1. Please indicate the Themed Year or time-limited Special Forgiveness Window under which you are applying to the Roman Catholic Church:

a) Year of the Papal Magic Wand
b) Year of The Holy Wafer
c) Red Light Carnal Desires 2-for-1 Special
d) Year of Mercy
e) Other, please specify:

2. Please indicate the category that best describes the nature of your sin/offense:

a) Drunkenness
b) Greed
c) Theft/swindling
d) Reviling, i.e. judging others for their sin
e) Fornication/sins of the flesh or other sexual immorality
f) Other, please specify:

If you answered (e), please provide any multimedia documentation such as photos or videos. These will be held in the strictest of confidence (some conditions may apply) while your application is under consideration.

3. Please characterize your involvement with the Roman Catholic Church prior to the commission of your sin/offense (check all that apply):

a) I occupied pew-space on a sporadic basis and thought about my grocery list during the homily
b) I attended worship services on a regular to semi-regular basis (twice a month or more)
c) I sang in the choir/taught Sunday School/served on the Altar Guild and was a genuinely loving and compassionate pillar of the community
d) I was expert at triangulating parish leadership and conducting subterranean communications campaigns so as to advance my own personal agenda and prevent change at all costs
e) Other, please specify:

4. Please choose the option which best captures your understanding of your ex-communication:

a) Latae sententiae: At the time of committing your sin/offense you assumed yourself to be automatically excommunicated from the Roman Catholic Church and you haven’t darkened the door of a church ever since.
b) Ferendae sententiae: After having committed your sin/offense you were sentenced by an Ecclesiastical Court and received official documentation from the Vatican.
c) Confusissime sententiae: After having committed your sin/offense you hadn’t a clue as to the status of your excommunication and thus continued to attend worship services, but only at Christmas and Easter, arriving late, leaving early and sitting in the way far back so no one will recognize you.
d) Other, please specify:

5. Please indicate your preferred method of penance for your sin/offense (check all that apply):

a) Public recantation and the Sacrament of Confession
b) Mortification of the flesh
c) Online shaming on the Parish’s Facebook page and Twitter feed
d) In-person shaming, i.e. receiving the evil eye from fellow parishioners at potlucks, coffee hours, or other social events for a period of 60 to 90 days depending upon the nature of sin/offense.
e) One-time major gift donation ($10,000+) to the capital campaign
f) Other, please specify:

For $69.99 your Application for Forgiveness will be expedited and you will receive a limited edition Certificate of Forgiveness signed by Pope Francis on official Papal Letterhead.

⃝   Yes! I would like an autographed certificate. Please bill my VISA/MasterCard/AMEX for the full amount.

Thank you for completing the Roman Catholic Church’s Application for Forgiveness. You will now be redirected to our Forgiveness Pays page to complete the credit card processing.