“Biden’s student loan socialism is a slap in the face to every family who sacrificed to save for college, every graduate who paid their debt, and every American who chose a certain career path or volunteered to serve in our Armed Forces …” – Sen. Mitch McConnell

Ever since the One Ring came into my possession, people have begged me to destroy it. I’ve spent many sleepless nights pondering over the Ring on the road to Mount Doom and I understand how destroying it could be a boon to the free peoples of Middle-Earth. But have you considered that it wouldn’t be fair to those who already sacrificed their lives for the One Ring?

Take, for example, Isildur. He believed the Ring’s promises of power, glory, and his house’s unending reign over Arnor and he accepted the Ring, thinking he understood what that meant. And he paid for it: enduring the death of his father and two sons, and being ambushed and killed by orcs after losing the Ring in the River Anduin.

To eradicate this most beautiful and powerful object would be a slap in the face to the sacrifices he made. It’s only fair, then, that the current Ring-bearer, who happens to be me, continues to carry the precious. I mean the Ring.

Speaking of the precious, what about Gollum? He might have been coerced by a predatory force into killing his cousin to take the Ring for his own, but he still made that choice himself. Sure, he lived for centuries near Goblin-town, survived on raw fish and clocked in every day to be enslaved by the will of a semi-sentient item of malice. But I don’t see how destroying it became the problem of the everyday Man, Dwarf, or Elf who didn’t choose that path.

We shouldn’t have to fix the choices Gollum made just because they may have doomed the world to Sauron’s dominion or the possible rise of a majestic and terrible new ruler who may or may not be a hobbit.

Concerning hobbits, let’s not forget Uncle Bilbo. He fell into possession of the Ring simply because he wanted to rise above the circumstances of his birth. Yes, it stretched his life to unnatural lengths and forced his family member into carrying the load after he could no longer continue. But he toiled under the Ring’s thrall for six decades and earned his reward of living freely with the Elves.

Dismantling the One Ring now would be like spitting on that hard work. And would it be so terrible for us to honor that work by allowing me to hold on to this marvelous relic with the power to cover all the lands in my own splendor?

All of this is nothing to say of what damning the doomsday device to the fires of Orodruin would do to Gondor’s military. Without the near-constant threat of the Dark Lord, whoever that may be, they’d never be able to attract strong, young volunteers for their armies.

In light of all that, I’ve decided to keep the Ring. It is mine. My own. And I will bear it for as long as I have this finger upon which it rests.