Let us ask ourselves the difficult questions,
For this is the time for honesty.
How much time did we waste
In the year that is now past?
Did we see enough baby panda videos,
Or did we neglect them in pursuit of pointless work deadlines?
The click-bait: did we ignore it?
The snarky message board comment: Did we make it, or did we miss that precious opportunity?
Too much time was spent with our families,
While our Friends quizzes remained unanswered.
Too many hours wasted outside,
While our Crafting Table stood neglected.
Did we refrain from @replying to every tweet?
Whom did we leave unpoked?
How many bitcoins did we leave unmined?
How many candies uncrushed?
Was our caps-lock left unpressed?
Did we heedlessly spell-check?
Did we even when we literally couldn’t?
Did we leave ‘nuff unsaid?
Did we remember to reach out to friends, tagging them in photos they weren’t in?
Did we invite them to like our new home business? Share our joy in reaching 2048?
Did we Snope when we should have forwarded?
Did we selfishly refuse to reply all?
Each of us sinned productively in our own way.
We checked for viruses, we backed up, we saved early and often.
We lifehacked, we hiveminded, we Got Things Done.
We read the fucking manual, the too-long article, and our friends’ tumblr fiction, as we promised.
This Rosh Hashanah, let us do better.
We can, and we will.
Let us smugly fulfill every challenge.
Let us share more causes instead of supporting them.
In each of our profiles, a more attractive life.
In each of us, a better duckface.