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Short Imagined Monologues

Send your short imagined monologues to websubmissions@mcsweeneys.net.

March 28, 2022

I’m Timothée Chalamet, and This Was Supposed to Be My Controversial Oscars Night

by Emily Flake
March 25, 2022

I Am the Top Humidifier According to Wirecutter and I Can’t Take the Pressure Anymore

by Andrew Palmer and Brian Platzer
March 9, 2022

I Am the Man Who Says “Ciao”

by Philip Kean
March 3, 2022

I, High-Powered Fashion Editor Miranda Priestly, Demand an Assistant Who Is Terrible

by Daniel Kibblesmith and Jennifer Wright
February 23, 2022

The Protagonist’s Best Friend Would Like to Stop Having to Shoehorn So Much Exposition into Their Dialogue

by Simon Henriques
February 18, 2022

I’m Abraham Lincoln and I Beg of You, Please Commemorate My Birthday with Mattress Sales

by Joe Yan
February 2, 2022

Punxsutawney Phil Reckons with His Jungian Shadow

by Kate Tellers and Gwen Coburn
January 28, 2022

Hello, It’s Me, the Guy Who Gets Visibly Angry at an Image of Minnie Mouse in a Pantsuit

by Andrew Nadeau
January 12, 2022

Ho There! I Am a Nineteenth-Century Iron Worker and I Await the Day This Factory Is Refurbished into an Up-Market Food Hall

by Patrick Clinch
January 4, 2022

I’m HBO Max, and Oh My God, What Is It Now?

by Keith James
November 17, 2021

I’m Captain Ahab and I Say We Must Never Transition Away from a Whale-Based Energy Industry

by Ruyi Wen
November 9, 2021

I Am Godzilla, King of Monsters, and I, Too, Had a Brief Relationship with Pete Davidson

by Keith James

Trending 🔥

September 22, 2022

It’s Decorative Gourd Season, Motherfuckers

by Colin Nissan
September 20, 2022

Should I Bring Anything to the Dinner Tonight or Just My Crippling Anxiety?

by Alexis Pooley
September 15, 2022

We Are a Picturesque Small Town and We Refuse to Be the Setting for Your Romantic Comedy

by Rachel Mans McKenny
September 29, 2022

Template for White People Outraged Over Lizzo Playing James Madison’s Flute

by Devorah Blachor

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October 6, 2022

Modes of Transportation I Trust More Than Tesla’s Self-Driving Cars

by Kristen Mulrooney
October 6, 2022

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by Lane Chasek
October 5, 2022

Innovative Ways the Healthcare Industry Keeps You Healthy

by Ginny Hogan
October 5, 2022

Even If Trump Goes to Prison, We Will Remain Steadfast in Our Plans to Completely Fuck Shit Up

by Kathryn Baecht