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Short Imagined Monologues

Send your short imagined monologues to websubmissions@mcsweeneys.net.

August 7, 2023

Lindsay Lister’s Op-Ed to the Stars Hollow Gazette

by Jennifer Kathleen Gibbons
August 2, 2023

I Am Trump’s Criminal Lawyer’s Criminal Lawyer’s Criminal Lawyer’s Criminal Lawyer, and Once Again, I Have No Fucking Clue What Is Happening

by Gary M. Almeter
August 1, 2023

Captain Ahab’s Third Hour Playing the Claw Machine at Dave & Buster’s

by Max Davison
July 27, 2023

I’m the Sapphic-Coded Best Friend in a Movie or TV Show, and I’m Definitely Not Queerbaiting

by Hayley Tillett
July 20, 2023

Now I Am Become Pretentious, the Sayer of a Famous Quote

by Jack Stebbins
July 17, 2023

I Am a Monster Hell Bent on Destroying Earth, but Humans Are More Concerned That I’m a Lesbian

by Libby Marshall
June 8, 2023

Carrie Bradshaw Reflects on the Smoke from the Canadian Wildfires

by Emily Kling
May 30, 2023

I’m the Epigraph to the Novel You’re Reading, and I Don’t Know Why I’m Here Either

by Jeff Bender
May 16, 2023

I’m the Person Who Designs Open-Plan Office Spaces, Despite Never Having Actually Worked in One

by Alexis Pooley
May 15, 2023

I Will Defend Free Speech to the Death. Or Until an Autocrat Asks Me to Stop

by Mike Langley
May 4, 2023

Why God Decided Dogs Can’t Live as Long as People

by Aria Braswell
May 3, 2023

If Elected President, I Promise to Slaughter Mickey Mouse

by Victor Ray

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October 15, 2024

I’m an Undecided Hobbit, Torn Between a Dark Lord Who Promises an Age of Chaos and an Elf Queen Whom I Just Wish I Knew More About

by Sam Woods
October 15, 2024

Is It Perimenopause or the Fascist Death Knell of Late-Stage Capitalism?

by Casey Rand
September 20, 2024

It’s Decorative Gourd Season, Motherfuckers

by Colin Nissan
August 19, 2024

Lest We Forget the Horrors: A Catalog of Trump’s Worst Cruelties, Collusions, Corruptions, and Crimes: The Complete Listing: Atrocities 1–1,056

by Ben Parker, Stephanie Steinbrecher, Kelsey Ronan, John McMurtrie, Sophia DuRose, Rachel Villa, and Amy Sumerton

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October 31, 2024

This Election Wouldn’t Be So Close If My Historically Unpopular Opponent Wasn’t Such a Shrewd Campaigner

by Matthew Brian Cohen
October 31, 2024

How to Burn Off Halloween Candy Calories: 2024 Election Edition

by Ali Solomon and Wendi Aarons
October 31, 2024

270 Reasons: Because If You Don’t Want to Live in The Handmaid’s Tale, You Really Need to Vote Harris-Walz

by Margaret Atwood
October 31, 2024

I’m Voting for Trump Because of the Things He Says He’ll Do, Which I Don’t Actually Believe He’ll Do

by Miles Kahn