McSWEENEY'S INTERNET TENDENCY'S PATREON
Short Imagined Monologues
Send your short imagined monologues to websubmissions@mcsweeneys.net.
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August 19, 2016Monologue: A Mother Gives Her 30-Something Daughter “The Talk.”
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August 5, 2016Monologue: Objection, Your Honor! It’s Time For My Moving, Heartfelt Closing Speech in This Movie About a Trial!
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August 3, 2016Monologue: I Am Morgma the Mauler, Lord of Your Local Apartment Rentals
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July 29, 2016Monologue: Donatello Will Have You Know That If the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Were Little Women, Raphael Would Totally Be Amy
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July 26, 2016Monologue: You’re Damn Right I’m Comfortable Performing These Exit Row Duties
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July 19, 2016Monologue: Clint Eastwood Talks to the Empty SCOTUS Seat at the 2016 GOP Convention
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July 12, 2016Monologue: An Embezzler Hiding in a Monastery Tries to Hold it Together
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July 6, 2016Monologue: I Am TSA Pre-Check. And Now I Am a God
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June 27, 2016Monologue: Welcome to My Food Sedan!
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June 1, 2016Monologue: A Whole Foods Clerk’s All-Store Announcement for a Lost Husband
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May 25, 2016Monologue: Before We Give This Big Corporate Presentation, I Need You to Smack Me in the Dick
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May 17, 2016Monologue: Hi, I Am a Delegate — A Non-Superdelegate
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October 20, 2009It’s Decorative Gourd Season, Motherfuckers
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November 5, 2018Can You Find the Hidden Images In These 15 “Magic Eye” Photos?
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October 31, 2018Why It’s Too Difficult For Me to Vote, and How Many Beers I Can Butt Chug In Under 60 Seconds
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November 5, 2018Lest We Forget the Horrors: A Catalog of Trump’s Worst Cruelties, Collusions, Corruptions, and Crimes: The Complete Listing (So Far): Atrocities 1-546
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November 13, 2018So, You’re About to Turn 40: A Memo From Your Media or Tech Company’s HR Department
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November 13, 2018List: If People Talked to Other Professionals the Way They Talk to Teachers
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November 13, 2018Thanks for Sharing Your Unsolicited and Negative Opinion On the Internet!
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November 13, 2018Key Ring Chronicles: Pragmatic Swiss Army Knife