MCSWEENEY'S QUARTERLY SUBSCRIPTIONS
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Short Imagined Monologues
Send your short imagined monologues to websubmissions@mcsweeneys.net.
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May 28, 2025I Am Pam Bondi’s Shiny Gold Cross Necklace
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May 7, 2025I’m the Imaginary Migrant Who Crossed the Darién Gap to Vote in the United States
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May 6, 2025My PR Degree Did Not Prepare Me to Run the Vatican’s Social Media. How Do I Launch the New Pope?
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April 28, 2025I’m Tommy Westphall from the Beloved 1980s Hospital Drama St. Elsewhere, and I Want RFK Jr. the Fuck Out of My Snow Globe
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April 25, 2025I Am the Servant in the Beast’s Castle Who Was Turned into a Chamberpot, and Nobody Ever Asks Me to Sing
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April 17, 2025I’m the Zipper on Your Preschooler’s Hand-Me-Down Jacket, and I’m Gonna Destroy Your Morning
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April 8, 2025I, Famously Good President Herbert Hoover, Am Imposing Tariffs to Bolster Domestic Manufacturing
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March 12, 2025I’m Chunk’s Mother, and No, He Did Not Consult Me Before Telling Sloth He Could Live with Us
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February 25, 2025I’m a Typo, and in This Age of AI, I’m the Real Hero
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February 21, 2025Why I Chose to Reenter the Matrix and Be a Living Battery for the Machines
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February 11, 2025I Vow to Fight Autocracy with Unprecedented Levels of Finger Wagging
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February 11, 2025As an Elected Republican Who Believes in the Rapture, This Is My Chance to Shine
Trending 🔥
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June 3, 2025New York Times’ Style Guide Substitutions for “The President Violated the Constitution”
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June 6, 2025I, Saruman, Have Ended My Alliance with the Dark Lord Sauron
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February 10, 2015What a Straight Man’s Favorite Musical Says About Him
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June 9, 2025It’s Not Going Great, but Imagine How Much Worse Things Would Be with a Woman President