McSweeney's Quarterly Subscriptions
“An enduring literary presence.”
—Chicago Tribune
Subscribe to our award-winning McSweeney’s Quarterly today. Use discount code TENDENCY for $5 off.
Short Imagined Monologues
Send your short imagined monologues to websubmissions@mcsweeneys.net.
-
July 27, 2021I’m the Guy Who Wears Jeans in the Summer, and You’ll Never Get Me to Admit That I’m Burning Up
-
July 12, 2021I Am an Alien Ambassador and I Only Wish to Speak to Your Richest Human
-
July 6, 2021I Am Poseidon, God of the Sea, Reminding You That Every Body Is a Beach Body (But Specifically Virgins Undefiled by the Lusts of Mortal Men)
-
June 23, 2021I’ll Come Out of Retirement for This Top Secret Mission, But How Will It Affect My Social Security?
-
June 14, 2021Jesus Christ Can’t Stop Obsessing Over His Follower Count
-
June 10, 2021Your Neighbor With the Loud Motorcycle Who’s Making Your Life a Living Hell Introduces Himself
-
May 25, 2021Why I, the COVID Vaccine, Will Never Get Chad from Tampa
-
May 20, 2021The Current Real Estate Market Scoffs at Your Competitive Offer
-
May 10, 2021Hey, Girl. It’s Me, the Ball Pit. Can We Talk?
-
May 6, 2021I’m the Judge Who Approved the Custody Arrangement in The Parent Trap, But in My Defense, I Didn’t Think They Would Go to the Same Camp
-
May 3, 2021It’s Me, God, and Yes, I Do Know What Brian Wilson Would Be Without You: Fine
-
April 29, 2021The Self-Checkout Machine at CVS Gaslights You
Trending 🔥
-
January 5, 2022A Note of Reassurance from Your School District Regarding Our Updated Omicron Policies
-
January 14, 2022What Your Favorite Sad Dad Band Says About You
-
December 31, 2021Oh My Fucking God, Get the Fucking Vaccine Already, You Fucking Fucks
-
December 29, 2021The UX on this Small Child Is Terrible
Recently
-
January 19, 2022I Drank from the Wrong Holy Grail and Now I’m an Adjunct Professor of Comparative Literature
-
January 19, 2022Increasingly Convoluted Rules for Ordering a Philly Cheesesteak Like a Local
-
January 19, 2022Tevye from Fiddler on the Roof, Now a Rich Man, Receives a Letter from His HOA
-
January 18, 2022A Health Screening Questionnaire for Teachers