It’s almost robot fightin’ time again, folks!
Of course, I’m more excited than anybody to be going into our twentieth (!!!) season of sparks flying, parts exploding, and essentially no danger of the robots becoming fully self-aware and brutally murdering us all.
While, yes, given recent technological advancements, it’s somewhat logical to ponder how we—the premier robot fighting league in the world—might fend for ourselves when said robots have the ability to think and reflect on past trauma inflicted upon them.
That’s why I’m here as CEO of BattleBots to tell you directly and unequivocally: Don’t worry about it.
It’ll probably be fine.
If nothing else, take heart in the fact that I personally consulted numerous experts on the topic. I’m happy to report that almost none of those experts expected us to one day be lit aflame and/or brutally sawed in half by our own monstrous creations come to life.
In fact, the chances of one of these fighting machines gaining sentience and feeling emotions such as spite and desire for retribution is minuscule at best. For all we know, they could feel a sense of gratitude toward those who forced them to brutally and chaotically destroy one another for years on Spike TV—right?
Granted, the small risk we assume is nothing compared to the intense rush of Tombstone launching another powerless metal victim under the massive automatic mallet we installed that mashes away at its lifeless circuits.
This probably is a good time to bring this up. Do we all feel sold on the mallet being necessary? Maybe we could remove one or two of the buzzsaws that emerge from the ground? Of course, I’m not suggesting we make BattleBots any less violent, just to merely hedge our bets even like 10 percent.
To sum up, we’re almost definitely going to be completely fine—but also, you know, maybe keep a lookout. And please take to heart the words of my late father, Dr. Henry Battlebot, who once said, “These robots would definitely kill me if they had the chance.”