McSweeney's Quarterly Subscriptions
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—Chicago Tribune
Short Imagined Monologues
Send your short imagined monologues to websubmissions@mcsweeneys.net.
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July 12, 2021I Am an Alien Ambassador and I Only Wish to Speak to Your Richest Human
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July 6, 2021I Am Poseidon, God of the Sea, Reminding You That Every Body Is a Beach Body (But Specifically Virgins Undefiled by the Lusts of Mortal Men)
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June 23, 2021I’ll Come Out of Retirement for This Top Secret Mission, But How Will It Affect My Social Security?
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June 14, 2021Jesus Christ Can’t Stop Obsessing Over His Follower Count
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June 10, 2021Your Neighbor With the Loud Motorcycle Who’s Making Your Life a Living Hell Introduces Himself
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May 25, 2021Why I, the COVID Vaccine, Will Never Get Chad from Tampa
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May 20, 2021The Current Real Estate Market Scoffs at Your Competitive Offer
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May 10, 2021Hey, Girl. It’s Me, the Ball Pit. Can We Talk?
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May 6, 2021I’m the Judge Who Approved the Custody Arrangement in The Parent Trap, But in My Defense, I Didn’t Think They Would Go to the Same Camp
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May 3, 2021It’s Me, God, and Yes, I Do Know What Brian Wilson Would Be Without You: Fine
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April 29, 2021The Self-Checkout Machine at CVS Gaslights You
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April 28, 2021Baba Yaga Announces That She Is Distancing Herself From Tucker Carlson
Trending 🔥
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July 13, 2021Nobody Wants to Be a Serf Anymore
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July 14, 2021Dear HR: What Skin Color Emoji Am I Supposed to Use?
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July 12, 2021I Am an Alien Ambassador and I Only Wish to Speak to Your Richest Human
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June 17, 2021What Your Favorite ’90s Rock Band Says About the Type of Bored Suburban Dad You Are Today
Recently
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July 23, 2021Summer in New York in an Increasingly Hot Climate Is Not a Good Enough Reason to Bare Your Shoulders in Public
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July 23, 2021Six Ways You Have Utterly Failed Your Child, According to a Pediatric Dentist
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July 23, 2021An Open Letter to the #OWNVOICES Movement
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July 22, 2021Apologies Women Need to Make (Sorry, It’s True!)