The Believer Magazine
Short Imagined Monologues
Send your short imagined monologues to websubmissions@mcsweeneys.net.
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February 14, 2024As President, I Will Champion Gen X Rights
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February 7, 2024I Am a Boomer’s iPhone and I Will Not Be Silenced
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January 29, 2024I’m a YouTube Child Star, and I’m Probably Going to End Up President or Something
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January 24, 2024I’m “Flexible Instruction Day,” Formerly Known as “Snow Day”
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January 23, 2024I Am the Balance on Your Gift Card, Unknowable, Eternal
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December 20, 2023If Sam Wainwright Says “Hee-Haw” One More Time, I’m Going to Fucking Snap
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December 4, 2023I’m a Holiday Gift Guide Writer, and I Really Need You Pricks to Start Playing Backgammon
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November 30, 2023A Garnet Hill Lady Does MDMA
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November 21, 2023We Can’t Let a Couple of LGBTQ Broadway Performers Ruin Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade
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November 7, 2023A Concession Speech by a Candidate Who Just Lost to a Dog Mayor
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October 11, 2023I’m Eliza Doolittle, and I’ve Made a Huge Mistake
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October 4, 2023Well, I May Have Debased Myself to Become Speaker of the House, but At Least I Didn’t Accomplish Anything
Trending 🔥
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June 3, 2025New York Times’ Style Guide Substitutions for “The President Violated the Constitution”
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June 6, 2025I, Saruman, Have Ended My Alliance with the Dark Lord Sauron
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February 10, 2015What a Straight Man’s Favorite Musical Says About Him
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June 9, 2025It’s Not Going Great, but Imagine How Much Worse Things Would Be with a Woman President