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Short Imagined Monologues
Send your short imagined monologues to websubmissions@mcsweeneys.net.
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March 12, 2021I’m the Package You Impulse-Ordered Three Days Ago and No, I’m Not Going to Make You Feel Any Better
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March 5, 2021I Am a Neanderthal and I Resent Being Compared to Incompetent Governors
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March 3, 2021I’m All For Letting the Free Market Decide Things Unless It Decides to Stop Publishing Racist Children’s Books
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March 3, 2021It’s Me, Your Former Junior High School Bully, and I’m Sorry to Inform You That Karma Hasn’t Caught Up With Me Yet
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February 26, 2021As a Staunch Defender of American Liberty, I Refuse to Let Trans People Infringe on My Rights as a White, Straight, Cisgender Congresswoman from Georgia
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February 25, 2021A Grizzled, Months-Old Chrome Tab Welcomes a Fresh-Faced New Tab to My Browser Window
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February 23, 2021Will Hunting on Why He Shouldn’t Get an MFA
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February 19, 2021I’m a Short Afternoon Walk and You’re Putting Way Too Much Pressure on Me
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February 18, 2021American Infrastructure Checks In to Remind You That It Isn’t Actually Supposed to Work
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February 16, 2021I’m the Guy Who Wears Shorts in the Winter, and One Day You Will All Bow Before My Bare Weatherproof Legs
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February 15, 2021I’m William Henry Harrison, and It Seems You’ve Forgotten Me Again This Presidents’ Day
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February 12, 2021I, Cupid, Resign As Mascot of Valentine’s Day Because I’m a Baby and It’s Creepy
Trending 🔥
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July 13, 2021Nobody Wants to Be a Serf Anymore
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July 14, 2021Dear HR: What Skin Color Emoji Am I Supposed to Use?
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July 12, 2021I Am an Alien Ambassador and I Only Wish to Speak to Your Richest Human
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June 17, 2021What Your Favorite ’90s Rock Band Says About the Type of Bored Suburban Dad You Are Today
Recently
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July 23, 2021Summer in New York in an Increasingly Hot Climate Is Not a Good Enough Reason to Bare Your Shoulders in Public
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July 23, 2021Six Ways You Have Utterly Failed Your Child, According to a Pediatric Dentist
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July 23, 2021An Open Letter to the #OWNVOICES Movement
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July 22, 2021Apologies Women Need to Make (Sorry, It’s True!)