ILLUSTORIA MAGAZINE
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Short Imagined Monologues
Send your short imagined monologues to websubmissions@mcsweeneys.net.
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July 14, 2022I’m the Person in Charge of Printing Out the Entire Internet
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July 1, 2022Laws Should Be Based Solely on the Words of Constitutional Authors Like Me, the Guy Who Died After Shoving a Piece of Whalebone in His Dick
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June 28, 2022I’m the Last Bottle of Ketchup at Mar-a-Lago and I Live in a State of Constant Fear
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June 24, 2022The Virgin Mary Reclaims Her Birth Story
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June 21, 2022Batman Contemplates the Non-Existence of Masturbation in the DC Universe
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June 3, 2022I Am a Carnivorous Kestrel Falcon with Postpartum Depression
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May 19, 2022This Town Ain’t Big Enough for the Two of Us, Partner—So I’ll Just Leave Then. Enjoy the Town!
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May 9, 2022I’m the Producer of This Biopic and Here’s Why We Made It Despite Objections from the Subject, Their Family, and the General Public
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May 5, 2022I Am Your Marxist Hamster, and You, Land-Owning Pig, Are the Bourgeoisie
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May 3, 2022We’re the Supreme Court, and We Should Have Used Protection
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April 20, 2022I’m the High School’s Theater Director, and I’ve Precast Every Role in This Upcoming Production of Bye-Bye Birdie
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April 15, 2022Hello, It’s Me, Elijah. Who’s the Jerk Who Drank My Cup of Wine?
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October 15, 2024I’m an Undecided Hobbit, Torn Between a Dark Lord Who Promises an Age of Chaos and an Elf Queen Whom I Just Wish I Knew More About
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October 15, 2024Is It Perimenopause or the Fascist Death Knell of Late-Stage Capitalism?
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September 20, 2024It’s Decorative Gourd Season, Motherfuckers
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August 19, 2024Lest We Forget the Horrors: A Catalog of Trump’s Worst Cruelties, Collusions, Corruptions, and Crimes: The Complete Listing: Atrocities 1–1,056
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October 31, 2024This Election Wouldn’t Be So Close If My Historically Unpopular Opponent Wasn’t Such a Shrewd Campaigner
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October 31, 2024How to Burn Off Halloween Candy Calories: 2024 Election Edition
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October 31, 2024270 Reasons: Because If You Don’t Want to Live in The Handmaid’s Tale, You Really Need to Vote Harris-Walz
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October 31, 2024I’m Voting for Trump Because of the Things He Says He’ll Do, Which I Don’t Actually Believe He’ll Do