McSWEENEY'S INTERNET TENDENCY'S PATREON
Join our Patreon for as little as $5 a month and get access to author interviews, content calls, discounts at our store, and more. Help support our writers and keep our site ad-free.
Short Imagined Monologues
Send your short imagined monologues to websubmissions@mcsweeneys.net.
-
January 26, 2023Peaches the Instagram Dachshund Wants a Cut
-
December 14, 2022I’m the Dad in this Christmas Movie and Despite Overwhelming Evidence, I Still Don’t Believe in Santa
-
December 12, 2022Small-Town Mayor Is Done with Visitors Looking for Love at Christmas Time
-
November 18, 2022I’m the Owner of the Car Aboard the Titanic, and I Demand to Know Who Had Sex in It
-
November 17, 2022I’m a Middle School Boy, and I Refuse to Wear Anything but Basketball Shorts in the Winter
-
November 4, 2022I Pledge to Accept the Results of the Election as Long as I Win
-
October 28, 2022It’s Me, the Person Putting Drugs in the Halloween Candy
-
October 21, 2022In This Housing Market, I’ll Never Be Able to Afford to Haunt My Own Home
-
August 29, 2022I’m Frodo Baggins and I Think Destroying the One Ring Wouldn’t Be Fair to Those It Already Ruined
-
August 26, 2022A Rebuttal to “Escape (The Piña Colada Song)” By Me, the Woman Who Wrote the Personal Ad
-
August 22, 2022Wake Up, You Lazy Skin Sack. I’m a Songbird and It’s 4 A.M.
-
August 10, 2022I Know I Said I’d Walk Five Hundred Miles for You, But I Am Now Having Second Thoughts
Trending 🔥
-
March 31, 2025I’m a Free-Thinking Centrist with Only Right-Wing Ideas
-
April 9, 2025US News & World Report’s Best Remaining Colleges, 2028
-
April 1, 2025I’m a German Citizen in 1933, and Is It Just Me or Is It Really Hard to Get Any Work Done Right Now?
-
April 15, 2025Lest We Forget the Horrors: An Unending Catalog of Trump’s Cruelties, Collusions, Corruptions, and Crimes