ILLUSTORIA MAGAZINE
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Short Imagined Monologues
Send your short imagined monologues to websubmissions@mcsweeneys.net.
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August 14, 2024I’m Sorry If My Past Actions Made Me Seem Like a Good Person
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May 24, 2024I Am the Only Person on the Fury Road Who Still Drives a Sensible Car
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May 23, 2024I’m Voting for Him, Not Endorsing Him—There’s a Huge Difference
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May 14, 2024I’m the Word “Utilize” and I’m Loving Every Moment of Your Overblown Rhetoric
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May 3, 2024I’m the Architect of the Death Star, and I Swear They Told Me I Was Designing a Military Resort
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April 11, 2024The Flu My Four-Year-Old Brought Home for Spring Break Addresses My Hope of Not Catching It
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April 10, 2024I Am Your Thirty-Fourth Browser Tab, Begging You to Reopen Me
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April 8, 2024I Am Batman, and I Will Restore Order to Gotham by Pulverizing a Man Robbing a Convenience Store to Feed His Starving Family
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April 5, 2024I’m the Draft List at This Brewery and No, You Can’t Have a Light Beer
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March 29, 2024Hi, I’m Jesus, and When I Get Back, I Want All the Eggs Hidden
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March 25, 2024The CamelBak Languishing in the Back of Your Cabinet Would Like a Word
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March 20, 2024I Am the New York Times’ Paywall, and If I Let Any Non-Subscribers in, They’ll Kill My Family
Trending 🔥
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September 11, 2024Maura Quint’s Presidential Debate Recaps: The One with the Tackle and the Bait
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August 19, 2024Lest We Forget the Horrors: A Catalog of Trump’s Worst Cruelties, Collusions, Corruptions, and Crimes: The Complete Listing: Atrocities 1–1,056
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September 9, 2024A Math Exam, but Obviously Some Stuff Has Happened over the Summer in the Teacher’s Personal Life
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August 30, 2024New School Year Drop-Off and Pick-Up Rules
Recently
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September 13, 2024A First-Year Teacher Learns to Use Adhesives from Her Mentor
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September 13, 2024Our Political Parties Have Totally Realigned
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September 12, 2024Voters Deserve an Explanation of Harris’s Flip-Flops, but Not One for Whatever Psychotic Thing Trump Is Saying
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September 12, 2024J. D. Vance Imagines a Day in the Life of a Pet-Eating Immigrant