Short Imagined Monologues

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Send your short imagined monologues to

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Why Won’t You Kids Go to Sleep and Let Me Read Badfinger’s Wikipedia Page in Peace?
by Ben Godar (10/21/2016)

The New Smoothie Place Around the Corner is Delicious and Definitely Not a Cult!
by Natasha Vaynblat (10/20/2016)

I Work at the Desk Next to You, and Did You Know I Just Saved Fifteen Seconds Using Keyboard Shortcuts?
by Manny Morone (10/19/2016)

I’m One of Those Nice Guys
by Chas Gillespie (10/17/2016)

I’m the Person Everyone is Trying to Convince Not to Vote for Donald Trump on Social Media
by Gareth Strode (10/14/2016)

Wedding Vows to My Work Wife
by Katie Barsotti (10/4/2016)

An Impassioned Plea From a Gary Johnson Swing State Precinct Captain
by Bruce Holsinger (9/30/2016)

I Wish I Had More Than Eight Minutes With a Patient to Show Him I Don’t Care If He Lives or Dies
by Bryan Duff (9/29/2016)

I’m Mad as Hell, and I’m Only Going to Put Up With It for Another Ten or Fifteen Years
by Wen Powers (9/21/2016)

I’m EpiPen and I Haven’t Changed One Bit
by David Henne (9/13/2016)

Son, Don’t Make Any Weird Faces During This Sporting Event or You’ll Probably Become an Internet Meme
by Jory John (9/9/2016)

Hi, I’m a Mentally Ill Person as Portrayed in a Movie!
by Jeffrey Blum (9/8/2016)

Assuming My Alcohol Ankle Monitor is Off, My Wife’s Incarceration is Over and I Can Get my Swimsuit Fixed, I Plan to Kick Some Ass at the 2020 Summer Olympics
by Mike Garland (8/22/2016)

A Mother Gives Her 30-Something Daughter “The Talk.”
by Madelyne Xiao (8/19/2016)

Objection, Your Honor! It’s Time For My Moving, Heartfelt Closing Speech in This Movie About a Trial!
by Joe Luther (8/5/2016)

I Am Morgma the Mauler, Lord of Your Local Apartment Rentals
by Jason Hayes (8/3/2016)

Donatello Will Have You Know That If the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Were Little Women, Raphael Would Totally Be Amy
by Philip Wolfe (7/29/2016)

You’re Damn Right I’m Comfortable Performing These Exit Row Duties
by Chris Partridge (7/26/2016)

Clint Eastwood Talks to the Empty SCOTUS Seat at the 2016 GOP Convention
by Daniel Maurer (7/19/2016)

An Embezzler Hiding in a Monastery Tries to Hold it Together
by Jim Stallard (7/12/2016)

I Am TSA Pre-Check. And Now I Am a God
by Jeff Loveness (7/6/2016)

Welcome to My Food Sedan!
by Ben Dalton (6/27/2016)

A Whole Foods Clerk’s All-Store Announcement for a Lost Husband
by Kira Jane Buxton (6/1/2016)

Before We Give This Big Corporate Presentation, I Need You to Smack Me in the Dick
by Jon Plester (5/25/2016)

Hi, I Am a Delegate — A Non-Superdelegate
by Brian Bennett (5/17/2016)

Whistler’s Mother Has Just About Had It
by Isabella Giovannini (5/6/2016)

Vanna White at Three in the Morning
by Jory John (4/29/2016)

Albert Einstein Wants You To Know That You Can All Go Fuck Yourselves
by Gordon Webster (4/19/2016)

I’m Not Going to Stop Being a Birthday Clown Just Because My Name Also Happens to Be John Wayne Gacy
by Keaton Patti (4/13/2016)

A Thousand Pardons From a Guy Walking Through First Class to Get to Seat 32B
by J. Boyd (4/8/2016)

I’m the Word “Sexcapade” and I Just Got Added to This Spell-Check Dictionary
by Tim Eberle (4/6/2016)

Don Corleone Declares a Mattress War
by Joyce Millman (3/30/2016)

A Youth Soccer Player’s Participation Award Acceptance Speech
by Hannah Murphy (3/18/2016)

I Don’t Know How to Tell You This, But I’m Not One of Those Mood-Enhancing Lamps
by Matt Doyle (3/1/2016)

An All-Purpose Oscar Acceptance Speech
by Jay Martel (2/26/2016)

Oliver Twist Forms a Union
by Olga Oksman (2/23/2016)

Uncle Larry Explains the Logistics of His Primo Fanny Pack
by Matt Hobin (1/29/2016)

The Universally Electable Vice-Presidential Candidate
by Zain Khalid (1/27/2016)

Jesus Christ Decides He Doesn’t Want To Celebrate His Birthday This Year
by Matt Bannish (12/24/2015)

Ted Nugent Reviews A Christmas Story.
by Jennifer Byrne (12/23/2015)

Annie Gives a Corporate Motivational Speech
by Jill Twiss (12/18/2015)

A Presidential Candidate Answers a Question About Raising the Minimum Wage
by Sam Apple (12/15/2015)

Remove Your Cap and Bow Your Head, For It is I, Secretary of Agriculture Tom Vilsack
by James Folta (12/10/2015)

The Only Thing Stopping Me from Making This Hamburger Helper is a Crippling Fear of Failure
by Jacob Rosenberg (11/20/2015)

As Your Governor, I Will Protect You From Mass Shooters If They Are Syrian
by Pete Reynolds (11/18/2015)

An Anarchist History Teacher Gives His Fourth Graders a Halloween Lesson

by Rachel Friedman (10/30/2015)

A Leaf Peeper Shuts His Eyes
by Matt Seidel (10/13/2015)

On Fleek’s Eulogy for Ratchet
by Zain Khalid (9/29/2015)

Crossfit’s Film Critic Wins a 2018 National Magazine Award
by Jeremiah Tucker (9/16/2015)

I Love Fiddler On the Roof. So I Decided to Live It
by Jason Diamond (9/11/2015)

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