Columns
The McSweeney’s Book of Politics & Musicals Week
@thereal_saintfrancis_
826 Chicago at Pitchfork
A Financial Economist Talks About Things We Should Know
A Week With the Believer
Abandoned Joke Lists from the Bob’s Burgers Writer’s Room
Adventures With Jonathan Ames
Advertising Copy We Have Received in Our Submissions Inbox
Advice From a Person With a Bachelor’s Degree in Psychology
American Policy Suggestions from a Chicago Sports Fan
Amongst the Liberal Elite
Any Given Wednesday Afternoon
Apocalypse of the Week
Are You Telling Me That This Sucker’s Nuclear? Adventures in Atomic Tourism
Ask a Former Professional Literary Agent
Ask the McSweeney’s Representative
Assimilate Or Go Home: Dispatches from the Stateless Wanderers
B.R. Cohen’s Annals of Science
B.R. Cohen’s Days at the Museum
Balls Out: A Column On Being Transgendered
Ben Greenman’s Fake Celebrity Musicals
Ben Greenman’s Graphs About Charts and Charts About Graphs
Ben Greenman’s Money-Making Schemes
Best Joke Ever
Bianca, the Covert Toronto Escort With a Day Job
Big Mom on Campus: Raising Two Kids in a College Dorm
Bitchslap: A Column About Women and Fighting
Brad Melekian’s Surf Report
Bream Gives Me Hiccups: Restaurant Reviews from a Privileged Nine-Year-Old
Chris White Answers Profound Questions About the Presidents
Classic Russian Writers: For teh Internets
Conversations at a Wartime Café
Daily Reason to Dispatch Bush
Dan Kennedy Solves Your Problems With Paper
Dan Liebert, Verbal Cartoonist
Daniel Radosh’s Media Moment
Dear President Bannon
Dendrophilia and Other Social Taboos
Diary of a Congressional Candidate in Florida’s Fourth Congressional District
Dispatches From the Napoleonic Wars at the Met
Dispatches From a Guy Trying Unsuccessfully to Sell a Song in Nashville
Dispatches From a Hangdog Bankrupt
Dispatches From a Humanitarian Journalist
Dispatches From a Public Librarian
Dispatches From a Real McSweeney
Dispatches From Adjunct Faculty at a Large State University
Dispatches from an Emergency Room Doctor
Dispatches From an Environmental Lawyer Who is Trying to Grow a Mustache
Dispatches From an Indian Casino
Dispatches from Civil War Reenactments
Dispatches from Iceland
Dispatches From India
Dispatches From Iraq
Dispatches From Manila
Dispatches from Montevideo
Dispatches From Moscow
Dispatches From Roy Kesey, An American Guy Married to a Peruvian Diplomat Living in China
Dispatches from the 2004 Sundance Film Festival
Dispatches From the Anacostia
Dispatches From the Capital
Dispatches from the NBA Entertainment League
Dispatches from the War on Christmas Music
Dispatches From the Wings at the Ballet
Diversity In the News
Doing Science: The Business of Figuring Things Out
Doogie Horner’s Literary Ghosts
Dream Jobs That You’re Glad You Didn’t Pursue
E-mails Sent to the University of Alabama English Department Flag-Football Team
Excerpts from the San Francisco Panorama
Expert Help for Your Fantasy Baseball Franchise
Facepalm Pilot: Where Technology Meets Stupidity
Fading the Vig: A Gambler’s Guide to Life
Family Practice: An Occasional Column by “Dr.” Amy Fusselman
Fear, Inc
Field Notes from Gentrified Places
Fitzgerald Contest Winner and Runners-Up
FLIP: A Column About Skateboarding
FreeDarko’s Executive Quarters of Organized Basketball
Gabe Hudson’s Dear Mr. President Letters
George Viebranz Has Taken to His Bed
Get to Know an Internet Commenter
Getting a Head: Touring the World as a Giant Dancing Bear
Ghost Stories With Hidden Agendas
Global War on Bedbugs: Letters From Bedbug City
God’s Little Acre of Diamonds: Observations On Travel Ball in Cobb County, Georgia
Going Where the Southern Cross the Dog: A Column About the Blues
Grant Munroe’s Corporate Folktales
Graphic Dispatches from a New New Yorker
Graphic Dispatches from a Recent College Grad Still Living in a College Town
Gyros to Heroes: A Column About Sandwiches
Hijabi in Plain Sight
History’s a Bitch: A Dog Walk Through Time
Home On the Range
How I Met McSweeney’s
How to Be a Better Teacher-Person Through Apathy
How to Find Love: Lessons from an Old Maid
Hungover Bear and Friends
I Don’t Have This Job
I Like Big Brass and I Cannot Lie: Confessions from the Tuba World
I Live Real Close to Where You Used to Live: Kids’ Letters to Michelle Obama
In Other Magazines
In These Deserts: War Stories From Afghanistan
Inside Witnesses: One Crime’s Many Narratives
Interviews with Barbers
Interviews with Drivers of Lunch Trucks
Interviews With People Who Have Interesting or Unusual Jobs
Interviews with the Authors of McSweeney’s 46: The Latin American Crime Issue
It’s All Greek to Me: A Column on Sororities in the South
John Moe’s Pop Song Correspondences
Jokes by Brian Beatty
Journal Entries from Sara Grady, Who is Studying Horseshoe Crabs on Cape Cod
Kevin Dolgin Tells You About Places You Should Go In Europe
Key Ring Chronicles 🆕
Let’s Make a Million Dollars!
