The Believer Magazine
Short Imagined Monologues
Send your short imagined monologues to websubmissions@mcsweeneys.net.
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April 25, 2025I Am the Servant in the Beast’s Castle Who Was Turned into a Chamberpot, and Nobody Ever Asks Me to Sing
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April 17, 2025I’m the Zipper on Your Preschooler’s Hand-Me-Down Jacket, and I’m Gonna Destroy Your Morning
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April 8, 2025I, Famously Good President Herbert Hoover, Am Imposing Tariffs to Bolster Domestic Manufacturing
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March 12, 2025I’m Chunk’s Mother, and No, He Did Not Consult Me Before Telling Sloth He Could Live with Us
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February 25, 2025I’m a Typo, and in This Age of AI, I’m the Real Hero
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February 21, 2025Why I Chose to Reenter the Matrix and Be a Living Battery for the Machines
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February 11, 2025I Vow to Fight Autocracy with Unprecedented Levels of Finger Wagging
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February 11, 2025As an Elected Republican Who Believes in the Rapture, This Is My Chance to Shine
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February 10, 2025Normalizing Indian Hate Makes Me a Good Father and Husband
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December 19, 2024I Am Whoville’s Only Home Insurance Provider, and I Am So Screwed
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December 18, 2024I’m an Apple News+ Article. Come and Get Me, Baby
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December 16, 2024Baby, It’s Me, Polio, and I’ve Missed You
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April 25, 2025I Am the Servant in the Beast’s Castle Who Was Turned into a Chamberpot, and Nobody Ever Asks Me to Sing