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Short Imagined Monologues
Send your short imagined monologues to websubmissions@mcsweeneys.net.
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March 12, 2021I’m the Package You Impulse-Ordered Three Days Ago and No, I’m Not Going to Make You Feel Any Better
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March 5, 2021I Am a Neanderthal and I Resent Being Compared to Incompetent Governors
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March 3, 2021I’m All For Letting the Free Market Decide Things Unless It Decides to Stop Publishing Racist Children’s Books
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March 3, 2021It’s Me, Your Former Junior High School Bully, and I’m Sorry to Inform You That Karma Hasn’t Caught Up With Me Yet
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February 26, 2021As a Staunch Defender of American Liberty, I Refuse to Let Trans People Infringe on My Rights as a White, Straight, Cisgender Congresswoman from Georgia
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February 25, 2021A Grizzled, Months-Old Chrome Tab Welcomes a Fresh-Faced New Tab to My Browser Window
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February 23, 2021Will Hunting on Why He Shouldn’t Get an MFA
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February 19, 2021I’m a Short Afternoon Walk and You’re Putting Way Too Much Pressure on Me
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February 18, 2021American Infrastructure Checks In to Remind You That It Isn’t Actually Supposed to Work
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February 16, 2021I’m the Guy Who Wears Shorts in the Winter, and One Day You Will All Bow Before My Bare Weatherproof Legs
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February 15, 2021I’m William Henry Harrison, and It Seems You’ve Forgotten Me Again This Presidents’ Day
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February 12, 2021I, Cupid, Resign As Mascot of Valentine’s Day Because I’m a Baby and It’s Creepy
Trending 🔥
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November 23, 2021Post-Dinner Interview with a Twelve-Year-Old Who Sat at the Grown-Ups’ Table for the First Time on Thanksgiving
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September 2, 2021Oh My Fucking God, Get the Fucking Vaccine Already, You Fucking Fucks
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November 20, 2019I Am a Trader Joe’s Parking Lot and I Am Here to Destroy You
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November 30, 2021Put Away That Whip — I’m Not That Kind of Dungeon Master