A McSweeney’s Kickstarter Testimonial

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“McSweeney’s and maxipads changed my life. In 2007, I wrote an open letter about Always maxipads and it was on the Internet Tendency for six days before going viral. This is before Facebook and Twitter, mind you, so it went viral by people printing it out and mailing it to each other like animals. But the opportunity to have my work seen and appreciated for the very first time was incredible, and it kicked off my humor writing career. I will be forever indebted to McSweeney’s for that and owe them a portion of the tens of dollars I make each year from said humor writing career. Thank you thank you.”
— Wendi Aarons, frequent contributor to McSweeney’s Internet Tendency

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Dispatches From a Guy Trying Unsuccessfully to Sell a Song in Nashville

BY

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Charlie Hopper is well aware that it’s cliché for advertising agency people to dream of being songwriters, but there it is. He works at Young & Laramore Advertising in Indianapolis and has written songs his whole life—most of them for a D.I.Y. rock band. A few years ago he got the idea that he should write a song and see if he could sell it to Nashville. So far he hasn’t.

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Dispatch 41:
He Saw a Wolf
(The Catheter Song)
(12/16/2014)

Dispatch 40: Winterizing (1/8/2014)

Dispatch 39: Christian Rock Can Only Ever Be About One Thing (5/30/2013)

Dispatch 38: The Pun is Not Your Friend (2/8/2013)

Dispatch 37: A Ziploc Bag of Jigsaw Pieces That May or May Not Be From the Same Puzzle (8/2/2012)

Dispatch 36: Actually, No, That Would Not Make A Good Country Song (4/16/2012)

Dispatch 35: The Three Best Songs Ever Written (2/17/2012)

Dispatch 34: Mister Christmas (12/23/2011)

Dispatch 33: I’m Not Old and She’s Not Fat (11/29/2011)

Dispatch 32: The Kansan Speaks (Then Plays, Then Speaks Again) (9/29/2011)

Dispatch 31: What’s the Dog Think? (8/23/2011)

Dispatch 30: Every Time a Friend Succeeds, I Die A Little (7/22/2011)

Dispatch 29: Twelve Songwriters In a Nuclear Shelter with Food For Nine (7/7/2011)

Dispatch 28: Stand, and Unfold Yourself (3/31/2011)

Dispatch 27: Yep, Barry Manilow, Heh Heh (3/21/2011)

Dispatch 26: Where the Decisions Are His and Hers and His (3/8/2011)

Dispatch 25: Saturday Night At The Dollar Store (2/8/2011)

Dispatch 24: When the Zebras Kneel (12/3/2010)

Dispatch 23: Most of All We Have To Hide It From The Kids (10/1/2010)

Dispatch 22: Snowed In – Part 2 (9/16/2010)

Dispatch 21: Snowed In – Part 1 (9/15/2010)

Dispatch 20: The Role of the Ladder in Country Music (8/26/2010)

Dispatch 19: My Son, the Goy Hoosier (8/9/2010)

Dispatch 18: You’re Okay Unless I Make This Face: [Makes Face] (7/30/2010)

Dispatch 17: Inexplicably Optimistic/Insufficiently Discouraged (7/7/2010)

Dispatch 16: Ten Thousand Crickets (6/28/2010)

Dispatch 15: I Have Always Depended on the Mattress of Strangers (6/17/2010)

Dispatch 14: How Big a Stain Should It Be? (6/1/2010)

Dispatch 13: Thirteen People Who Can Say No (5/13/2010)

Dispatch 12: Is Country Music Right For You? Take This Quiz… (4/23/2010)

Dispatch 11: … Uh, Actually, I Was Singing (4/6/2010)

Dispatch 10: Almost Paradise (3/17/2010)

Dispatch 9: Too Many War Songs Already (2/25/2010)

Dispatch 8: Ol’ Cuticle Moon (2/9/2010)

Dispatch 7: Verse Verse Lift Chorus Verse Lift Chorus Bridge Chorus (1/20/2010)

Dispatch 6: A Libra Depression Baby (1/4/2010)

Dispatch 5: And Then Rachel Backed Out of the Middle of the Room On Her Knees (11/24/2009)

Dispatch 4: Meet Your Modern Pantheon (11/4/2009)

Dispatch 3: Down, Boy (10/15/2009)

Dispatch 2: Why You Hate Modern Nashville (9/30/2009)

Dispatch 1: Mopping Up the Blood (9/14/2009)

McSweeney’s is a publishing company based in San Francisco.
As well as operating a daily humor website, we also publish Timothy McSweeney’s Quarterly Concern, the Believer, and an ever-growing selection of books under various imprints. You can buy all of these things from our online store. We’re also transitioning to a nonprofit and would greatly appreciate your help. You can support us today by donating to our Kickstarter campaign.