Letters From an Earth Ball, To Or Concerning Sean Hannity
Letters from Elizabeth Miller’s Dad, Who Fights Fires While Flying a Helicopter
Letters From the Hellbox
Letters to McSweeney’s
Listicles for People Exactly Like You
Lists 🆕
McSweeney’s Advent Calendar
McSweeney’s Books’ Blasts From the Past
McSweeney’s Brain Exploder
McSweeney’s Halloween Tales
McSweeney’s Internet Tendency’s Most-Read Pieces of the Year
McSweeney’s Internet Tendency’s Week in Review
McSweeney’s Predicts
McSweeney’s Recommends
McSweeney’s Testimonials
Mike Fowler’s Dinner With Putin
Mike Richardson-Bryan’s Five Stages of Grief
Mostly Uninformative Infographics
My Own Private Shock Corridor
My Signed Comedy LPs: One Comedy Nerd’s Obsessive Journey
No Fear of Flying: Kamikaze Missions in Death, Sex, and Comedy
Non-Essential Mnemonics
Norse History for Bostonians
Not So Timeless After All
Notes From an Amateur Spectator at Amateur Mixed Martial Arts Fights
Notes From the Caddieshack
Notes from the McSweeney’s Representative
Oh My Gawd: A Column About a Teenager Navigating Religion
On the Trail of Mary Jane
Open Letters to People or Entities Who Are Unlikely to Respond
Philip Graham Spends a Year in Lisbon
Playing Doctor
Position Papers from the Apple Pie and Machine Guns Institute
Q&O: A Conversation with Poet-O, the Poet Laureate of Central Park
Readers’ Interesting Experiences While Buying, Reading, or Traveling with the Print Version
Rebunking Conspiracy Theories
Reintroducing Allan Seager
Reports From the Pinball Scene
Retail Therapy: Inside the Apple Store
Reviews of New Food
Reviews of Self-Help Books by Professional Athletes
Richard Parks Answers Your Bluegrass Music and Bluegrass Music-Related Questions
Sarah Walker Shows You How
Sean Michaels Listens to Music in Montreal
Sean Wilsey On the Glories of His Book Tour
Selections from Speak, Commentary
Selections From the Cosby Codex
Sestinas
Short Essays on Favorite Songs, Inspired by Nick Hornby’s Songbook
Short Fiction Starring or Mentioning David Gergen
Short Imagined Monologues
So You Want to Be President?
Songs of Enemies of Deserts
Speaking for All Christians Exactly Like Me
Stained Teeth: A Column About Wine
Stephen Elliott’s Poker Report
Store Items Sold
Sumotalk
Teddy Wayne’s Unpopular Proverbs
Testomania
Thanks and Have Fun Running the Country: Kids’ Letters to President Obama
The 49ers: Oral Histories of Americans Facing 50
The Angry Doodler Reviews
The Art of Hosting
The Attacks and Their Aftermath
The Chorus Boy Chronicles
The Conflicted Existence of the Female Porn Writer
The Convergences Contest
The Hidden Rich
The Long Walk: A Column About Washington
The Peculiar Arab Chronicles
The Service Industry
The Spark that Set the Arab World on Fire: Dispatches from Post-Revolutionary Tunisia
The State of Publishing
The View from Where I Standardize: Ruminations from the Test-Prep Industry
The Winner’s Circle With Eric Feezell
Thirteen Writing Prompts Contest
Tim Carvell’s History’s Notable Persons Reconsidered
Total Loss: A Column About Inventorying Other People’s Tragedies
Touch Me: A Column About Massage
Tractors Drive Themselves: One Man’s Return to the Farm
Traig & McGrath, Shut-In Detectives
Trampoline Hall Tour Diary
Transcripts of Callers Reporting Litter or Major Debris in a Major Western-Hemisphere Municipality
Traveling Europe in Style With Auckland Dingiroo, Dark-Age Tourist and Critic of Food and Drink
Travels With My Antecessors: Michelle Orange Goes in Search of Her Name
Twenty-Minute Stories
Unused Audio Commentary By Howard Zinn And Noam Chomsky, Recorded For The Return Of the King (Platinum Series Extended Edition) DVD
Voices from the Government Shutdown
Warnings Affixed to Laboratory Doors at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology
Weekly NFL Picks
Wholphin Previews
Women Who Should Be Pretty Pissed Off
Your Money… Your Job… Your Life, With Alison Rosen
Your Prescribing Doctor: Dispatches from the Psycho-pharmaceutical Complex