ARTICLES BY
John Warner

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Are We Better Off Than We Were Four Years Ago? (9/27/2012)

I Am the Man Who Paints His Face With the American Flag and Goes to Olympic Curling Matches and Bangs A Cowbell (2/20/2010)

I Am the Man Who Paints His Entire Head and Face to Resemble the Helmet of His Favorite Football Team (2/5/2010)

So You Want to Be President?: Gaslight Action News (5/28/2008)

Quién Es Caliente? Getting Your RateMyProfessors.com Chili Pepper (5/15/2008)

So You Want to Be President?: Angel of No Mercy (4/29/2008)

So You Want to Be President?: Foreign Film (4/7/2008)

So You Want to Be President?: No Country for Anyone (3/18/2008)

So You Want to Be President?: Point Breaking Point (3/4/2008)

Fondling Your Muse: Fighting Procrastination. (1/4/2006)

Notes from a Neighborhood War (11/5/2004)

David Brooks Also Eats Cereal (9/20/2004)

Open Letters: An Open Letter to William Kristol, Richard Perle, and President Bush’s Other Neoconservative Puppetmasters (4/19/2004)

List: Emotions/Bodily Responses I Experience When Reading About the Controversy Surrounding President Bush’s State of the Union Address in Which He Falsely Stated That Iraq Had Tried to Secure “Yellowcake” Uranium from Niger (7/18/2003)

Breaking Through Writer’s Block (6/16/2003)

Rounder Characters in No Time Flat (6/4/2003)

List: Injudicious Uses of Exclamation Points in the Teacher’s Video Company Catalog (4/22/2002)

List: Noises That Select Political Pundits Would Make If They Were Wild Animals Instead of Political Pundits (11/27/2000)

List: The First 100 Posts (11/10/2000)

List: Recipes That Would Be Officially Approved by the Ayn Rand Institute (11/1/2000)

The Mopier (9/21/2000)

List: Lesser-Known Facts, Democratic Party Edition (9/19/2000)

List: Possible Winning Solutions to the Board Game “Clue” if the Characters were Replaced with Right-Leaning Political Pundits, the Weapons Replaced with Logical Fallacies, and the Rooms Replaced with Either Jung’s “Psychic Containers” or Varieties of Soft Chee (1/17/2000)

Fights I’ve Recently Seen in Which I was Not Involved, but Still Played a Part, However Minor, Done in Three Short Plays. (9/13/1999)

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