McSWEENEY'S INTERNET TENDENCY'S PATREON
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Short Imagined Monologues
Send your short imagined monologues to websubmissions@mcsweeneys.net.
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December 20, 2023If Sam Wainwright Says “Hee-Haw” One More Time, I’m Going to Fucking Snap
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December 4, 2023I’m a Holiday Gift Guide Writer, and I Really Need You Pricks to Start Playing Backgammon
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November 30, 2023A Garnet Hill Lady Does MDMA
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November 21, 2023We Can’t Let a Couple of LGBTQ Broadway Performers Ruin Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade
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November 7, 2023A Concession Speech by a Candidate Who Just Lost to a Dog Mayor
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October 11, 2023I’m Eliza Doolittle, and I’ve Made a Huge Mistake
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October 4, 2023Well, I May Have Debased Myself to Become Speaker of the House, but At Least I Didn’t Accomplish Anything
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September 14, 2023I Am the Lord Your God, and I Want You to Know That I Invented Boners
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September 12, 2023Mike Pence on That Time When the Insurrectionists Wanted to Hang Him
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August 31, 2023I, Kitty Bennett, Have Fallen for a Man Who Busted Out the Splits on the Dance Floor
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August 30, 2023A Few Words from Your AI-Powered Vibrator
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August 28, 2023Let Me, a Man Accused of Sexual Harassment Against a Football Player, Explain Feminism to You
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March 10, 2025As an American Jew, I Feel Completely Reassured for My Safety Now That Trump Has Targeted the Epicenter of American Antisemitism, Columbia University
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March 6, 2025Killing Baby Boomers Will Save the United States Government Trillions
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March 12, 2025DOGE-Inspired Spring Cleaning
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March 5, 2025Short Conversations with Poets: Dong Li