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Short Imagined Monologues
Send your short imagined monologues to websubmissions@mcsweeneys.net.
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November 3, 2021It Is I, William Shakespeare, and I Am Begging You to Stop Letting High Schoolers Put on Productions of Macbeth
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November 1, 2021An Afternoon with Me, the Man in an REI Print Ad
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October 20, 2021It Would Be Un-American to Support Legislation That Doesn’t Directly Benefit Me
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October 15, 2021Scooby-Doo Refuses to Get the Rabies Vaccine
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September 13, 2021Miss Trunchbull Asks That You Reconsider Her Methods, Post-Pandemic
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August 13, 2021I’m the Old Lady from Titanic and Let Me Just Tell You Those Nudes Will Leak
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August 12, 2021Oedipus Learns of the Term “Oedipus Complex”
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August 3, 2021I Am a Female Character in a Fantasy Movie, and It Is Integral to the Plot That I Be Topless
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July 27, 2021I’m the Guy Who Wears Jeans in the Summer, and You’ll Never Get Me to Admit That I’m Burning Up
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July 12, 2021I Am an Alien Ambassador and I Only Wish to Speak to Your Richest Human
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July 6, 2021I Am Poseidon, God of the Sea, Reminding You That Every Body Is a Beach Body (But Specifically Virgins Undefiled by the Lusts of Mortal Men)
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June 23, 2021I’ll Come Out of Retirement for This Top Secret Mission, But How Will It Affect My Social Security?
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September 22, 2022It’s Decorative Gourd Season, Motherfuckers
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September 20, 2022Should I Bring Anything to the Dinner Tonight or Just My Crippling Anxiety?
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September 15, 2022We Are a Picturesque Small Town and We Refuse to Be the Setting for Your Romantic Comedy
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September 29, 2022Template for White People Outraged Over Lizzo Playing James Madison’s Flute
Recently
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October 6, 2022Modes of Transportation I Trust More Than Tesla’s Self-Driving Cars
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October 6, 2022Brach’s Tailgate Candy Corn Mix
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October 5, 2022Innovative Ways the Healthcare Industry Keeps You Healthy
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October 5, 2022Even If Trump Goes to Prison, We Will Remain Steadfast in Our Plans to Completely Fuck Shit Up