McSWEENEY'S INTERNET TENDENCY'S PATREON
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Short Imagined Monologues
Send your short imagined monologues to websubmissions@mcsweeneys.net.
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August 22, 2023How to Defuse a Bomb, According to My Mother
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August 15, 2023I’m Racketeering Charges, and I’m Here to Rock This Presidential Indictment-Fest Like You Wouldn’t Believe
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August 7, 2023Lindsay Lister’s Op-Ed to the Stars Hollow Gazette
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August 2, 2023I Am Trump’s Criminal Lawyer’s Criminal Lawyer’s Criminal Lawyer’s Criminal Lawyer, and Once Again, I Have No Fucking Clue What Is Happening
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August 1, 2023Captain Ahab’s Third Hour Playing the Claw Machine at Dave & Buster’s
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July 27, 2023I’m the Sapphic-Coded Best Friend in a Movie or TV Show, and I’m Definitely Not Queerbaiting
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July 20, 2023Now I Am Become Pretentious, the Sayer of a Famous Quote
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July 17, 2023I Am a Monster Hell Bent on Destroying Earth, but Humans Are More Concerned That I’m a Lesbian
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June 8, 2023Carrie Bradshaw Reflects on the Smoke from the Canadian Wildfires
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May 30, 2023I’m the Epigraph to the Novel You’re Reading, and I Don’t Know Why I’m Here Either
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May 16, 2023I’m the Person Who Designs Open-Plan Office Spaces, Despite Never Having Actually Worked in One
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May 15, 2023I Will Defend Free Speech to the Death. Or Until an Autocrat Asks Me to Stop
Trending 🔥
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March 31, 2025I’m a Free-Thinking Centrist with Only Right-Wing Ideas
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April 9, 2025US News & World Report’s Best Remaining Colleges, 2028
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April 1, 2025I’m a German Citizen in 1933, and Is It Just Me or Is It Really Hard to Get Any Work Done Right Now?
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April 4, 2025The White House or The White Lotus?