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Daily humor almost every day since 1998.
Daily humor almost every day since 1998.
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Short Imagined Monologues

Send your short imagined monologues to websubmissions@mcsweeneys.net.

  • October 28, 2022
    It’s Me, the Person Putting Drugs in the Halloween Candy
    by Tiffany C. Li
  • October 21, 2022
    In This Housing Market, I’ll Never Be Able to Afford to Haunt My Own Home
    by Zoe Pearl
  • August 29, 2022
    I’m Frodo Baggins and I Think Destroying the One Ring Wouldn’t Be Fair to Those It Already Ruined
    by Connor Relyea
  • August 26, 2022
    A Rebuttal to “Escape (The Piña Colada Song)” By Me, the Woman Who Wrote the Personal Ad
    by Una LaMarche
  • August 22, 2022
    Wake Up, You Lazy Skin Sack. I’m a Songbird and It’s 4 A.M.
    by Alexis Pooley
  • August 10, 2022
    I Know I Said I’d Walk Five Hundred Miles for You, But I Am Now Having Second Thoughts
    by Kevin Lynch
  • July 29, 2022
    I’m Stacy’s Mom, and Here Are All the Things I’ve Got Goin’ On
    by Leslie Ylinen
  • July 20, 2022
    Big Baby Brody Calls It a Career
    by Sam Allemang
  • July 15, 2022
    I Am Ariel the Little Mermaid, and I’d Like to Be a Fish Again
    by Joanna Castle Miller
  • July 14, 2022
    I’m the Person in Charge of Printing Out the Entire Internet
    by Jake Bettermann
  • July 1, 2022
    Laws Should Be Based Solely on the Words of Constitutional Authors Like Me, the Guy Who Died After Shoving a Piece of Whalebone in His Dick
    by Domenico Siravo
  • June 28, 2022
    I’m the Last Bottle of Ketchup at Mar-a-Lago and I Live in a State of Constant Fear
    by Matt Fotis
⇦ … 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 … ⇨
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  3. February 10, 2015
    What a Straight Man’s Favorite Musical Says About Him
    by Mara Wilson
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McSweeney’s is an independent nonprofit publishing company based in San Francisco.
As well as operating a daily humor website, we also publish Timothy McSweeney’s Quarterly Concern, Illustoria and an ever-growing selection of books under various imprints. You can buy all of these things from our online store. You can support us today by making a donation.

We are committed to our environment. Each year, we purchase carbon offsets commensurate with our estimate of the impact of the printing, shipping, and travel necessary to publish our books and magazines. We are continually working to minimize our impact on the planet by examining every business decision through a lens of sustainability. To support this effort, or to learn more, please write to executive director Amanda Uhle. McSweeney’s accepts no writing aided in any manner by AI. Before publishing any writing—from a letter to a book-length work—authors published at McSweeney’s will be asked to attest that AI played no part in the creation or writing of that work.
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Porthole is out now!

“A hilarious and exhilarating provocation about art-making at any cost and the gutting ruthlessness of power. Joanna Howard is a singular talent; her work is propulsive, kinetic, and laser sharp. She is a genius!”—Patrick Cottrell. Bring home Porthole today.

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