Can’t Live as Long as People
    by Aria Braswell
  • May 3, 2023
    If Elected President, I Promise to Slaughter Mickey Mouse
    by Victor Ray
  • April 26, 2023
    Inside the Mind of an AI-Generated Woman Laughing Alone with Salad
    by Mary Flannery
  • April 19, 2023
    I’m Just a Typical British Man
    by Neil Tollfree
  • April 17, 2023
    I’m ChatGPT, and for the Love of God, Please Don’t Make Me Do Any More Copywriting
    by Joe Wellman
  • April 7, 2023
    I Am Noah and I Need to Look at Your Animals’ Pee-Pees
    by Becky Mandelbaum
  • March 24, 2023
    The Wedding Vows of Someone Marrying Their “Best Friend”
    by Emily Kling
  • March 6, 2023
    I Am New Hampshire’s State Motto. Please Remember You Can Die While Living Free
    by Jus Kaplan
  • February 22, 2023
    I’m the Neighbor Kid Offering to Shovel Your Walkway Because I Know You Can’t Say No
    by Adam Campbell-Schmitt
  • February 20, 2023
    It’s Me, Teddy Roosevelt, and by “Man In the Arena” I Didn’t Mean You, Spencer
    by Tom Ellison
1 2 3 4 5 … ⇨
Trending 🔥
  1. May 12, 2023
    How Urgently Your Mom Needs to Talk to You, Based on What She Said in the Voicemail
    by Talia Argondezzi
  2. May 18, 2023
    HBO’s Sensitivity Reading for Entourage
    by Max Davison
  3. May 18, 2023
    Cat Food Flavors Made by Cats
    by Tori Multon
  4. May 25, 2023
    A Day in the Life of a Woke Third-Grade Teacher, as Imagined by a Far-Right Politician
    by Ashley Ingle
Recently
  • May 26, 2023
    When to Turn Your AC on in New England: A Decision Guide
    by Jus Kaplan and Dan Bookbinder
  • May 26, 2023
    We at Waystar Royco Sincerely Apologize for Any Abuses That May Have Occurred at a Bluestar Sleepaway Camp+ Experience Property
    by E.R. Catalano
  • May 25, 2023
    A Day in the Life of a Woke Third-Grade Teacher, as Imagined by a Far-Right Politician
    by Ashley Ingle
  • May 25, 2023
    I’m Your Mom Playing a Video Game, and I Will Turn This Avatar Right Around If You Don’t Watch Your Tone of Voice
    by Audrey Burges
McSweeney’s is an independent nonprofit publishing company based in San Francisco.
As well as operating a daily humor website, we also publish Timothy McSweeney’s Quarterly Concern, Illustoria and an ever-growing selection of books under various imprints. You can buy all of these things from our online store. You can support us today by making a donation.

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THE EYES & THE IMPOSSIBLE IS OUT NOW

Dave Eggers’ The Eyes and the Impossible is out now in a deluxe wood-bound hardcover. Order yours today and discover this gorgeous, exhilarating, funny, frightening, mind-warping, heart-squeezing tale.

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