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Short Imagined Monologues
Send your short imagined monologues to websubmissions@mcsweeneys.net.
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February 4, 2021The Terrible Things I Have Said and Done My Entire Life, and Right Up Until a Few Days Ago, Do Not Represent Me As a Person
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January 26, 2021I’m Being Censored, and You Can Read, Hear, and See Me Talk About It in the News, on the Radio, and on TV
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January 20, 2021It’s Me, OLD GUY, the Undeveloped Character in Your Screenplay
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January 15, 2021Even I, Satan, Am Appalled at the State of the Republican Party
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January 14, 2021I Am the Designer of This Restaurant’s Outdoor Seating Space, and This Is My Artist’s Statement
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January 11, 2021I’m 15th-Century Aztec King Ahuitzotl and I’m Kind of Uncomfortable with All the Human Sacrificing Going on Around Here
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January 8, 2021Dry January Is Shocked By Your Naïveté
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January 7, 2021I’m the 25th Amendment, and I’ve Been Waiting for This Moment My Entire Life
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January 6, 2021“You Fuckers Really Screwed This Up”: A Message from James Madison on the 2020 Electoral Count
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January 5, 2021Hi Teachers, It’s Me, the Google Classroom Private Comment Function, and I’m Here to Save the Day
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December 23, 2020Timothy Cratchit’s Socialist Manifesto
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December 21, 2020I’m Kris Kringle from the 1970 TV Movie Santa Claus Is Comin’ to Town and It Is Time to Let Me Die
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April 13, 2021An FAQ About Your New Birth Control: The Music of Rush
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April 16, 2021As a Republican, I Believe White Men Are Boys, Boys of Color Are Men, and Underage Girls Are Consenting Adults
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April 9, 2021The Five Stages of Grief When Dealing With No Longer Being Able to See the “Scoop, There It Is” Geico Commercial
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April 9, 2021An Open Letter to My Children Regarding the Commencement of Asynchronous Parenting